THURSDAY #1777

Got a comment about my posted statement: There is no wrong way to drink alcohol.
The guy asked me if I had heard of "Butt Chugging". I ask if he could send me a tutorial.....AND HE DID!

I like funny people. I asked a friend if his wife would be joining us for lunch. Here is his email:

"She has a client so the fox will not be in the hole...repeat. ...fox will not be in hole....over."

After all the brouhaha with the government checking out my site, I'm now wondering if they will find that suspicious.

The "Fox will not be in the hole" guy looked me right in the eye and said, "I got baptized yesterday."
He and I more or less agree on the supernatural, so I just stared back. He then added that he had been asked by his sister-in-law to be the godfather to their child. He said, Yes, then....THEN learned that he would have to get baptized. I forgave him.

Congress's private gym -- whose budget is a closely held secret for "security" reasons -- has remained open during the shutdown. It was deemed an essential service. By John Boehner himself. Possibly because so many Tea Party Congressmen live in their lavish tax-funded/tax-free offices and use the fancy club as their personal showers, rather than renting DC lodgings.

One of my favorite people in the whole world is a pharmacy professor. He is more concerned with this than any other danger facing mankind...

A salmonella outbreak linked to raw chicken from California involves several antibiotic-resistant strains of the disease and has put at least 42% of the victims in the hospital, the CDC said Tuesday.

We have spent more money making movies about killer astroids than we have looking for them.

Senior Advisor to the President for Strategy and Communications Dan Pfeiffer made this typo yesterday...

How's that for communicating?

I bought some flavored condoms the other day. Said to my wife, "Let's have a game - I put one on and you try to guess what flavor it is."

She closed her eyes, went under the blanket and said, "Cheese and onion flavor."

I said, "For fuck’s sake, give me time to put one on."

Holy water. Think about that a minute. There are people who actually believe that normal tap water can be imbued with magical powers.

Guys, we have walked on the moon and sent ATV’s to other planets. It’s time to put magic elixirs back in the Bronze Age where they belongs.

It's called "Sliding Wall" and I like it...

I would like to see a chart showing the correlation between racism and one’s remaining natural teeth.

I think I would be great on a phone sex hotline.

I actually had someone tell me this recently: "The truths of the bible are on a higher plane than the truths of history and science."

If you were a Palestinian, how would you react to this?

I'm not much of a picketer, but I would picket the funeral of a Westboro Baptist Church member.

Moms. You gotta love moms....

I person told me about the neo-hippies that hang out near her work place and used the term "BO Pride people". I had never heard the term and it was explained that they shun any chemical additives to their body...including soap, deodorant or cologne.

College life was always the same...

 Most of my fondest memories of college life ended with warrants.

Back in my college days, drinking responsibly meant not fucking spilling it.

Sounds like something white people with dreadlocks write...

Wait...didn't we try this once?

Even excluding the anomaly of the NSA day, my blog has hit an all time high in viewership.

Thank you...thank you very much...

Tonight I drink a beer in my viewers' honor. 

I know what I'm going to be for Halloween....drunk.

Happily ever after is so once upon a time.

Oh, ladies, look! It's the newest thing and only $1500!!!

Stand against patriarchal beauty standards…stand against misogynistic body policing.

Ladies, you will never know the joy of flushing while peeing then racing to finish before it does.

Speaking of ridiculous fashion dictated by your peer group...

 By the way, I think you need to just let go of media, Madison Avenue cash generating bullshit. Think, people.

Chickens keep their heads level at all times...

A camera was fitted to its head while it was on a rolling boat, but the chicken saw none of it...

You think dinosaurs did that?

Strict parents create the sneakiest kids.

We would all be fucked if the Jamaicans turned into zombies.

Tanzania's Lade Natron, is full of natron, thus its name.

Natron is the mineral salt the ancient Egyptians used as part of their mummification rituals. Any animal that comes in contact with it is mummified.

The animals did not, however, "freeze" in that pose. They were found dead on the shore and posed by the photographer.

Nobody seems to be talking much about our debt anymore. I think it's disgraceful...

Your research dollars at work....

Heard a talk that suggested that we are reaching a tipping point in our culture. With robots and other tools that allow one person to do the work of five there are fewer and fewer jobs for people who can't handle Cognitively challenging professions. At the same time we are dumbing down our people by insisting on hanging on to a 1800's model of education.

A husband and wife had a tiff.

Wife called up her mom and said, “He fought with me again, I am coming to live with you.”

Mom said, “No darling, he must pay for his mistake. I am coming to live with you.

 Do you think he knows about the buffoon the rest of the world makes him out to be on the internet?

Well, his people sure don't.

In my never ending quest to find something that can't get published...

Those zany Russians...

If I were to ever be asked to give a graduation speech, this is what I will say, "If no one comes from the future to stop you from doing it, then how bad a decision can it really be?"

"Leave the gun, take the cannoli."

What a wonderful poster...