TUESDAY #2334

One Of My Very Own...

I have a dear friend, the widow of one of my best friends, who gets bent out of shape over the word fuck. Many weeks after writing the OOMVO above, I ran into this...

Sorry, dear, but I find it fucking hilarious.

Try scrollin' ta this...

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Gunmen Killed At Mohammed Cartoon Contest

I wonder why we are surprised by this.
I will have to admit that the $10K spent on security for a two hour event was a stroke of fucking genius. 

We love you Hubble...

All galaxies...

 Made just for me and you.

 Jewish child practices killing arab children...

And there is an Arab child doing the same thing.

I'm guessing earthquake...???

I don't know how to reverse image search. I used to, then Google changed it all around. If somebody does know how, find out what that is for me, please.

A party where everyone is given footwear that makes everyone the same height...

My wife accidentally went grocery shopping on an empty stomach and now she’s the proud owner of aisle 4.

One time at a party I got so wasted I passed out and when I woke up the next day all the dinosaurs were dead. – God

On a more serious note, I've been having several conversations about the K-T boundary where, according to theory, all the dinosaurs died off in a very brief time due to an astroid, or disease or whatever. "What" is not the point. I wonder why that boundary is not filled with many more fossils than the layers below.
Let's suppose that one in a million dead dinosaurs turn into a fossil. So every layer in a particular area has, say, two fossils because two million dinosaurs had died there. Well, if hundreds of millions (all) dinosaurs die in a very short amount of time, one would think there would be a plethora of fossils that the boundary, but there are not.

The person who can smile when things go wrong has thought of someone else to blame it on.

Speaking of famous people

Picasso & Chagall

 My bet is they have been self medicating again...

 Speaking of...My wife asked me if I was smoking some sort of drugs...

The look on her face...

What we need is more cowbell.

How clever...

Airship luxury liner, breaking more laws of physics than an Indian action movie...

Who thought me adulting was a good idea. I can’t adult.

For some reason that last image reminded me of this...

The Lloyds Bank coprolite is a 7 inch fossilized piece of human feces dug up from a Viking archaeological site at Coppergate, York, England. The diet of whoever passed it consisted of meat and bread, and he had a severe case of intestinal worms. The piece contained many eggs of maw-worm and whipworm.

Speaking of parasites...

Man kills zombie mantis to expose a hell of a parasite...

And in case you thought that was an isolated event...guy sprayed a spider, then...

Can a machine be art? These come very close...

 Even if you don't give a shit about motorcycles, take a minute to examine this beauty...

Are you convinced that you are dead? If so, you may suffer from a very rare and deeply bizarre mental illness called Cotard's syndrome.

Human's prime directive...

Biblical Contradictions

 And here's an interactive chart of all of them...just in case you thought the book was infallible. 

http://bibviz.com/

Prior to his resurrection, Christ descended to the underworld -- a paradox most churches prefer not to confront.

 How wonderful...

Yeah, I could live there...

By the way, someone who seemed to know what he was talking about told me that my blog is not very mobile device friendly. Well, there isn't anything I can do about that. It's run by Google so I thought it would be the best.

Come on, ladies, she can do it and with a little effort so can you...

 No excuses now.

 Men with long mustaches will understand this guesture...

“And bringing up the rear…”

Hiding from a gang of sharks out to eat you...

Want to guess what this man is doing?

Making bologna. 

Wosdim...

Many years ago someone thought it would be a good idea if they decorated their bodies and the bodies of their loved ones so that they could easily be distinguished from other, less loved people.

 Some people still go to elaborate measures to advertise their rank or clan.

Mostly these people come from less sophisticated regions where people live in huts with dirt floors and have no electricity.

 This Us and Them adornment probably served them well for a long, long time.

 Some of the practices actually harmed the body and was painful.

 This discomfort in the name of fashion continued until this very day.

But these draconian measures only applied to females.

Men may feel compelled to do some real stupid shit, but it is, in fact, not painful and, of course, causes no lasting deformity of the body.

 That they wear fake buttons on a coat could be grounds for scorn and/or belittlement, it doesn't cost much and it's not uncomfortable.

 Before we continue, I feel we must agree to leave the youth out of this discussion. Young people don't have the reasoning abilities of us adults.

 I am more than familiar with the designs of footwear that sweep the fashion world from time to time, but for men, I think you will agree this happens very seldom.

 I can remember when men bought suits with huge pads in the shoulder. Men bought these because their wives asked them to. The fad soon faded.

 There are some silly, silly rules about men's clothing, but we don't really care. If a man walked into a bar with the bottom button buttoned, nobody would even notice, much less care.

No matter what the magazine suggests.

Men, mostly, have a wardrobe that changes slightly over time and 99% of guys couldn't tell a $3000 suit from a $300 suit. We really just don't give a shit.

But women do care.

Women spend most of their lives caring what others think about the way they look.

And in my opinion, caring way, way too much.

 There are many theories concerning their obsessions.

But just being herself doesn't seem to be one of the options.

 Women spend extraordinary amounts of money on something that they seem to hate and love at the same time.

I think that this is just another way of saying that life is just one big beauty contest.

 And beauty contests not only take most of your time, but tons of cash.

 Fitting in makes some people feel warm and fuzzy.

I was not one of those people.

But there is a difference between not following a trend and screaming Look At Me from the rafters.

 I couldn't find a place for this image, so I will squeeze it in here.

Transforming yourself into the image that magazine advertisers demand requires study.

Fashion magazines are the textbooks of choice and are full of keen advice.

Did you ever notice that no woman is allowed to smell like a woman?

 You've been taught that even your natural smell is offensive.

 And the magazines offer some of the most ridiculous advice...advice that is followed to the letter.

 Is there anything that a woman has not put on her face once a magazine told her to?

No. But faces are not the only thing under attack.

Now imagine a man reading a magazine and then following that magazine's advice.

Laughable, isn't it...unless the advice is a better way to change your oil or putt more accurately.

 One of the things that really bothers me is that the message below is KNOWN to women, yet they keep playing the game.

 They admire the women who have completely mastered every rule of fashion and grooming.

They encourage their children to prepare for a life of self loathing that makes them hate their natural eyes, lips, hair, skin, nails, and smell. 

 Then within a very few years, they too truly believe that life is but one long beauty contest - a beauty contest that requires you to spend buttloads of your money.

 And they don't even have the luxury of mind to know their particular fashion will be around for a month; much less for generations.

There have been many studies done concerning self loathing caused by the constant need to modify your appearance. You might want to do some research.

 Would you be proud, or fearful if your daughter came to you with this attitude?

 Think of what we are doing to half our population.

This is serious, ladies.

I was an art major in college. NONE of us wanted to fit in. FAD was like a four letter word. Fashion was for the middle class girls imitating the rich girls as best they could.

 And it seems to me it's not enough to just look like all the other girls. You have to have labels to show you paid the same as the rich girls. I find that sad.

Plastic surgery is too pathetic to even waste my time on.

What would it take for women to just accept themselves and live happily ever after with the body they were dealt?

I haven't the foggiest.
But the great amount of time and money spent on an impossible quest tells an employer something significant about their employee. Don't you think? Do you think it should matter to a boss that you are so easily swayed by a passing fad? Or willing to waste money on a skin treatment that a moron should identify as bogus? 
The last question: Would you have confidence in a plumber who rang your doorbell, then limped toward the clog wearing high heels?