FOLIO OLIO: MONDAY #1976

WHY I HAVE THE FRIENDS I HAVE

The importance of timing.

Met my friend, Kent, for our usual weekly get together yesterday. He said, "My fiftieth anniversary is coming up. I was afraid my children would organize some soirée so I preemptively rented a cottage at the beach. At dinner the other night I told her of my plans and......just for one brief moment......the scowl left her face.......I took that as a sign of approval."
(He sounded like Garrison Keeler)

First, the latest news...

I found that very funny....but maybe it's just me.

Why aren't we funding this?

I once walked on those exact same slabs...

I've often heard people wonder aloud why somebody didn't just kill the crazy prick...

The truth is, there were dozens of attempts on Hitler's life, but somehow he always managed to survive.
Pity that.

My wife has asked me why I am so good at oral sex. I shrug and say I don’t know, but the truth is I used to eat my snack pack puddings without a spoon...and I ate A LOT of pudding.

This is the only one of these cartoons that I have found even remotely funny...

What a great movie.

These SAS raiders in the North African desert were arguably the baddest motherfuckers on the planet...

And they look the part.

Now that the NBA has taken care of racism, I think they should tackle world peace, then famine, then gas prices….in that order.

My wish came true...a beautiful old building restored...

Let's put this photograph of him on T-shirts...

Did you notice the hat? If not mistaken, US Cavalry.

I’ve decided that every time some motherfucker pisses me off today, I’m going to piss off some random motherfucker….just to see what happens. Like, could I become some sort of a piss off typhoid Mary.

Why is it breast cancer gets so much attention?
Boobies. Pure and simple. Boobies.

Grounded planes on 9/11...

I still am amazed by that.

Me to my young daughter: “I know you're 5 years old and you think monsters are under your bed, so here's a gun, just start shooting if you see something distressing."

Uncle Joe being goofy...

Hey guys quick question. I'm in Walmart right now, which aisle would be the best for me to lie down and die in?

This is the unbroken seal on King Tut's tomb...

I find it fascinating. I plan to duplicate that on a sculpture one of these days...as a lifting handle I think.

OOMVO...

A better OOMVO...

I'd rather keep thinking there are punctuation errors in everything I read rather than clean my monitor.

Photography...

Our bodies can turn chocolate milk into pee.
Think about that.

Exquisite....

Today I got passed by a Prius. Its exhaust sounded a lot like my man-card being revoked.

So, who is it that decides what is and what is not a perversion? Not only that, yesterday's "perversions" are today's TV commercials. It's all so temporary, yet so seriously punished.

Why would any guy care if another man is gay?
One of the faggiest things you can do is worry
about what another man does with his dick.

But we are all allowed to voice an opinion.

You can trust me, because I don’t care enough to lie.

Never heard of it.

A morning without coffee is sleep.

Photography...

I’m impressed with my ability to make reckless decisions even when I’m sober.

My wife laughs like this often...

She said the clippers tickled.
I will state up front, without hesitation, that my wife IS my bucket list.

It's weird when I'm sitting on the couch and my dog walks by and looks at me but keeps walking cause he's living his own life.

If a man read an ad like this directed toward him, he would say, or at least think, FUCK YOU....and move on...

But women seem to believe ANYTHING a magazine tells them to do....

In all fairness, it's not all women...just the ones I pity.

I wish I had thought of this...

“Before each Apollo voyage, the press and other interested parties were given circular cards like this one, which indicated each activity that was planned at any given “Mission Elapsed Time” (MET), defined as the time since launch.”