MONDAY #2255

A FEW NEWSY TIDBITS I WILL ALLOW TO RIDE OUT ON THEIR OWN...

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There are laws that make you vaccinate your dog. Let that sink in a few minutes.

I have never actually met any of these anti-vaccine people. I’m not sure how I would react if I did. I would hope I could stymie my rage long enough to make a few coherent suggestions or observations.

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 That is but one of the hundreds of spoofs.
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And now the good news...

A mom's-eye view of my grandson...

Patrick “Deep Dish” Bertoletti competes in the 23rd annual Wing Bowl at the Wells Fargo Center in Philadelphia, Pennsylvania January 30, 2015.

 “Deep Dish” downed 444 chicken wings in 30 minutes, narrowly edging out his nearest rival and shattering the record of 363 wings set a year earlier.
(NOTE FROM BLOG MANAGEMENT: Deep Dish is the greatest name of all time.)

 Anna Fisher, astronaut, on the cover of Life magazine in 1985. She was the first mother in space.

At what age did you find out that the Black Market was not an actual place?

According to the multiverse theory, there exist an infinite number of parallel universes containing every possibility. Every single possibility. Then surely in one of these universes it has been proven that parallel universes do not exist.

How...extraordinary!

You're thinking sexual applications, aren't you?
Seriously, if this aided in survival if only a little bit, we might all be walking around with this awesome appendage.

I got 99 problems, but foreskin ain’t one of them.

If you know anything whatsoever about woodworking, then you know that this is a real feat...

Wife: You missed Short Person Appreciation Day.

Me: I must have…overlooked it.

I'm steadfast, Ninja Grrrl. Thanks for your support.
But I am highly motivated. First grandsons do that.

Somehow a wall filled with these hard ceramic balls is bulletproof. It stops bullets from penetrating through the wall and even prevents bullets from ricocheting off the wall too. It's basically the best shield against a gun we have.

Speaking of such things...

Secret message found inside WW2 bullet...

 August, 13, 1944. The British 8th Army occupies Florence. The Allies finally break out of Normandy. Meanwhile, somewhere in the south of Tuscany, a soldier writes this encrypted message and hides it inside a bullet. In 2015, someone found it and deciphered it.

 THEY - THROW - GRENADES - WE - PULL - PINS - AND - THROW – BACK

It was concluded that the Germans didn't know how the two pin Italian grenades worked. 

What a wonderful image...

We are but slaves of our own making...

For Sale: Gym Shoes. Only used once when I was kidding myself.

This would have driven me completely insane...

It's a lego wall....get it?

One day soon I am going to do this to my wife. I will keep you informed...

That woman has a great laugh. I hope her now pissed off kid learns from it.
My money says the kid will grow up and do the same thing to her kid. At least I hope so.

My therapist told me I have a Messiah Complex, but I forgave him.

I am having so many problems with long GIFs. This is cute, but in the original the camera swings to the right to show that dog's brother not giving a shit...and that was the charming part...

Remember our discussion about paid leave for parents having a child, well my wife hires a lot of people and her policy is to let the baby join them at the store. They even have an area dedicated to child care. The child is allowed to stay until it becomes mobile.

Jupiter and moons in the glare of moonlight...

Robot breaks the law...

 The Random Darknet Shopper, an automated online shopping bot with a budget of $100 a week in Bitcoin, is programmed to do a very specific task: go to one particular marketplace on the Deep Web and make one random purchase a week with the provided allowance. The purchases have all been compiled for an art show in Zurich, Switzerland titled The Darknet: From Memes to Onionland, which runs through January 11. The concept would be all gravy if not for one thing: the programmers came home one day to find a shipment of 10 ecstasy pills, followed by an apparently very legit falsified Hungarian passport developments which have left some observers of the bots blog a little uneasy.

You can’t wake a person who is pretending to be asleep.

One Of My Very Own...

I think that is one of my best. It covers all my bases, as it were.

The average person has one testicle and one ovary.

Want to guess what these are...

Human heads with shampoo.

Venezuela Expo Tattoo 2015

The first guy to buy pants had to go to the store without pants on.

Please take the time to deal with these numbers...

I always heat things in the microwave for 1:11 or 2:22 because I’m too lazy to move my fingers to the 0 before I hit start.

I learned something today...

 A 15th-century leather "spoon case" — cups were provided by the host, and were shared around the table during dining, although it was the guests’ responsibility to bring their own cutlery.

I applaud all of the artists who attempt to make art out of materials not normally associated with art making...

Is this art? Hell, I don't know, but it surely is a thing of beauty...

And I'm sure the horse thinks it is.

Would someone please help me solve a weakness of mine...

I think the above is a thing of beauty, but I can't get over the possibility that the dramatic color was added after the moment the shutter closed, which spoils it for me. Why is that? I seriously don't know.

Just thinking, if the Germans had won, college would be free.

I would very much like to know the adhesive employed for this...

My bet is that Jeremy is a senior.
Well, fuck you Jeremy. You ought to hang out with the young people I hang out with. The sacrifices they are making for an education would make you proud to be an American.

On the bright side, holistic medicine is slowly killing all the right people.

(Those are not my words, Katie. I read that somewhere.)

By the way, Team USA Men finally won a friendly soccer match after losing five in a row. But our women got their ass kicked by a very, very strong looking French team.

Tarawa Island during WWII...

For you people who have never found yourself on the other side of the globe from your home with hundreds of people trying to kill you, I can tell you the main thing on your mind is sexual intercourse with a woman unless you are French, then whatever.

That's why I find those images...stressful. Just look at the faces of those men. 
I also understand this...

There is no need to ship over tons of lumber to build, say, barracks if you just send over one generator and saw.

My Final Word...

It took me 60 years to realize that “Be there or be square” is because you’re not "a-round".