TUESDAY #1879

China has a huge TV to broadcast the sun for smog shrouded citizens...

I lost a small fortune on betting on this man...

I feel the same way, Tom.

Colorado, the only place in America where you can tip a pizza delivery guy with weed, and a weed delivery guy with pizza.

New terminology has sprung up.
Masturbating while smoking weed is called:
Highjacking
Weedwhacking
Disappointing your mother

My wife once told me that if she had to go through menopause then she was taking me with her.
One of my biggest fears was that menopause didn't exist and I was just seeing her real personality.

DEMOLITION DONE RIGHT

DEMOLITION DONE WRONG

I just took a shit and learned something about myself: I give up too easily. I wonder how many other aspects of my life this applies to?
It was a life-changing shit, I think.

This is one of the saddest photos I've ever seen...

Any time my dog pees on a fire hydrant, I judge him for being unoriginal.


What an unusual image...

How can it be called stealing when my neighbor's WiFi signal is trespassing into my house?

I must have a certain look I get that when my wife sees it, she says, "You fucked everything up again, didn't you?"

Creepiest robot you are likely to see today...

Sometimes I get bite marks on my tongue from all the things I didn't say.

A little soil, some grass seeds and a CD case...

 What a great learning aid for kids.

TRUE: Walking out of a restaurant after breakfast my wife and I sat at the outside table of a couple of young women she knew. The owner, a large, bearded man with grease-stained shirt and apron was outside smoking. At one point he leaned over to put out his cigarette, leaning directly over one of the girls and as he did so he let out a hacking cough straight down on the young woman's plate.
The other young woman, whom I knew, began laughing, then leaned to me and told me that her friend was a germophobe. When I looked over I could not resist laughing at the look a pure horror on her face.

 I ran across a series of ads whose primary objective was to convince women they were lacking and only with the purchase of their products could they be made whole....and desirable to men. And women fell for it hook, line and sinker....and still do.

 This one pictures all the young ladies not pretty enough to be Eastern stewardesses....

Don't think you have bought into this insanity? How many bottles of "beauty products" do you have in your bathroom?

It's not fun to be sober.

I like the way this story was told...

The sum of all positive integers (1 + 2 + 3 + 4 + 5....) is -1/12. This is not only provably true, it's also foundational to certain testable elements of physics. In other words: not just a logical curiosity, but also the bedrock of real-world mathematics.

Uncle Ralph says...

By the way, the number one killer of black rhinos are rouge males too old to mate. That is the black rhino that guy has paid to kill.

Using the word “discourse” makes you sound really sophisticated.

 If you were a siamese-twin, do you think it possible to tell a joke so funny that it causes your twin to piss yourself?

Electron microscope images of various virus...

My wife once let me tie her up.
She fell asleep.

Sex Education classes in high school should just be listening to a baby cry for five hours straight while watching the same cartoon on repeat.

One of the earliest funny pics I ever posted...

Whoever said, "Nothing tastes as good as skinny feels", must live in England.

It's true...

 Wife and husband might be equal until HE gets a cold.

Despite scientists claiming otherwise for over 30 years, little children are not telepathic.

50% still wear them even if they don't have to.

My opinion is that these women have been brainwashed since birth and that ain't something that can be easily overcome.

Today I will live in the moment, unless the moment becomes unpleasant, in which case I'll take a nap.

I'm worried that today's pirates are giving pirates a bad name.

My wife named my dick Thor, cause that's the way it made her feel the next day.

Lad seems to be taking the stress rather well...

Your pants say yoga, but your ass says McDonalds.

OOMVO...

 (they can't all be gems)

So, that last one was so bad I feel compelled to offer another...

Life should be more like hockey. When someone pisses you off, you just beat the shit out of them, then sit in the penalty box for 5 minutes.

Why did the pervert cross the road?

 He couldn't get his dick out of the chicken.

Looking into people’s windows at night tells us very little about the people inside and I just wasted a lot of film to prove it to you.

It's called a "Polaroll"...

In case of a nuclear accident, authorities may or may not evacuate the areas affected by radiation depending on whether or not they trust atmospheric dispersion forecasts. You better take that decision for yourself.

Calling people dirty sodomites for eons based solely upon a book written by sheepherders has led to gays not being able to have nice things, like tax breaks.

Jobs you don't see everyday...

 I think Dr. Aman knew exactly what he was doing.

The open road is again calling my name again...

Every time you find some humor in a difficult situation, you win.

AND THEN THERE'S THIS...

Sent my number one advisor this email:

I've got a feeling that as soon as humans decided they could own land, things changed forever.
You had to make sure you had a son to inherit the land so he would farm it...thus the whole male domination thing.
You had to make sure the son was your son, so all kind of penalties for infidelity.
It set up the whole us vs. them...landowners vs. non-landowners - that led to "artificial" nobility as one collected more and more land.

Anyway, I am planning a post about it and would just appreciate your thoughts.

Here's her reply:

Twelve thousand years ago, everybody on earth was a hunter-gatherer; now almost all of us are farmers or else are fed by farmers. The spread of farming from those few sites of origin usually did not occur as a result of the hunter-gatherers' elsewhere adopting farming; hunter-gatherers tend to be conservative.... Instead, farming spread mainly through farmers' outbreeding hunters, developing more potent technology, and then killing the hunters or driving them off of all lands suitable for agriculture.

-Jared Diamond, Guns, Germs and Steel

The concept of ownership played the critical role of connecting agricultural efficiency with political organization: power to control access to arable land translated to power to control societies dependent on the products of that land.

-Jeff Vail, A Theory of Power

The first man who, having enclosed a piece of land, thought to himself of saying This is mine, and found people simple enough to believe him, was the real founder of civil society. From how many crimes, wars, and murders, from how many horrors and misfortunes might not any one have saved mankind, by pulling up the stakes, or filling up the ditch, and crying to his fellows: Beware of listening to this impostor; you are undone if you once forget that the fruits of the earth belong to us all, and the earth itself belongs to nobody.

- Jean-Jacques Rousseau

Something very fundamental happened when males came to see the land and their accumulated herds as personal property. […] The clearing, plowing, irrigating, and fencing land required by intensive agriculture took a great deal of labor expenditure. Protecting one’s herds from animal and human predators, and raiding to enhance them was a very risky business. The similarities to warfare are obvious. Hence the wealth in land and herds a male accumulated tended to become considered personal property. [...] Obviously, the matrilineal descent rule would produce an undesirable outcome from the perspective of the father and son as it would send the father’s wealth to the household of his sister where it would come under the control of her brother. The son would be disinherited. The son may only inherit from his mother's brothers. By breaking the connection between labor, risk and reward the matrilineal system appears both unfair and inefficient. What incentive does a son have to help his father when it is his uncle's property he will inherit? Why should his uncle inherit the product of his labor? […] The institution of monogamy, the obsession with virginity, and the crime, punishable by death, of adultery followed from what is called patrilineal inheritance: children inheriting from their fathers.

-Dr. Starkey, 2006, "The Neolithic Revolution: Paradise Lost?"

(I think research makes that girl get wet)