THURSDAY #1826

Why I stopped watching TV...

The story of Hanukkah seems more made-up than the story of Festivus.

Large Quasar Group is definitely the largest structure ever seen in the entire universe. Even traveling at the speed of light, it would take 4 billion years to cross.

Contradicts big bang theory, but I'm not sure why.

I once took a girlfriend to Thanksgiving dinner who was too young to sit at the adult table.

I cheat at dreidel.

Today we eat like the 1% and drink like the 99%.

Obamacare has done a remarkable job at providing my racist relatives with their best Thanksgiving in decades.

 That is so untrue. I used my father as an example of everything not to do.

Oldie but goodie...

I think we were born with the ability to play rock, paper, scissors, since I don't ever remember learning it.

Beautiful young female foot....adorned...

You can tell they were happy by the way they were always dancing...

May your Thanksgiving dinner provide as much to eat as Rob Ford's wife's genitalia.

Fucking Asians...

Let's pray for no giant animal balloon tragedies at the Macy's Thanksgiving Day Parade...

Using poisons and flesh-dissolving enzymes, fungi can defend their turf from incursions by other fungi.

Surrender Dorothy.

I pulled out my flip phone at the bar and the guy next to me said I was either very poor or I was a time traveler.

OOMVO...

You had one job....one fucking job...

Have you ever apologized for what you are about to do to someone’s bathroom?

What Elvis would look like today...

The world's largest video game...

 And it's controlled from a console across the river...

The Colossal Squid is twice as long as a school bus, but can only hold half as many kids.

Don’t take infants to movies….period.

If you don’t use your turn signal, I automatically assume you’re a douchebag in every other aspect of your life.

And the arms manufacturers get the vaccuum cleaners...

A movie about an old man who was given a caretaker robot...

Indeed.

????

Monty Python to reunite for stage show...

I put the fun in erectile dysfunction.

Waking up every day seems a bit excessive.

OOMVO...

The first rule of Nap Club is SHUT THE FUCK UP!

China is like the Chinatown of the world.

You’re not bored…you’re boring.

 The water became trapped after an astroid strike.