SLIM PICKINGS TUESDAY #1423

Illness has curtailed my research time. Hope to be up to speed soon.

My resemblance to a homeless man prevents the world from taking me too seriously.

Dear Smokey,

I find it very stressful that you think I’m the only one who can prevent forest fires. I mean, I don’t feel trained for this and I don’t remember even signing up for the position.

When I can feel the bass from another car I feel like I’m in Jurassic Park. I like to imagine a huge douchebag driving around with tiny T-Rex arms.

Have you ever shared a drink with a hobo? I have.

If you die in Canada, do you die in real life?

Continuity is so overrated.

Fuck time.

The buck stops with the guy who signs the checks.

Pinkie Pie is the best pony.

I think I agree with this...

People are so angry about gun regulation. You’d think they were being denied the right to marry the person they love.

The greatest remedy for anger is a felony.


MISSING: My wife’s sense of humor. Vanished today around 1:30 pm, right after I told her that the reason men lie is because women ask too many questions.

Avoid making too many sober decisions.

Never interrupt your enemy when he is making a mistake.

Ones of my very own...

Statistically, more people survive if they think only of themselves.


This guy tried to shoot the guy in the suit. The news says he forgot to take the gun off safety, but I have another idea.

That looks like a 380 to me, a 9mm short weapon that is very small. So small that I had trouble shooting it because I tried to hold my thumb like he has his...above the other fingers. In that configuration the trigger finger has no place to go and the gun will not fire. I had so much trouble with it that I sold it.

The Manatee Nebula...

OOMVO...

Now he knows why they wore those skirts...

If you are a young, relatively healthy white man from at least a middle class family, then shut the fuck up. You have no excuses.

See anything....odd?

There ain't enough money to get me to do that.
What do you think the title is: "Death of Dignity?"

This young man's face is his get out of jail free card...

As if I needed another reason not to go to the gym...

Hard to look at that without laughing, ain't it?

1000 words...

Let's go on a safari, they said. It will be fun, they said...