EYEGASMS....MOSTLY

I only overshare because my wife doesn't listen.

For what it's worth, Yo-ho-ho rhymes with Pinot Grigio.

My body has decided to groan every time it has to move a little bit....and it seems to help.....some.


Yeah....sign my ass up.......

Can you spell lemmings, boys and girls?


Why do you think circus lions are so afraid of chairs?

If you don't get this, it's okay...it's lame as shit anyway....

Have you ever butt donated to a charity on your phone?


Extraordinary.....

And, yes, that is exactly what it looks like.


I was in a motel once that had a coin operated 'Adultery Noices' box next to the bed.

When my wife dies, I'm sure there will be a huge outpouring of emoticons on her Facebook page.


Check out the very top of the moon...

It's a volcano and plume....

I already want to take a nap tomorrow.

They should get the people of 'Pawn Stars' and 'American Pickers' together with the people from 'Hoarders'.

My wife told me that if I didn't take her to see Hunger Games, I would find myself starving for sex.
I said, "And your point is....?"

Old war photos superimposed on modern times...

Math is the only place where people buy 60 watermelons and no one wonders why.

I remember the days when if you got bored waiting somewhere, you'd just sit and stare instead of looking at your phone. You know how I remember? Because it was FIVE FUCKING YEARS AGO!!!


When I was growing up, my backdoor latch looked something like this, only more sturdy. Ours had a string attached to the board and then ran through a hole in the door. From the outside you just pulled the string and it raised the latch. You did it manually from the inside.
At night my job was to "lock" the door by pulling the string through the hole.

My wife is the best thing I ever found on Craigslist.


A little too staged for me, but still interesting...

These are nipples of the Louvre.....

NOTE: Every person who has ever had the good fortune to work on my mural crew should recognize that brush.
It's the "Cut Brush", and there is none finer. I bought a case of them in 1975 and only have a dozen or so left.  They are no longer in production.
You leave a cut brush out in the sun while you take a piss, well, you are fucking fired. Period.


There will be voters in the next election who were born after Kurt Cobain died.


I painted a series of paintings on this theme. None of them were that great, but I traded one for sex one time....and that if fucking true. (pun intended)

This impresses me....

Why not? Seriously...why the fuck not?

I hate being bipolar.
It is awesome.


Dear Art Snobs,
Lighten the fuck up...PLEASE!
Thanks,
Me

At first I thought this was cool. Then the close-up showed that the fishhooks were not all that necessary, since paint was applied over and under them.
But maybe that's just me.....

Behind every great man is a woman rolling her eyes.




I think these next two are the hollow light sculptures, examples of which I have shared before...

Bicycle chain....

Made of beads....

TOONS....

ONE OF MY VERY OWN....

NOTE ABOUT MY WOMEN'S SECTION: I have a new policy. No more slick nudes requiring a huge crew of cameramen, light men, makeup people, misters, oilers, fan operators, etc. I'm tired of those.
I have seen images of the amount of people it took for each shot in the Sports Illustrated swimsuit edition. I looked under Google images for 'Nude Photographer' to find such scenes, and this is what I found....

This is the crew I wanted to show you...

So now this is out....

And this is in.....

No, just kidding.
I just want something with just a touch of art, or humor, or something.....
Kind of like this.....

You're welcome.