MONDAY #2192

Shakespeare invented the Knock, Knock joke:

The first "Knock, knock.  Who's there..." was written by Shakespeare:  "Knock, knock, knock! Who's there, i' th' name of Belzebub? . . . [Knock] Knock, knock! Who's there, in th' other devil's name?"  [Macbeth II:3, 1-8]

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In its most recent census, Germany discovered it had lost 1.5 million inhabitants. By 2060, experts say, the country could shrink by an additional 19 percent, to about 66 million.  Demographers say a similar future awaits other European countries, and the issue grows more pressing every day as Europe’s seemingly endless economic troubles accelerate the decline."

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Those readers who have been following developments in the Antikyhthera mechanism will want to read about an update on the subject.  The date it was constructed to be used was 205 B.C. - earlier than previously thought.

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Mysterious Mars Mound May Be Result Of Ancient Lava Flows

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Chinese media regulators have called on broadcasters to end the widespread, longstanding practice of using puns, idiom and wordplay in everyday communications, advertisement, jokes, and political speech.

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I don't know how the Orion test could be called flawless if several of the floatation devices did not deploy...

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I am swinging my support to the protesters. I know many a good cop - one will be spending a couple of days with me this week - but there has to be a better way to weed out the assholes.

Who would have thought...

Who would have thought that?...assuming it is true.

This is pretty powerful...

 An awareness campaign that puts you in the picture...

This is the oldest pair of shoes ever found...

And this is my new shoes...

 I say they look similar.

Another example of quality humor...

You know your wife shops too cheaply when Taco Bell has better toilet paper than you do.

I like to drink my first beer before my bagel in the morning.

How long do you think it will be before we have something like this as thin as a piece of paper that will do that while hanging on your wall...

Ever wonder why nobody smiled in those old photographs?

 They were all fucked up!

Try something “new” and all she can say is “This is terribly uncomfortable.”

We only get one body and I’ve ruined mine already.

A lot of people have families who only love them because they have to.

A beautiful sunset...

My great-nephew and nieces on vacation...

One photo, all represented...

 Speaking of poles...

When you drink too much alcohol, you are just borrowing happiness from tomorrow.

From Germany...

All those tools are made of chocolate.

There is a face in each of these photographs...

 And I bet she never even thanked him...

Whoever named it “necking” didn’t know shit about anatomy.

 This man needs his ass kicked.

Why waste money on a child leash when your kid can just grow a rattail for free? Plus, no one wants to kidnap a youngster with a rattail. Two birds.

Does this really work that way?

 I'm telling you there is a worldwide conspiracy...

The other day I reminded my wife of that very queer 5 year old who pranced into my classroom a few years ago and stole my heart. His name was Douglas and even at that young age loved nothing more than to redecorate his room. My wife did some research and found out he owns his very own company and doing very well...

Yesterday my wife asked me if her voice sounded fat.

Sacrificed animals for a festival...

Because all gods seem to like the smell of burning flesh.

Artist David Cerny's moving statue of Franz Kafka would make sense to anyone who has read the stories from the great Czech writer—it's a literal representation of what Kafka does to his readers: It twists their minds in the most unexpected and fascinating ways...

Clue: Sentence ender.

Answer: _ _ _ _ _ _

Highlight between the brackets:

[ PAROLE ]

One Of My Very Own...

Don't let anyone with bad eyebrows tell you shit about life...

The only legitimate reason to put the roll on backwards...

“Put on your Sunday best, kids, we’re going to Sears!”

There’s a fine line between crazy and free spirited and it’s usually a prescription.

Umievskaya...

 This is not his...

 And I don't know who did this one either...

My premature ejaculation pairs nicely with my wife’s impatience.

The body's white blood cells attacking a parasite...

My wife used to work at a sperm bank, but she got fired for drinking on the job.

 How to cook shrimp in seconds...

The mind that is not baffled is not employed adequately.

Cheap dates: the pitiful sums that Big Cable used to buy off the politicians who oversee it. Even when you factor in dark money, Super PACs and the rest of it, politicians are willing to sell out the nervous system of the 21st century to the worst companies in America for less than $100K.