FOLIO OLIO: WEDNESDAY #1866

It's so fucking cold I'm willing to have sex out of my weight class just for the body heat. But it has helped me justify breaking all 17 of my New Year's resolutions.
Left the faucets dripping to forestall freezing pipes and woke up to this...

Then we wake up this morning and we have no power. It wasn't ice...we had no ice. It was not an accident. Come to find out the electric company simply ran out of electricity. But we had a plan.
Since 5 Points had power, we called the manager of my favorite bar and restaurant and asked what time she would get there. So at 9 am I was sitting at a bar with heat, wifi and TV...and coffee. I stayed there until early afternoon until nap time.
When I woke up I found out that the power outage had somehow fucked up Time-Warner and I had no TV, no internet and no phone.
Luckily, my friend had left a Netflix DVD on my back porch and I had something to do until it was time to go to my afternoon bar.
All and all it was a trying day.

I couldn’t understand why there wasn’t more talk of the University of South Carolina’s quarterback, Connor Shaw, turning pro. I have just learned that he has an agent and will enter the NFL draft. That’s good because, as you can see, he has but three syllables in his name. After exhausting research I have determined that most of the great footballers have three or less syllables in their name – Bart Starr, Brett Favre, Joe Greene, Mike Ditka, Mel Medlin, etc. I, Ralph Henry, because of my syllabic advantage, would have surely been a great footballer also, except for my intense aversion to any type of physical exertion. Pity that.

My thoughts and prayers are with every single food delivery person I shamelessly send into the polar vortex.

33% of America is still woodlands. I find that amazing.

But if you've ever looked out the window of an airplane, you know there are a lot of trees.

Only $8 trillion have ever been mined. All precious metals ever mined is $15T and the US owes more than that.

OOMVO...

I broke up a near bar fight over whether yoga or Pilates was better.

I've told you about my friend, Kent, before - the only man in Columbia I will openly admit is smarter than I am. This came out of his mouth Sunday:

People think I’m anti-social.

Well, I am anti-social.

I consider being anti-social a virtue.

If God had access to divine knowledge, how come he never told anyone the earth was round? Think about it…he gave us the exact dimensions of the Ark and the construction material. Wouldn’t you think he would have added, “And, oh, Noah, you won’t fall off if you sail too far.”

This looks like a really great hatchet, but its logo seems to be coaxing my inner demons...

Scary thought: somebody's New Year's resolution is to take more selfies.

SYDSE...

People are buying ever bigger TV's. Why does it not occur to them to just move their furniture closer to the older smaller set?

I don't trust anybody who doesn't like Led Zeppelin.

I talked to a guy who owns a sidewalk company. They have patterns that they press into wet concrete to make them look like flagstone, cobblestone, bricks, etc. They also have dog prints, cat prints, leaves, etc.

So whose side are you on?

When out west I saw millions of tumbleweed, but I never saw them tumbling...

If we sent a werewolf to the moon, would he be a werewolf permanently?

Welcome to America, ya'll...

If you haven't grown up by age 50, you don't have to.

Modern college education - creating people who are smart enough to accurately repeat what they are told and follow orders, and dumb enough to think this makes them smarter than everyone else.

A bee stinger and a needle...

Making people laugh is the best feeling ever.

Last Clouded Leopard found...

The found leopard was in the form of a vest...

I have another true story about such things...

I found myself next to a young beautiful woman on a bar stool. I watched as for two hours she took picture after picture of herself....without embarrassment.