FRIDAY'S VERISIMILITUDE #1498

I was told these were the types of caps worn by the bomb suspects...

I heard the lead off preacher at the Boston prayer session say "You may be seated." I don't get it. I didn't have to stand at all. And just because I have her permission doesn't mean I have to sit. I think she should have said, "You may be seated."

Back in happier times of marathons...

These are more words that may never have been put in a sentence...

This guy ought to move to Japan where sleeping on the job is a sign that you are working hard....true...

If one god is good, then a thousand ought to be great...

Dear Motorists,
Please stop yelling at the red light. It wouldn't care if it could hear you.

I know this is dated, but still funny....maybe...

Read this today: The only difference between Timothy McVeigh and Bill Ayers is competence.

I walked into the kitchen and told my wife I had overslept and she reminded me it was 4:30 in the afternoon.

I always keep an unopened 12 pack of beer in my fridge for special occasions. Sometimes the special occasion is that you have a 12 pack in the fridge.

If women could read minds, I would get beaten to death within an hour.

This does not surprise me...

 When will we ever learn?

"Whoever did this obviously did not know shit about the people of Boston. For Pete's sake, Boston was founded by Pilgrims - a people so tough they had to buckle their goddamn hats on!"

?????

Any penguin named Ralph is a friend of mine...

This is me reacting to the fact that 9 out of 10 people won't have sex with a robot, not even once....

This is me when I forget to change the date and time on a post and it is posted immediately instead of the day I had planned...

I think that erections should make a noise...a chirp maybe.

What the fuck is a ham press?

It's always a good idea to convince your neighbors you can expertly play the bagpipes by picking up a set of bagpipes and having a fucking stab at it.

They eat stucco...in southern Florida....times must be good.

Look, I have no problems with Indians or braves or chiefs, but I kind of draw the line at Redskins....yes, even I have a line... 

No one interviewed me for this. My numbers would skew the whole survey....

A good trick to play on the neighbors is to convince them you are a werewolf by sleeping naked in the back yard.

Whatever blows your skirt up, honey...

I want to met her husband and buy that motherfucker a beer.

Haven't posted a really bad tattoo in a while...

This device "shoots" a condom onto his dick...

Anytime I see something like that, I wonder about the first stupid bastard that volunteered to test it.

A "good" use for drones...

Here's that newly discovered "Face-Sized" tarantula....

You won't believe what's at the end of this train...

I'm definitely against marijuana, so whenever I get the opportunity, I burn it....a little bit at a time.

Sorry I did that to you on the train clip above. It was just waiting to be exploited.

One of my very own...

Read this today: Every book you have ever read is just a different combination of 26 letters.
(What about Fahrenheit 451?) 

 Made from nails and thread...

Double the battery life of your iPhone by putting the fucking thing down.

Another reason I miss college...

When is a lot of meat too much meat?

 And then there's this...

I think this wall is fake. Check out how some grip stones are in a straight line...

My desire to be well-informed is currently at odds with my desire to remain sane.

This woman almost died when she leapt down on the track to retrieve her cell phone...

You can't imagine how many people want to talk to me about my vehicle...

I didn't know this...

A very bad decision in 5...4...3...

You won't believe what this is...

It's a coating of the lung called the lung surfactant. 

Oh, look, another Higgs boson...

This is a smoke house. It is the reason man discovered fire and why country people don't conquer the world...

Can't you just smell that?

So, what else does the bible say about homosexuals....

 Prisoner #1: "Are you the husband or the wife?"

New prisoner: "I'm the husband."

Prisoner #1: "Then get over here and suck yo wife's dick."

Well, this is awkward...

NO POST ON SATURDAY