FOLIO OLIO: FAT FRIDAY #1778

A comment about my post concerning flushing before finishing peeing and racing the flush...
"I (and females all over the world I hope) DO get to experience the joy of flushing and beating the toilet. We just sit instead of stand. And to witness it, we just have to position our knees in the 10 o'clock, 2 o'clock position and cheer on our stream. So there! I've beat many a toilet, many a time!"
You learn something new every damn day....with friends like that.

Just a reminder...I've been calling for a name change for a long, long time.

Since the government shutdown, the government took in $18,127,092.665.00 in taxes.
Shouldn't we get that money back?
(I made that number up)

Congress' favorable rating is 5%. Who the fuck are these 5%....their moms!?

Crossword clue: It describes two shoes.......goody.

1916....

Don't you know she was the cat's meow.

The other day these words came out of my wife's mouth, "I am not talking to you until you are wearing underwear."

Still a place of wonder...

And some people still think walking on water was a real cool miracle.

Beer...all a man needs...and sex. We like sex.

Today a random toddler waved at me.
I didn't wave back.
Welcome to life and its disappointments you little shit.

My wife showed me a Facebook entry: "I can't wait until 13/13/13."
Let's take a moment to pray for this dumbass.

When I was a teenager, a neighbor told me, "Boy, if you can make a girl laugh, you can make her do anything."
So I went up to his daughter and said, "Want to hear a joke about a pizza?"
She said, "Sure."
I said, "Nevermind. It's too cheesy."
She laughed so I said, "Suck my dick."

Did you hear about the friends who went fishing, then one of them opened a can of worms?

When bored I still pick two droplets and have a "race"...

You know you're getting old when you eat breakfast food at breakfast time.

Goats...not even once...

Some fans actually paid for this...

I've actually referred to a $4 bottle of wine as "Pretty good stuff".

Why do we all have to remember the Alamo?

Ladies, would one of you use conditioner first, then shampoo just to see what happens. I'm curious.

I'm 99% sure he's 100% gay...

...not that there's anything wrong with that.

Wanna guess what's going on here?

Welding.

Everything looks and sounds like shit to me. It's a condition called Being A Cynical Asshole.

A good Southern word...

Repost, but remember, this is a real piece of furnature made this way...

You never really know someone until you talk to them at 4am.

Wife: "We've been through a lot together and most of it was your fault."

Stephen Hawking - racist...who woulda thought.
( did you notice they misspelled his name? )

We've all done this, haven't we...

It's October, so you know what that means....
Merry Christmas!

Because paint brushes are so yesterday...

You either become immortal or die trying.

On the bright side, I am not addicted to crack cocaine.

I'm literally my own best friend. I have inside jokes with myself and sometimes I'll think something funny and start laughing out loud at how funny I am.

Tall people don't have important heads.

This is why fire bombing was so effective...

This...not so much...

Huge 100 Foot Long Dinosaur Tail Fossil Dug Up In Alberta, Canada During Pipeline Construction

Put some South in yo mouth...

Saw this statement today: Nothing is better than nothing.
You got to think about that.

...something borrowed and something blue...

...and drunk.

Scientists estimate that one pound of dark matter weighs 10 thousand pounds.

You can pretty much turn anything that you do in life into a drinking game. Trust me.

How to know you are in a rough neighborhood...

I discoved just how out of shape I was when I was playing basketball with some friends and threw up. They all laughed as I cleaned the vomit off the game controller.

I drive my wife crazy...