FOLIO OLIO: FRIDAY #2217

NEWSY BITS...

I wonder how many people know what these are and how good they are...

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I beg to differ. I have personally christened this The Year of the Child.

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My kind of guy.
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The idea is that you buy an airline ticket that has a layover at your actual destination. Say you want to fly from New York to San Francisco you actually book a flight from New York to Lake Tahoe with a layover in San Francisco and get off there, without bothering to take the last leg of the flight. This travel strategy only works if you book a one-way flight with no checked bags (they would have landed in Lake Tahoe).

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I wonder how it feels to know the whole world hates you.

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Not all that surprising.

I want to see a zombie movie where the only thing that can save you is to get really drunk because the zombies are allergic to alcohol. Imagine watching a bunch of really, really drunk people dealing with that.

There is nothing worse than standing outside your house at 2am practicing saying, “Oh, hi, honey. Are you still up?”

Wouldn't this be a great monument to those civilians killed in war....

Like they may have been buried in the rubble, but they are not forgotten.

My young students used to freak out when I demonstrated this...

When learning water colors (or clay or anything really) the first thing I would do is just let them play with it. There was no goal, no right or wrong...just play with it. The next session I would asked them to do something with the knowledge.

Speaking of knowledge...

Do you have kids? Print out this face of Sophia Loren and very carefully point out these facts...

1. Her eyes are half way between the top of her head and her chin...kids NEVER get this right intuitively.

2. Let them measure that the eyes are the same size and the size of those eyes is exactly the same as the distance between the eyes.

3. Again letting them measure, show them that the width of the nose is the same as the width of the eye.

4. And that the mouth is exactly the width as from pupil to pupil, or two eye widths.

5. The neck is more or less the width as from the outside of one eye to the outside of the other.

I think both are rather cruel (the top just teasing them)...

But the bottom is just cruel and unusual punishment.

What if you were deaf and only had four fingers?

Estimation of how close the Space Station is to you...

Oh, holy shit…

MARKETING

My bar just got these in. A coaster you can separate and clip the "mustache" to your nose with that little space...

It's sort of lost on me...

Then another company came up with these that you clip to your nose...

I know they are silly, but I also know we all need a little silly from time to time.

Not without pride I can tell you that I am very good at making people feel like shit when they deserve to feel like shit.

You never know when those mushrooms are going to kick in...

I can remember when you could call the library and they would take your question...ANY question, and call you back with the answer. I introduced my daughter to their phone number when she asked me how much the sun weighed. Before giving her the exact answer, they asked, "In pounds or tons?"

Here are a few from the New York library archives that I thought worth sharing...

You don’t realize how many people you hate until you have to name a baby.

Looking for the racial divide in this country? Look no farther...

White's love the cops and blacks are scared to death of them. I've talked to some of my black young friends and it is a very strange thing. They actually understand why most people are fearful of young black men, because THEY are fearful of young black men. But then they (my responsible friends) are pissed off that they are stopped and harassed as if he were a thug also.

I haven't gotten my head around it all yet....give me some time and I'll be back at you.

The guy who came up with “junk” as a euphemism for penis must have had very low self-esteem.

One Of My Very Own...

My wife’s dance style ranges from white mom at a backyard barbecue to stripper whose rent in due tomorrow.

Well, blimey!

Doing really well in elementary school really set me and my parents up for a lot of disappointment.

That moment for me was the birth of my first child. I know it will sound corny, but at that moment I became a man...a man with all the responsibilities that come with it and there was no way of shirking those responsibilities.

If you think you are too old to rock and roll, then you are.

Seriously, think about how he must feel with his mother standing in his way and showing no signs of letting him "rule".

Dad, the dishwasher is acting up!

My Christmas present from my daughter; two real Italian sausages and some great cheese. With white wine, fresh strawberries and Wheat Thins it's hard to beat...

This is a motorhead's equivalent of the dog dying in a movie...

Photographer was at a checkpoint at just the right (or wrong) moment...

That is from, I think, Syria...but does it matter?

This next one might make a difference...it's from America...

Now that I’ve gotten older, my primary quest is to be a person worth knowing…and I expend a great amount of energy doing so.

If you want me to judge the shit out of you, then just do this to your hands.

Gentleman’s clubs typically fall into only two categories — either Vegas-style megaplex or scary neighborhood dive. So how do you get your club to stand out?

Well, a drive thru lane, of course.
I'm not a big fan of strip clubs. and just the thought of the below makes me nauseous...

The last few times I was treated to a visit to a strip club I would have beautiful women dressed only in a tiny thing over their vagina come up to me and begin to "dance" for my personal pleasure. I would whisper in their ear that if they wanted to make some money they needed to spend their time elsewhere. And every single time they kissed me on the cheek and thanked me.

Most people don't know that strippers aren't like the ones you see in the movies. Most of the strippers I've come into contact are drop dead gorgeous young women who are just trying to make a living....like these...

They remind me of the secretaries and school teaches in Amsterdam who prostitute themselves on weekends to supplement their income...

And I don't care how you feel about that, but if a man...any man...could sell his dick for a few hundred dollars a night, he would...I would...you would.

Oh, look, another woman being exploited by the male chauvinist society…