FOLIO OLIO: FRIDAY #1994

Mothers. You gotta love mothers...

I wonder how many people will get this...

My wife told me she bought a pork loin wrapped in bacon..

When I cut into it I thought the pink center was raw, but we found out it was ham...three kinds of hog in one dish.

Then we found out it was chicken, not pork.

Speaking of...

This was the headline for an article about this:

Well, good for you, Sparky.

If you can’t taste the diabetes, you ain’t doin’ it right.

My wife's hair is growing back in the shape of a spiral galaxy....

You just spent hours if not days learning how to use photoshop....quick...what do you do with this new found skill?

Insomnia sufferers, look on the bright side. Only 3 more sleeps until Christmas.

A walk-along glider is a type of model plane that's kept aloft, theoretically indefinitely, by someone walking along with it as it flies, generating rising air using a piece of cardboard, paddle, or even your body. Smithsonian Air & Space posted a template and instructions for making a simple paper walk-along glider....

I once got my bathing suit pulled down at a pool party and got a standing ovation from all present. It was singularly the most magnificent moment of my life.

Of course, I realize that people who are very comfortable thinking they will live forever, will NEVER admit that they could be in error...

This, my friends, is a robot bee...

Or, at least, it was stated thusly.

How to tell if you’re OCD

How to find out if you’re OCD

How can you tell if you’re OCD

Born in 1929 and from Croatia, Frane Selak's terrifyingly unlucky but incredibly lucky timeline goes like this:

1962 - train flips off the track and crashes into a river killing 17 people, Selak survives.

1963 - plane crashes killing 19 people but Selak is sucked out of a malfunctioning door and lands in a haystack. He survives.

1966 - bus skids off the road and kills 4 people, Selak survives

1970 - car catches on fire but he manages to escape before it explodes. He survives.

1973 - car catches on fire and shoots flames through the air vents. He survives.

1995 - hit by a bus. He survives.

1996 - misses head on collision in his car but falls off the road. He's ejected from his seat and holds onto a tree as the car plummets 300 foot down. He survives.

2003 - he wins about a million dollars in the lottery

2010 - he gives away the rest of his money to family and friends

The creature is a single-cell organism (Nassula). It appears to have a nucleus, a vaculoe, and perhaps a mitochondrion floating in cytoplasm. And that is all that is needed for life. What is it that converts this combination of membranes and complex molecules into a "living" organism capable of eating and reproducing. It staggers the mind when you think about it.

NASA Spacesuit Design Challenge Winner Looks Like Something Out Of 'Tron'

You can double the excitement of watching auto racing by doing the ironing at the same time.

Speed Weed is a marijuana delivery service chain in southern California. I don't know if this movie still is a hoax or the name was stolen.

I miss rappers bragging about their high phone bills.

We know the Egyptians dragged their huge stones on sleds...

But when scientists tried it, the sand just piled up in front of the sled....Until they wet the sand, then it was smooth sailing...

Childhood abuse or neglect was found to be associated with changes in levels of weight-controlling hormones in adulthood.

You can take the assassin out of the girl, but you can't take the girl out of the assassin.

That made me smile real big.

My head is too heavy. It flattens even the firmest of pillows. I take it as yet more evidence of a superior intellect.

OOMVO...

Memories are totally unreliable and we shouldn’t trust them. Got together with family and found that my brother and sister had completely different memories of the exact same event. And I read that each of us could have passed a lie detector test since we sincerely believed our version was correct. Further, many memories are not of a single event, but fragments of many event stitched together by our minds.

I'm waiting for a church to announce a "Stone a Faggot For Christ" Night.

A Mars map on an Earth map...

I need your help. Before a vowel you say "an"...an apple, an onion, an umbrella, an igloo, an uncle. What about university. An university? I think not.

There are over 1 billion Chinese, but I have never seen a pregnant Chinese woman.

OOMVO...

(for my friend, Aaron)

There are so very many things wrong with this photo...

Did you catch the guy's butt crack? And not ONE, but TWO people taking pictures of a monkey barfing.

Do you have any idea how many old photographs you have to look through to find something of interest?

None of those photographs came with an explanation, which means our imaginations can run wild.

I really like sight gags...

My wife and I, no matter how busy we are, always find time to have at least one 7 second kiss every day. And it's a nice thing.

Shit you don't see every day...

By the way, "everyday" and "every day" DO NOT mean the same thing.

Every word is a made-up word. Think about that.
So why are people freaking over U and R for the old you and are? I actually like...really like...G8 for great.

What does it say about your country if you put a pile of dog shit on your money?

Rules and Stubbornness:
When in the 9th grade I broke my arm in such a way that I couldn't write. I took all my test orally and did very well, thank you very much. But then my cast came off and my English teacher told me I had to make-up ALL the homework. I argued that the homework was to insure I learned the material. I passed all the test, so I obviously had learned the material. I told her I would not do meaningless homework and she flunked me.
The down side was that I had to go to Summer School, but the upside was that there was a Krystal Burger directly across the street and I ate at least one each and every day.

Once upon a time a bunch of matter showed up out of nowhere and a little while later, it started asking question.

Ran across these purely evil life hacks...

On this day, mankind received a grim reminder.

For when you can't afford two clocks I guess...

In response to erection of the Ten Commandments on the State House grounds in Oklahoma, a group sued and got permission to erect their own Satanic statue...

Never, ever underestimate the power of a kiss placed on the back of a woman’s neck.

If I were younger I would try this...

There are more nipples on Earth than people.

Make peace not war. I like it...

You've known your parents for your whole life, but they have only known you for a portion of theirs.

Carved into a school desk...

I have something kind of like that...unfinished...

Can anybody tell what it's supposed to be?

How many birds do you think you've seen twice?

Going to visit someone on their death bed? So you want someone to play nice with you with their last remaining minutes? Did they send for you? If not, leave them the fuck alone.