Democracy is the freedom to elect your own dictators...
Still on the fence about this guy, but going to Russia would push me over....
But now that I think about it, the local potential buyers read the same headlines I do and know that they are no plans to ship all that shit back to America. It's very hard to negotiate under such a disadvantage.
My buddy sent me this...
He's going through a pretty rough time. He has to choose between is job or his friend. Choose wisely, my friend, choose wisely.
#9 is my kind of threat...
#9 is my kind of threat...
A cut-away glass that requires your cellphone so it doesn't fall over. They say they are very popular to curtail rudeness...
Speaking of cellphones...
Speaking of Jesus...
What did the two Tampons say to each other? Nothing, because they were stuck up cunts.
1000 words...
How do people argue without using the word fuck?
This is the way I do it...
I have a large deep shelf in my closet and the T-shirts are wedged in there so tightly that when I need one it's like pulling a Wet Wipe out of the container.
This took me much longer than it should have...
It's just hand saws mounted on a wall.
One of my very own it is not, but I wish it were...
The countries in white are the countries Great Britian has NOT invaded...
If the Chief of Police calls
Batman with a spotlight in the sky, why wouldn’t the criminals just commit all
their crimes in the daytime?
Silliness has its place.
One of my very own...
The other day I was sitting outside my bar smoking when a young man asked me about my electric cart. During the conversation he mentioned his friend Jay Hubble who was struck by a car while cycling. Later when I got up to leave I said, "Your friend Jay has a really great telescope." He had no clue.
I weep for the future.
Marketing at its finest...
Why is it
called French kissing? You're pretty much invading a person’s mouth with your
tongue. It should be called German kissing.
Moby was such a
dick.
"You won't be needing this anymore."
China is thinking about another canal large enough for the largest ships...
Can you spot the disgruntled employee?
I can only guarantee one thing...this man does NOT think he is being paid enough.
They're right. Marijuana is a gateway drug....to the fridge.
I wonder if dogs
have pet peeves.
Some shit you didn't know about tiger whiskers...
Maybe there is hope for the future...
My buddy, who still works for the school district, sent me this sentence the superintendent sent out to other educators:
"We are
Richland One, a leader in transforming lives through education, empowering all
students to achieve their potential and dreams."
Somebody had to approve of that sentence.
Well, is it broken or not?
Just think, somewhere, somebody is doing this...
I was sitting at a bar the other day and a young lad walked up and said, "How many miles did your arm run today?"
It took me a moment or two to figure out what he meant. A joke a posted months ago that goes like this"
"I put a pedometer on my arm and yesterday I masturbated for four miles."
I asked him how he knew me and he said he read my blog and recognized my cart and my mustache. I felt strangely smug....but I liked it.
I had no idea this was even a problem...
When my kids didn't want to take a nap I would tell them that they could be arrested for "resisting a rest". It worked...especially after I gave a detailed explanation of homosexual rape.
Amazing. Fucking amazing.
When I was a kid, to jerk off I had to get a Sears catalogue and to the lingerie section. But now with the internet I can go right to sears.com.
I never even knew snakes could get ticks, but this motherfucker is eat slap up...
Speaking of snakes...
Speaking of yet another snake...
For me, that is one of those "forget about the kids, run for your life" moments.
But seriously, I didn't masturbate until I was 18 years old. Before that I would just have sex with various items around the house.
The human foot arch...an amazing bit of engineering...
But seriously, I didn't masturbate until I was 18 years old. Before that I would just have sex with various items around the house.
The human foot arch...an amazing bit of engineering...
I don't often smoke weed, but when I do, I like good weed...
I have no idea what this means, I just like the words coming out of his nose...
What does this say about this woman's learning curve?
Morgan Freeman did an Obama commercial....that's like using a cheat code.
Rather provocative, this. Take the time to read then ask yourself why...
This actually looks like a pretty painless way to commit suicide....
...except for maybe blowing your house up before you are dead.
My wife sent me this, so I more or less have to use it...
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