FRIDAY #1931

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What if every time you slammed your driver's side door the window shattered and couldn't be just replaced, but you had to buy a whole new car. Well, think about your phone. Why do we put up with this? I told that to a young woman at the bar and she said, "But I was the one who dropped it." Well, name an item that you use regularly that you haven't dropped. The companies KNOW you are going to drop it. We can do better than to just bend over every time a company wants to fuck us in the ass.

It’s interesting how guys say ‘I’m gonna kick your ass’, but then they punch and kick everything EXCEPT your ass.

Gave me shivers at first, then I realized what's going on...

Turning 30 is the last time you get a good “decade” birthday.

I hope upon my recommendation you have seen this movie already. If not, trust me...I laughed my ass off...

I always assume that people with British accents are smarter than I am.

 Meanwhile in Japan...

I don’t condone the clubbing of MOST seals.

Boy, I am so NOT looking forward to spinning in my grave.

Motherfucker knocked out an entire machine gun position!

I don’t think I’ve ever seen a man eat yogurt in a TV commercial.

It's very difficult to believe anything these days...

I have no idea what this is, but except for the X tattoos, I'm pretty much dead on...

Wouldn’t it be great if alien abduction was proven…just from the calling in excuse from work angle.

Today while driving, I was eating a sandwich. The construction guy in front of me was also eating a sandwich. As I passed him, I raised my sandwich and he raised his, and we shared a moment of mutual sandwich appreciation.

I am not impressed that the dog can do this. My question is, how in the fuck did he learn how to do it?

St. Patrick’s Day, Mardi Gras, and Spring Break: Suggesting that we should just stay drunk the whole month of March.

Back when Pope Francis was still going by the handle of Jorge Bergoglio, he earned a master's degree in chemistry from the University of Buenos Aires. Modern-day science writer and Jesuit Guy Consolmagno studies asteroids and meteorites at the Vatican Observatory... “Doing science is like playing a game with God, playing a puzzle with God,” Consolmagno once told the Canadian Broadcasting Center. “God sets the puzzles, and after I can solve one, I can hear him cheering, 'Great, that was wonderful, now here’s the next one.' It’s the way I can interact with the Creator... Religion needs science to keep it away from superstition and keep it close to reality, to protect it from creationism, which at the end of the day is a kind of paganism -- it's turning God into a nature god."

I'm sorry, but when you sit two people at a table to discuss ANYTHING and one of them is allowed to just DECLARE that something happened or didn't happen because of magic, then I say the discussion is pretty much over. But maybe that's just me.

Everything we feared about communism – that we would lose our houses and savings and be forced to labor eternally for meager wages with no voice in the system – has come true under capitalism.

I saw a pair of ear protectors so good they were “rated for a church sermon at point blank range”.

I wonder if anyone is trying to prove that E equals MC tripled?

Early phone usage instructions...

...and a whole lot of you guys haven't learned this one yet...

Do you know how grateful we should be that thought bubbles over our heads doesn’t happen?

Pretty much describes every single one of my friends…uncanny...

Reading can seriously damage your ignorance.

That's cool and all but I always wondered what burning $200,000,001 worth looked like. Thanks though.

I don’t know what’s more awkward, answering Dora or sitting in silence while she stares at me.

Never stop to smell the roses. I read that they are gateway flowers.

This man just had some sexual experience for the first time...

 So let's do all the sex gags at one time...

Real footage of post-earthquake tremor response...

 Yeah, I thought would you thought it looked like she got caught doing.

Speaking of...

 Nice tongue work. 
Okay, let's move on.

Did you ever notice that most Americans sleep in a bed big enough to play kickball on?

Defecting to Antarctica seems like it would be pretty easy.

Ever notice how you only see old dungeons?

Hissy or conniption?

Remembering my obsession with the instructions that photographers give their models, it appears for her expression that this model has reached her limit...

Does anyone else think that “Kinko’s” sounds like a cereal for perverts?

I’m beginning to think that I’ll never be in a knife fight on top of a moving train.

I, like so many other people, seem to be drawn to things that we are told we can't do. I hold people like these girls in the highest regard...

And when it comes to alcohol, I am somewhat of world class do what you want....

I have smuggled alcohol in and out of more places than you can imagine...from an elementary library during a staff meeting to a nuclear weapons facility.

Rush hour shenanigans...

It must really suck to be a day shift vampire hunter.

The Australians have had enough...

I’m glad that technology finally caught up to the tiny pocket in blue jeans.

I’m guessing cannibals are very punctual for dinner, or otherwise they end up with a plateful of armpits or assholes.

The NSA has a research facility in Bluffdale, Utah. It's loaded with "metadata-gathering computers that currently require 1.7 million gallons of water a day" to keep them cool. Utah representative Marc Roberts (R) has introduced HB161, which would shut off their water supply. If the bill passes, how will the federal government respond?

I'VE GOT A NICE POST FOR YOU TOMORROW.

GERMANY, ITALY, AUSTRALIA, EGYPT, FRANCE, IRELAND, CANADA, SPAIN, JAPAN, CHINA, INDIA, PAKISTAN, highjack, IED,