FOLIO OLIO: THURSDAY #1867

It's so cold outside that my wife just keyed somebody's car with her nipples.
Seriously, my beer is freezing INSIDE my studio fridge!
TRUE: I forgot my lighter and all four of the lighters I have in the truck would not light....THAT'S how cold it is.

Dear Canada,

Take your damned air back.

Sincerely,

Americans

Ps: We have nuclear weapons

My brother-in-law called. He lives in Hawaii and this is what his wife was doing during the conversation...

And timely information like that is why everybody hates brother's in laws.

I just feel sorry for my daughter...

A windshield airbag for pedestrians...

Amsterdam pays alcoholics with beers

Classify this as "thinking out of the box" -Alcoholics are being paid in beer to clean the streets of Amsterdam as part of a project partly funded by the Dutch government - the organizers think other countries should abandon "old-fashioned political correctness" and adopt the same approach..."It's quite difficult to get these people off the alcohol completely. We have tried everything else. Now this is the only thing that works. We might not make them better, but we are giving them a better quality of life and it's better for the neighborhood, they're giving something back to society."...
And all of the residents we spoke to said they were happy with the government supporting this unconventional approach.

I wonder what the over/under is on al-qaeda taking over Iraq.

I listened to a TED talk about what's wrong with TED: "Middlebrow megachurch infotainment".

I found it very informative, but I think the elitist bastard forgot to consider who the audience is...and they are not all PhD's who spend all day every day thinking deep thoughts. They tune in to hear thoughts delivered in everyday language so that they can repeat it at their neighborhood bar and be understood.

How very, very foolish...

And you women wonder why there is a glass ceiling.

The launch code for US nukes was

00000000 for 20 years

"Arab Spring" Break...

Why does Samuel L. Jackson always play a black guy?

OOMVO...

Tongue fishing...just because...

Texas A&M University dubbed happiest college in United States

Health nuts are going to feel stupid someday, lying in the hospital dying of nothing.

8 cylinder car motor chain saw...

Can you imagine what would happen if that thing hit the metal frame holding the log?

Who knew this was even an option...

My bet is he's heading for a bar.

Truest graph I've ever seen...

A little piece of me has always regretted being circumcised.

????

How not to break a world's record...

Ladies and gentlemen, I give you DoubleDickDude...

My wife sent me the link about that guy. I am going to give you a chance to read the question and answer session from his website...it's fucking unbelievable...

>>>>> CLICK HERE <<<<<

And as if you needed further encouragement, here's a typical question:
"Do you normally masturbate with 1 or both of them and if the answer is both, can you answer my next question…if you finish with one dick do you feel you have to finish with the other or do you feel you are done."

Back before Walmart you used to have to buy a ticket to the fair to see a bearded woman.

A couple of dog thoughts...

I pity the man who is waiting around for the perfect woman, because she is surely waiting around for the perfect man.

I predict a full recovery...

I couldn't get the gif to work, but the total solar eclipse will go right over my house in 2017...see black dot in the center of blue shaded area...

“Well, I don’t know, officer, are pipe bombs considered vegetables?”

In a world opinion poll the U.S. is regarded as the biggest threat to world peace. The poll was conducted by Win/Gallup International. The survey was first started in 1977.

The poll sampled around 1,000 people in each of 65 different countries and a total of 66,805 respondents. In aggregate terms 24 percent of those polled thought that the United States was the greatest threat to world peace today. The runner-up was Pakistan but only eight percent thought it the greatest threat. China came third at 6 percent. North Korea, Israel and Iran all came in at 5 percent.

The face of pure terror...

33% of Americans do not believe in evolution. They think man has been in his present form since creation. I’d say that was about the same percent of ignorant bastards who read their horoscope everyday…and for the same reason.