FRIDAY #1792

A few headlines I've run across...

Germany, France miffed by alleged U.S. spying
- What do you think if the tables were turned and they were caught spying of us? Well, I'll tell you...the US caught Israel spying on us and all fucking hell broke loose.

A European gravity-mapping satellite has run out of fuel and will likely die a fiery death in Earth's atmosphere about two weeks from now

Facebook now OK with beheading videos, but nudity stays verboten

(since I posted that, I understand they took down the beheading, but that it was allowed at all tells us a lot)

So, it's come to this has it...

I still find it interesting what some people will do to get noticed.

My wife ignores me so much that she's taken to calling me T&C for Terms and Conditions.

This foreigner just found out what her shirt means...

I'm too lazy to even turn my T-shirts right side out...drives the wife crazy...which is like a bonus.

My dog brought home a human finger. I flushed it.

What a hassle that could have been.

 Speaking of large arrows...

Remember when you were young enough that shit like this didn't embarrass you?

If you love something let it free. If it doesn't com back to you, she probably told the cops.

Every time I've seen someone hypnotized, they finish up by telling the person that when they wake up they will feel great...

 In my opinion, the above is self-hypnosis and serves the same purpose.

Know what you're looking at here?

 A woman painted with a stone pattern is semi-covered with real stones. Go dead center about 25% down from the top to see her nostrils. Her legs center bottom are easy.

Okay, that's cool and all, but how do you think the decision was made to spend countless hours to learn how to do it in the first place?

You think she had any input form people who loved her?

Every man in the world when he walks past a Victoria's Secret at the mall....

We are quickly approaching the time when those who would sacrifice liberty for security will be eligible for a tax break.

Now that looks like a cool demonstration...

It is okay to care about privacy even if you aren't a criminal, because maybe you aren't a criminal yet.

How long you reckon this thing was left there?

The Spaniards fucked the Mayans and turned them into Mexicans.

Everything about this is a cheap, light-weight solution to a very everyday problem...

I take it as a point of pride that I have realized that every single one of my problems is caused by me being a fucking idiot.

A black hole eating a star...

"My internet connection is too damn fast," said no one ever.

If anything on the blog offends you, blame your parents for raising such a pussy.

This is my bittersweet look I get when my team loses, but I bet money on the other team...

Speaking of first world problems, the other day my wife complained that her wallet was too small.

Want to learn something today? Read on...

My young daughter was so good at math so early that I had no trouble sneaking her into the casino to count cards at the blackjack table.

Perfect...

You own everything that has happened to you. Tell your stories. If people want you to speak warmly about them, they should've treated you better.

This man deserves a medal...

To think, out in space somewhere there's a place where all the races meet up and have awesome parties, but humans can't go, because we haven't invented intergalactic travel, and they're all laughing at our stupidity as they sip their space drinks and smoke their space weed.

Let me expound...If you know enough science to reject the notion that the whole human race started with two fully formed individuals, and call mere metaphor the story of the snake and the apple and the expulsion, then you must, by simple logic, reject orginal sin. And, dear believers, without original sin, Jesus saving us from it becomes...at best...problematical.

Read this...

If you don't find that extraordinary, then you might want to do just a little more research.

 Hey, language guy, fuck you.

I tried exercising once, but I kept spilling my beer.

Screwing up your children will make them much more interesting adults.

3D T-shirt...

Very effective Amnesty International posters...

This fossil of a skull found in the country of Georgia is causing all kinds of problems.

It doesn't fit into any of the previous categories. It has a little of this and a little of that. Curiouser and curiouser.

Well it's not very hidden NOW, Mr. I'll-Take-A-Picture-Of-The-Secret-Lake!

I took my daughters on a ride like this at the fair. Right as the car was to push through the exit doors, a real live human wearing a mask reached out and touched the occupants...and scared the holy shit out of them...

 When we got off we stood outside the exit doors and waited to see other people's reactions...which were hilarious.

Supposedly, a zipper that requires but one hand...

I just smile at people my age complain about this next generation....knowing these same motherfuckers RAISED that generation.
I have great faith in the next generation. If we would just get out of their way, I am sure they are more than capable of doing just fine on their own.

I knew I was getting old when I realized that a basket of chicken winds at 3 am would severly upset rather than settle my stomach.

We have this...

 They have this...

And they fought us, more or less, to a draw.

You can make almost anything look nasty by adding those little boxes...

Who would have thought a corn maze guy would be this clever...

 But who missed the chance to name it a maize maze?

Corridor in the asylum, Vincent Van Gogh...

 Even more amazing was that he was bat shit crazy when he painted that.

How to know Harry Potter was written by a woman:

Harry drinks a rare potion that makes him the luckiest person in the world and he DOESN'T go to the girl's dormitory.

I present that quote for several reasons. First, it's not just words inside your head, but if the writing is done well, it's pictures, smells and emotions.
Further, there was a story about the Captain of a group of explorers coming upon a group of primatives...I'm thinking Lewis and Clark, but I might be mistaken...anyway, to show his power the white guy asked the chief to tell him a secret that nobody else knew. After hearing it, he wrote it down on a piece of paper and asked a native to take it to another explorer across the camp. That guy read it, then called out the secret.
The chief referred to this as "Leaves that talk" and, of course, was very impressed.

I would be so very embarrassed if I had named my child the most popular name at the time....but maybe that's just me...

I will bet money that if this guy did this every day, breasts would no longer be of any interest...

Kind of like after you've masturbated a few times in your teens you're no longer interested in your dick.

Writing humor is much harder than one would think...

 Sometimes I go back and re-read an old post and am amazed at what I once thought was humorous. But then I realize that some days I'm pissed...or sad...or sick, and my post reflects all of it.

People watching is so much more interesting than it used to be before Walmart...

I have been putting a lot of thought into it and I just don't think being an adult is gonna work for me.

THERE WILL BE A POST TOMORROW
I'm thinking about posting 7 days a week. We'll see how long I can stand it.