One Of My Very Own
EMAIL: ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com
ON STUPID
Remember this insanity?
That gave me the idea to do a section on stupidity.
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A guy at the bar was watching a news story and proclaimed, "Well, the bible says that all animals would be provided with food." I asked, "You know what my favorite part of the bible is? The story of Lot and his daughters in that cave. I'm thinking of writing a children's book because most of them never heard of it.
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Wouldn't you want the end of that rope tied to something more substantial than the other guy's hand?
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Actually, that's not very stupid.
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Classic case of not my job.
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Wait for it...
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People are getting creative with their suicide today...
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Stop with the formula being best bullshit. It's just stupid.
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Movies show people kissing in the rain but I want a wife who’ll run out there and get the cushions off the porch chairs when the weather starts kicking up.
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TO BE OR NOT TO BE A DICK
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This asshole gave me the idea for this section. He was recorded harassing a woman who was setting up for an outdoor birthday party because she was wearing a shirt with a Puerto Rican flag on it.
Fun facts about this fuckery:
-The space the woman was in while this was occurring had been legally rented by their group.
-Puerto Rico has been a territory of the United States since 1898.
-People from Puerto Rico are United States Citizens and are issued United States Passports
- Similar to the state flag of Ohio, the Puerto Rican flag is striped red, white, and blue with a large white star, paying homage to their US citizen.
-This didn't come up in the video but I feel like this man is the kind of person who would yell at someone for speaking Spanish in a supermarket but just for flavor - The official languages of Puerto Rico (again, a US Territory) are English and Spanish.
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Scumbag punches waitress then tucks tail when co-worker draws a pistol.
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An endangered Indian wolf has been rescued from certain death after it had gotten its head stuck inside a plastic container.
Saving one dog will not change the world, but surely for that one dog, the world will change forever.
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Wait for it...
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Brit friend: Ugh. Brexit is a disaster. How are things over there?
Me: We"re in a ketchup war with Canada.
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PEOPLE WHO LEAD MORE INTERESTING LIVES THAN ME
Puddles the Clown!
Was this after a performance? Or does he just always walk around like that?
Afterward, he came out and let everyone who wanted a picture get one with him.
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Fucking aggressive mosquitos.
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Woman escapes a mudslide after being dragged along for 3 miles.
The rescuers dare not attempt to walk out to aid her.
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In old houses with narrow stairs that is the only way.
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????
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Asians.
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[Disney Pitch Meeting]
Writer: So kids love puppies.
Exec: Haha true.
Writer: This movie is about skinning alive 101 of them.
Exec: Perfect.
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ARTY THINGS
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Hong Kong
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Does anybody remember that Mel Gibson was in the movie Gallipoli?
It had this line: "Those of you who are contemplating some horizontal refreshments..."
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The Skin of the Wolf about 20 lines of dialogue in the whole movie. Highly recommended.
The star looked a little like Leo Dicaprio. From the front and the side.
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Behold DNA polymerase, the enzyme responsible for copying DNA in every cell of all organisms on Earth. Thank you, magnificent bastards.
Think about how much easier that is to teach with that illustration.
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"I'm single by choice" she whispered to the pizza delivery guy as he handed her the change.
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FUN WITH LANGUAGE
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"How now brown cow" was an old saying to aid in learning elocution. You are supposed to pronounce each word perfectly.
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*MNBT
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(Hahahabananahaha!)
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Wife: But won't we get bored of eternal life?
Me: Don't worry, we'll have each other.
*we swallow the pills*
Me: I can still see it in your hand.
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[ TIKI BARBER ]
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