Why people avoid prison: Reason 23,864...
A kid asked me if I was Santa Claus. I said, Yeah, kid, I only come once a year.
Back when houses were built to last...
Am I the only one who would like to try to stick his....nevermind...
My young friend, Billy, painted a whole series of paintings using images and stencils...
That is not one of them.
This is all too true...
Remember it's fair to ask how the universe can bang into existence out of nothing, but it's not fair to ask how god sprang into existence out of nothing.
If heaven were fair and didn't engage in favoritism...
Talking snakes are real, but we definitely didn't come from no monkeys.
This lady should have her divorse lawyer on speed dial...
The enemy is a very good teacher.
When your wife wakes up with an awful cold and comes walking into the kitchen, do not act frightened and say, "Oh my gosh, there for a minute I thought I was in an episode of The Walking Dead."
A party without beer is just a meeting.
Guess who this is...
I'll give you a hint...
It was Vincent Van Gogh, aged 13, in 1866...
Never get a flu shot a work...then you can't use the flu as an excuse to take a day off.
This DID NOT end as I anticipated...
If companies advertised honestly...
Wrinkled was not one of the things I wanted to be when I grew up.
My daughter once wanted a Cinderella-themed party, so I invited all her friends over and made them clean my house.
Remember the study I read that stated that all mammals pee for 21 or so minutes?
Well, I'm not so sure. Once I filled a gallon milk jug sitting on the floorboard of my car, and had to step out into traffic at the intersection to finish and nobody said anything even after the light changed cause they could see I was really, really drunk.
You are never too old to throw random shit in people's shopping carts when they aren't looking.
Bar with minimal confidence in its customers...
When the couple behind you has a loud argument then storms out of the bar...
I have no idea how to do such a thing with stone...
And this person made the net out of the same huge stone...
Me on a bad day: "Fuck all things!"
Me on a good day: "Fuck most things."
It took 27 days for this bitch to take off her fucking hat?!
From a movie I watched...
EVERYONE thinks that god is on their side.
This is so very true...
There is a website where you can find out if someone died in your house...
Funny thing is, I KNOW someone died in mine.
OCD pill packaging just to fuck with the people...
Speaking of...this poses a real challenge to supicicious people...
The other day I caught myself screaming out my window, "Would you kids shut the fuck up! It's 2:30 in the afternoon for Christ's sake!"
Another costume for Halloween...
French Kiss.....brilliant.
It's called fashion....I looked it up...
I just thought I was cynical...
I wrote a book called "Double-Yolked Egg Man"...
Poop each poop like it's your last poop.
If it's true that opposites attract, then I should be married to someone who gets up early and does stuff.
It's interesting to count all the things that were outlawed because we gave the women the right to vote.
Just another reason not to drink in public places...
I can spot shit like this a mile away...
7 comments:
your sculpture picture reminded me of this:
http://en.wikipedia.org/wiki/Apollo_and_Daphne_%28Bernini%29
Trevor and I saw this on our Italy trip while visiting the Borghese Galleria in Rome last Summer. Absolutely amazing.
Bruce
Today's OOMVOFFO were spot on!
Well done, Sir!
Re this:
If it's true that opposites attract, then I should be married to someone who gets up early and does stuff.
You DID.
Thank you, darling. And it's just another reason I love you. Keep up the good work.
Question: Do your views on Government Regulation have bounds? Telling us we can't own guns or smoke, you've talked about.
But what about something like The Dog and Cat Fur Prohibition Act of 2000? The Government says we can't sell Dog Fur.
I think, in this modern age, it's meant to prevent the import of companion animal fur into our country, which would then (intentionally) hurt the fur industry as a whole.
From an Ethical standpoint, I'm for it... but it is the Government telling us what we can and cannot buy.
I love dogs as much as anybody, but who are these government people to dictate which animals should and should not be slaughtered? You would think the outrage of the American people would solve the problem without big brother criminalizing yet another silly thing.
Your term "companion animal" intrigues me. What with people having every kind of animal you can name living in their homes.
Anyway, thanks for the question.
I remember the statement years ago that we would care more about Factory Farms if Cows were cute.
Outrage. I doubt there are very few Americans that would wear Dog or Cat, and the backlash of a Cat Coat at Target would likely end very poorly for them. While I definitely understand your point, my thought is that many companies advertise their fur as just that. Fur. Not indicating where it came from. Letting the consumer just assume Rabbit or Mink or whatever.
So, I think, in this specific case, the regulation is there to try and control something the citizens have voiced outrage about, and then were being mislead about.
I'm not going to touch the hypocrisy of American Cow Factory Farms vs Chinese Dog Factory Farms.
Anyway. Just curious. Thanks!
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