SUNDAY #2212

I finished the most recent of my Dollar Statements, and I like it very much.
First some history.
Many years ago I began this whole dollar art thing with a TV tray displaying hundreds of dollar bills as if someone, somewhere thought it was a good idea to present someone else with a statement of their worth.
Then my motivation switched to how an alternative universe may treat money....fancy carrying cases and such.
This next one caught me wondering about a doctor in my universe rewarding well-behaved children not with a lollipop, but with cash...hermetically sealed two dollar bills to be exact.

This last one was supposed to be a toy to amuse children and adults alike.
I started by using graph paper to space where the 3/8'' holes exactly 1/2" from center to center. I did this with an awl and a leather mallet...

As you can see from this next image, the space between holes was very, very small...

After hours of drilling, I made a cute little stand to hold it upright and I was ready.

 I wanted brand new dollars so that they would be more stiff. 

 I also wanted, for reasons I can't explain because there is no reason, the serial numbers to be consecutive. This meant I had to "order" them from the bank.

When I first started this whole dollar thing, I vowed not to "buy" dollars....trading in, say, four one-hundred dollar bills for four-hundred one dollar bills. All of the bills had to come from my change in my normal daily activities. Therefore, I "bought" my new dollars with dollars that I had, in fact, amassed over the years. I felt it legitimate.
After 8 weeks of waiting, the new bills were finally acquired and that is a story unto itself.
I do not navigate normal life with any finesse whatsoever. I survive, usually, by stumbling from one disaster to another mumbling all the while that it wasn't my fault. So finally after four visits to the bank to see if my new bills had come in from the mint or wherever, I finally did something smart. I sent my wife. Within ten minutes of leaving the house she called and told me the money was ready to pick up. Let that be a lesson to you all.
I then began to roll each bill into thin rolls so that they would fit in the holes. 

 That is not as easy as it sounds. Oh, sure, you can roll a dollar with no problem whatsoever, but when you roll 400 bills you discover that you use muscles that you never use for anything else, and they begin to ache. 

 I soon discovered that a case or so of Bud Light took care of all discomfort.
This is a photo of me ready to insert the last dollar.

And goddamnit, it looks fucking good!

It looks clean. I like clean.

 I let the bills sit in the holes for a couple of days so that they could expand...meaning the rolled bill will have an urge to unroll, thus filling the hole, making it more secure.

 Now for the bad news.
I had so anticipated that I could mash my face against the protruding dollars on one side and be able to see the contour of same face on the other. That does sound logical doesn't it?
I mean, shouldn't your nose push the bills out on the other side?
Well, the answer is no. The bills DO NOT slide that easily. As a matter of fact, mashing my nose against all those bills only mashed my nose against my face.
So now I plan to go out and buy a human-like plastic Halloween mask or some such shit and see if I can muscle it past the resistance of the bills.
I will keep you inform.
But this is one of the saddest days of my life.

No, just kidding. I really don't give a shit...it still looks clean. 

 Now for the real bullshit Sunday post....

SORRY, BUT I REALLY DON'T HAVE TIME FOR THIS. IF YOU WOULD LIKE SOMETHING TO THINK ABOUT, GO BACK AND READ THE BIBLE'S DESCRIPTION OF HEAVEN FROM LAST SUNDAY'S POST AND ASK YOURSELF IF THAT SOUNDS......DEVINE TO YOU; OR, DOES IT SOUND JUST LIKE SOME HUMAN JUST MADE IT UP ON THE FLY, AS IT WERE.

Like god wouldn't know that....how silly.

Oh, really? Has any of those rah-rah inspirational quote writers ever read the book?