TUESDAY #2172

NEWSY BITS...

He got a new tattoo...

And years from now someone will ask him what his tattoo means and he will explain.

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Very short infomercial...sort of...

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In last night’s NFL game, the quarterbacks Mettenberger /Roethlisberger had the most combined letters in their names of any NFL game ever. My question is, how long did it take the researcher to come up with that? Seriously.

Has anybody else’s wife sat on the toilet and farted so violently that the waste water backed up in the shower?

Now consider the wisdom of places like the Middle East where they elect to omit half their population from the brain pool.

Proof that the robots are practicing to take over...

Pluto is now a verb. Think about that.

My great-nephew helping his dad change the brakes...

The most over-engineered easel in the world...

A reblog that I so hope is real...

I think they should offer you a courtesy wife if your real wife has to spend time in the hospital.

Those who are brutally honest seem to always get more satisfaction out of the brutality than the honesty.

Photography...

How to use brick creatively...

That's amazing.
I wonder how hard that is to build. Any brick masons out there?

I should have thought of this...

 What was he thinking...

You don’t beat the Reaper by living longer.

You beat the Reaper by living well.

I saw a documentary that put forth the theory that the river did not, in fact, carve the Grand Canyon over millions of years. Rather, during the receding Ice Age, there was a trapped inland sea held by an ice damn, and when the damn finally broke, torrents of water hushed down the route for weeks.

A different view of Woodstock...

As a senior in high school working damn near full time, my parents decided I needed a car. I was given a maximum of $1000. My mother found an Austin Healey very similar to this for exactly $1000....

My father would have none of it and bought me this Corvair...

You can only imagine my disappointment.

This reminds me of something similar...

For years I ALWAYS turned my camera's focus ring the wrong direction on the first try.

Last night my wife and I had words, 

but I didn’t get to use any of mine.

I’ve found that almost all my directions are based on pub and bar locations.

I have no idea why that log is preserved, but I am interested.

Another pic from Notonyourfuckinglifeville....

Naming Guy: "This place on your elbow serves no purpose except for emitting intense pain when struck. Let’s call it the ‘Funny Bone’."

Guy found a pistol...

Reminded me that I, too, once found a pistol in the wilderness...

I always wondered if someone just dropped it while camping or if a murderer threw it away. It does look like someone purposely broke it up, but...

Have you ever drank a beer while you were eating a Hardee's breakfast sausage biscuit? Ain't bad.

Brilliant!

Try explaining that to a 3 year old.

In Ireland, there are 17.6 pubs per person.

If you know what I mean.

One Of My Very Own That I Am Not Proud Of...

Let's try it again, this from a whole new batch I've been working on...

If you didn't at least snort at that, then you need to work on your humor receptors.

I learned the hard way that you can’t cheer up a grieving friend by giving his wife’s tumor a cutesy name.

Don't drink with this guy...

 ...he can't hold his liquor.
And shit like that, Gentle Reader, is why I'm going to hell.

I've never understood why some of the most important jobs in our society pay the least...

Teachers, firemen, policemen, soldiers. 

Excellent advice.

Some time, some place, someone has stolen an old woman’s wheelchair.

I just heard Cam Newton talking about the mistakes during the Panther's lose and he said, "Hindsight is 50-50."

Yes, this book was published...

I think.

I gave that advice to a young man who was worried sick about starting his own business.

 A few facts...

Somebody has decisions to make...

A day may come when this package feeds four, 
but this day is not that day.

Don't ask...

Just cover her face with a flag and do her for Old Glory.

Hell, yeah, I'd go "camping" in this thing...

Where would you park a thing like that?

Some of my fondest memories involved a campfire...

 Woman who looks like a slut, but probably isn't...

Yeah, we get what you were trying to show....

 ...but nobody holds a bow string with four fingers...except maybe my wife.

A skill I didn't even know existed...

I'm still impressed. If I had breasts I would do shit like that all the time, and then I'd call my wife in to look at it.

As a man I feel that if someone needs a knife and I don’t have one, I have failed on some level.

That hilarious moment when you realize the internet was invented to save time.

Fuck you.