FOLIO OLIO: VERY ODD THINGS, INDEED

This first image was just so fucking odd that I looked around for more of the same...

Blood is thicker than water.
But maple syrup is thicker than blood.
Therefore pancakes are more important than family.
There, I've said it.

The homeless person's dog that I've been tending for a fucking decade is getting really old and soon I will have to get a new dog from the pound. I'm going to name it Fire, so when it gets out of the fence and I walk around the neighborhood calling him, the neighbors will be alerted of my distress.

There's on two thing I hate in this world. People who are intolerant of people's culture and the Dutch.

(This image is not connected to the one above)

You know you are going to work too early when you drive past the strip club and people are leaving.
You know you are winning at life when you are leaving the strip club and people are driving to work.

There are old farts at the Legion who still think Amazing Race is about Caucasians.

DO WANT!!!

"I can crack every bone in my body," she said.
"I can bone ever crack in your body," he said.

Can we even visualize 1170%? I think not. Who would of thunk?

The human brain is amazing. It functions 24 hours for 365 days. It functions right from the time we are born and only stops when we take exams.

A HALF FUCKING POUND, GUYS!!!!!

I told my wife that the genie told me that I could have a good memory or a very big dick. She asked me which I took and I told her I couldn't remember.

?????????????????????

I thought about cleaning my garage, but then I thought, "What's the garage done for me lately?"

Last funny Halloween shit... promise....

Well, what now......

Carpe the shit out of this diem!

TRUE: My friend's wife got some rare parasite like the one my wife had after we ventured into Mexico for the last time, but anyway, he had to take a "Stool Specimen" to the doctor. So he "Got a Stool Specimen" and put it in an envelope. And on the envelope he wrote:
HANDLE WITH CARE
ENDANGERED FECES

Have you ever sucked gravy through a straw?
Well.....why the fuck not?

Going to McDonald's for a salad is like going to a whore house for a hug.

This is what I gave out on Halloween...

Dear Young People,
You are young, so shut the fuck up and try not to fuck your life up.......please.
Sincerely,
The rest of us

Okay.....okay, there is ONE problem with having the biggest balls in the barn....I MEAN DAMN!!!

According to a new survey, 35% of high school students are stressed and depressed most of the time. But 65% are content and extremely happy most of the time. They are called "stoners".
(Hey, worried older people, if you haven't been stoned since college, I strongly suggest you ask your son to buy you some weed....or just borrow a little of his and tip him handsomely.)

He must smell my........dog...

I have the body of a god......Buddha.

This just ain't right, ya'll....Seriously....there ain't nothing right about this....

Remember, kids, when you stop believing in Santa, you get fucking underwear and socks.

They had an Occupy Columbia a few days ago....
(you might want to look at these closely)

You atheist flag-burning married homos are going to make us all sing the National Anthem in Spanish!!!!!

Serious felonies......I mean, DAMN!

England has just gotten around to "allowing" the first born of Prince Whatshisname and that "commoner" whore of his to be queen if it is a female. How, women, does that make you feel? Your kind are now....ALLOWED.
How do you say fuck you in British?

I was watching a football game and one of the guy's names was "MATHIEU". Why didn't his mother just tattoo "My mother was an idiot" on his fucking forehead.

??????

Found this recently and liked it:
For those of you who have to struggle, life has a flavor that the privileged will never taste.

Well.....DUH!!!!!

TOONS TO AMUSE...

One of my very own...

HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAAHAH!!!!!!!

MOSTLY NAKED WOMEN TRYING JUST A LITTLE TOO HARD TO LOOK ARTY....

?????.....Yeah, like that's sexy....

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...

Having taught children for 20 years, I agree with this, however, I will predict a huge organization will only spend a ton of money and conclude that the kids just should have been taken away from the home to begin with.