FOLIO OLIO: TUESDAY #1755

BREAKING NEWS: 150 million Americans went to work this morning without getting shot.

I like clever people...

No matter what life throws at me, at least I don't have ugly children.

Why in the name of reproduction would women go to great measures to conceal one of their most attractive assets?

I must have some dental work. I told the dentist that I wanted to be knocked out for the whole ordeal. He said that they don't knock people out, but they have a sleeping pill that will keep me from feeling anything.
I took a few minutes discussing prior drug use and he agreed with me that I needed two pills.

Is it?

Sure, we have the biggest military, but by almost every other indicator we are sinking fast.

And we believe we are No. 1 so much, we don't even get upset over clear government crimes...

How big is our military?

If you don't take a stand against injustice, you deserve exactly what you are going to get...

People a lot smarter than me have been warning us for a long, long time...

And even with over-flowing prisons and massive homelessness, we are happy, by god....

....because in America it's unpatriotic to be unhappy.

The reaction to most of my jokes...

Books are no more threatened by Kindle than stairs by elevators.

Most photogenic rebel ever...

I think his scare spells out "Chicago Bears".

If you watch Jaws backwards, it's about a shark who throws up so many people that they have to open a beach.

Like father, like son...

Oil pipeline in China...

Looking for a shop to sharpen my knives I came across this address: 60 Yard Farm Road.
I so wish I lived on a road with a cool name.

With a camera in his face, Alabama coach Sabin was being interviews by a beautiful young woman with about 6 inches of cleavage showing. He stared off at the crowd the whole time, never glancing at her, until the last minute when she thanked him. Then just as I predicted he looked at her, then down at her breasts. How could he not?

A redneck with sleeves cut off at the shoulders sat next to me at my bar, but it seemed like a clean shirt. He studied the menu carefully, then ordered one slice of pizza and water. After he had gobbled it down, I leaned over and said, "I don't want to embarrass you, but could I buy you something else to eat? He leaned close and whispered, "I can't let you do that for me, but I would really appreciate it if you would tip that nice lady for me." And, of course, I did.

Dude! I mean damn! Who gave this motherfucker a weapon?!?

My first selfie...

I watched this trailer for Human Centipede...certainly not my proudest boner...

Why stupid people shouldn't make videos...

See the shooter's cup-holding pinkie?

I have a shotgun like that and you hold it that casually and it will break your fucking nose.

Patrick Stewart when he had hair.

Nature....damn!

A recent survey reported that 75% of American men don't know how to turn on the dish washer. I find that nipple licking and light gentle fingering usually does the trick.