FOLIO OLIO: FRIDAY #1861

The first baby of the new year...

I wish her the best...at least I think it's a her.

Decisiveness is overrated.

A self-tuning guitar...

Because it's 2014, that's why.

Michelangelo's Grocery List...

When Michelangelo scrawled, he scrawled with both a craftsman’s practical precision and an artist’s evocative flair. “Because the servant he was sending to market was illiterate,” writes the Oregonian‘s Steve Duin in a review of a Seattle Art Museum show, “Michelangelo illustrated the shopping lists — a herring, tortelli, two fennel soups, four anchovies and ‘a small quarter of a rough wine’ — with rushed (and all the more exquisite for it) caricatures in pen and ink.” As we can see, the true Renaissance Man didn’t just pursue a variety of interests, but applied his mastery equally to tasks exceptional and mundane. Which, of course, renders the mundane exceptional.

TRUE FACT OF THE DAY: I watched a whole video of Patrick Stewart explaining how to moo like a cow with different accents.

It's never too late to forget a foreign language you only vaguely learned in high school.

I find this rather emotion ladened...

Imagine my shock when I found out that a drug test didn't mean I actually got to test drugs.

So much beauty in the world...

I don't always downshift, but when I do it's next to a Prius, so they can hear my carbon footprint.

When shaving her legs, has your wife's vagina ever made a Chewbacca sound?

Every single movie in production needs a person whose only job is to read the book, then slap the director with it every time they say "Yeah, but what if..."

Space is where shit happens; place is where shit goes down.

OOMVO...

By the way, PBUM stands for Praise Be Upon Muhammed, and in the cartoon meant Praise Be Upon Me.

Does anyone know how to get that "old person smell" out of everything I own?

Had we been born elsewhere...

Imagine how hard life's disappointments would be if you didn't know any curse words.

You know what pisses me off most about all this?

That nobody seems to even care. I think most people just assume that our government does things for our own good. I DO NOT agree with that.
I'm not going to bore you with a list of times our government has fucked us, but NOTHING good can happen when too much power is in the hands of so few.

I'm thinking of writing a book: How NOT To Pick Bowl Game Winners.
I'm getting murdered this year...losing more games than I've won.

Every time someone butt dials me, I penis answer.

What if, like, adding one hair to a bald man’s dome could make him immediately not bald, but we could just never know?

I so hope Colorado doesn't fuck up this grand experiment...

So far...and I know it's early...they seem to handling it responsibly.

This lady should write a book on effective job interviews...

I taught my students to do this with torn paper...

First you roughly tear a sheet of paper in to many strips.
Then you lay one of the strips on a clean piece of paper. Take a very dark thick lead pencil and rub it on a piece of paper until there is A LOT of black, then rub a small wad of tissue on the graphite. Use this tissue to rub on the edge of the torn paper and it will look just like the fartherest mountains above. Then change strips of paper, place it below the first and repeat, getting darker as you reach the bottom.

$10 says Fidel Castro was doin' it in the butt with Che.

How much is too much?

I hate those websites featuring things people say during sex. When I'm having sex, my wife says, "Would you lock the door next time! I don't want to watch you do that!"