EXTRA-LONG FRIDAY POST #2035

I laughed...and it's short...silly, but short...

I'm thinking my daughter ought to like that.
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Question: Can you think of a number of undocumented children that would be too many for the US to absorb?

 Of course you can, even it is some ridiculous number like 300M. Well, just because my number is smaller than yours does not make me an evil, heartless human being.

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HAPPY FOURTH! 

History began on July 4th, 1776.

Everything before that was a mistake.

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I know for a fact that this can be a real problem for them...

 You might want to check out your neighborhood before your fun.
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This is, in fact, true...

It seems that lighter skinned athletes are easier to market than darker skinned.....so, they just pull a Michael Jackson. Talk about selling out...damn.

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I learned something today. Bacteria, like most life, is mostly water. That's why dried food won't go bad as quickly...the bacteria dries and dies also.
************ Just heard a guy on TV who tried to say "It was one of those Eureka moments" and instead said, "It was one of those urethra moments" and had to correct himself....awkwardly.
************ I have bet more money than I usually bet to enter two pools, whereby each of eight players choose a soccer team at random to win it all. As luck would have it, I picked Colombia in BOTH pools. Wish me luck.
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Electricity through the graphite of a pencil...

All truly great thoughts are conceived while walking. – Nietzsche

Judge strikes down Kentucky ban on gay marriage, but ruling on hold while state appeals for right to keep treating gays like shit.

Suction vents...

Strange sand "deserts" in Maine of all places...

Nobody knows for sure why the Eurozone is fucked, 
but Greece is to blame anyways.

Before drinking an "energy drink", pause to consider this: How are you going to use that extra energy to better serve Christ?

This is not Charleston, South Carolina...

...but historical minded Charleston has a law to limit the height of downtown buildings, like Paris. The problem is, the cruise liners parked at the dock violated that law, so they had to vote on an exemption. For obvious reasons, this photo reminded me of the problem.
Speaking of boats...

Launching of a million dollar yacht...

My bet is that the guy in the yellow hat is responsible.

For the twelfth time in five years, the Supreme Court has unanimously rejected a case made by the Obama administration.

 How it looked in the movie...

 How it was filmed...

To the naked eye (who thought that term up?) that would all happen at once. It's that fast.
Now imagine that you have twenty nuclear weapons in a bunker that must be destroyed because the US Air Force base is being overrun by an evil horde of commies. If you set explosives over the warheads of each, then set them off at once with a timer or whatever, you would risk the very first explosion knocking the other explosives off the weapon; leaving usable warhead material. Therefore each shape charge is connected with detonation cord, which fires so fast that the explosion of any one shape charge simply doesn't have time to disturb any other shape charge before it too would detonate.

Scientists who watched dozens of different mammals from rats to elephants relieve themselves found that most of them seem to urinate in the same time frame -- around 21 seconds.

 And yes, that is Tommy Alva.

Do lonely lesbians read books about lesbians to feel less lonely?

So....ah....how filthy is your family?

The number one explanation for the baby boom...

There is no way you would believe my adventures while parked amidst hundreds of other cars, some no more than four feet away. Of course, they were concentrating on their own exploits and not mine.

How to cool beer cheap...

Cool, but not cold.....so fuck that shit.

Bless is heart.

Checking your phone after someone else pulls out their phone is the yawn of our generation.

Concussions make you walk funny.

Where were and are the immigrants...

Car hit by lightning? 

Did anyone else notice the sparky thing coming out of the car as it drives away?

Exercising would be so much more rewarding if calories screamed while you burned them.


Like a boss...

I don't always use the self-checkout machines, but when I do, there's always an unexpected item in the bagging area.

What a wonderful idea!

If people winked in real life as much as they do in text messages, this would be a pretty creepy place.

My friend has a Buffalo Wing restaurant with "Atomic Wings" which comes with a bathroom key and a motivational speaker.

My life has become a lot more interesting now that I make sure to hold my stare when I accidentally lock eyes with a stranger.


One Of My Very Own...

None of my wife's yoga pants have ever been to yoga.

Now that's what I call a vibration...

The closest I've ever gotten to a paranormal experience is the times I've had a "ghost shit", where I didn't have to wipe.


OOMVO...

I think it would be great if instead of chafing, my wife's thighs just eroded away when they rub together.

The only logical explanation of bleu cheese's existence is that somebody at it on a bet and liked it.

Oh, the humanity...

Could be sweet or sour...depending on whether you are the donor or the donee...

Following the Supreme Court’s recent Hobby Lobby ruling, Citing religious beliefs, Walmart has been granted permission to sacrifice one employee a month to Quickicashi, the dark Lord of Profits. No details are presently available as to the method of execution.

My mantra...

Early astronomers got tired after watching the sun go around the earth for 24 hours so they decided to call it a day.

Just look at his expression...

British youth worker Keith Brown was traveling to London from Ethiopia with his wife when he was detained by customs officers while connecting in Dubai. He was found to have cannabis on his person, was arrested on drug possession charges, and was sentenced to four years in prison. He had 0.003 grams (0.0001 oz) of cannabis stuck to the bottom of his shoe. This is about the size of a grain of sugar not nearly enough to have any psychotropic effect. Fortunately for the 43-year-old father of three, he was pardoned and released early on in his sentence. The UAE is notoriously tough and unyielding on drug crime a German national was imprisoned for carrying over-the-counter jet lag pills that are legal in Dubai, and a Swiss traveler was reportedly jailed for having poppy seeds on his clothing after eating a bread roll at Heathrow Airport.

AND THEN THERE'S THIS FROM ONE OF MY MOST TRUSTED ADVISORS...

Remember this unsolved riddle?
Bishop Samuel Wilberforce
I’m the sweetest of sounds in Orchestra heard,
Yet in Orchestra never was seen.
I’m a bird of gay plumage, yet less like a bird,
Nothing ever in Nature was seen.
Touch the earth I expire, in water I die,
In air I lose breath, yet can swim and can fly;
Darkness destroys me, and light is my death,
And I only keep going by holding my breath.
If my name can’t be guessed by a boy or a man,
By a woman or girl it certainly can.

Well, unbeknownst to me, he had had time to analyze it before. Here's his breakdown of the riddle:

We actually studied this in one of my classes in school many years ago.  It was part of an exercise where we had to give our interpretations of various writings.   We broke up in to groups of four or five and at the end of the week we revealed our answers for several poems/riddles.  This being one of them and after seeing your post, I recall it vividly.

I remember that we concluded no one would ever know who was right for sure, but the general consensus was that it is a whale.  We did not come up with a type of whale, but after just Googling the Internet, I see many think it is a Wright’s Whale.  We didn’t get that far.

Heard but not seen – Orca can be heard in “Orchestra”

Bird – meant type, not a “bird”.  As in. he is a strange bird.  birds of a feather…

Gay Plumage – had to use an alternate 1800’s definition of gay, but can’t recall what it was.

Nothing in Nature – no other beast like it

Dies on land – beached

In water I die – means it lives in the water

In air I lose breath – there she blows

Swim and fly are synonymous

Dark destroys in light I die – whaling for lamp oil

Holds breath

Can’t be guessed by a boy or man – means there is a similar sounding item that is best known by females

By a woman or girl it certainly can – there where two items upon we could not agree – knitting wales and a whalebone corset.  I think either could fit, but there is no reason a clue can’t have a double meaning as long as it reveals the solve.

We had several other solves – mermaid/siren, tuning fork (can’t even remember how that one came up)