MONDAY #3592

One Of My Very Own

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EMAIL: ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com

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HALLOWEEN

Picasso

????

Damnit, Janet.

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And my favorite...

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Friendly Fire
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339

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EXPECT THE UNEXPECTED

There was a scene in The Truman Show where the fake lighting flashes on the fake moon.

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Dying is easy. Living is what's hard.

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"Don't forget to let go, Luke."

Damn.

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And he doesn't even ask the customer in the way to move.

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Can't say I liked disco, but I have dance a million miles to it.

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College: You're a very bright kid and we'd like to offer you a scholarship.

Applicant: I'd prefer a scholarcar.

College: We'd like to withdraw our offer.

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(RH: Hahahahahahahaha!)

SCIENCE

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Can you imagine living near that?

The first thing I would do is spray paint my name in real fancy yet unreadable letters.

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I will never tire of this.

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I would shite myself.

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Schrödinger: *Kneels down in front of a box* Hey buddy, so… I have some news about your cat.

Son: Is it good news or bad news?

Schrödinger: Yes.

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LANGUAGE TO PONDER

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I was satisfied to think I was too normal to die young. True.

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Well, I've stated often - if I could take a pill and not have to ever eat again, I would.

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At what point do they stop replacing the wobbly wheels and just send the shopping cart off to live on a farm someplace?

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PET PEEVES

This is the way your feet are supposed to look.

They were never meant to be squeezed into these.

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It seems to me that for women the worse thing to be is unique.

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Feminist Manifesto

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I'm interested to know if there are kings and queens who have not inherited their position from god. Do people just like a ridiculous figurehead that has long outlived their usefulness?

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I'm going to keep repeating this until I get a thoughtful comment.

I used to get livid about the NSA listening to everything we say, but now nobody cares.

Is that a result of our perceived powerlessness?

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I may be the last man on the planet who gets pissed off over this.

You sit next to me and stay on your phone and I'm going to ask you if I'm boring you.

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I think I'm most disappointed in people who don't ask the most fundamental questions of the illogic of much of the bible.

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Ennui is a great crossword puzzle word and the first time I had to speak it in conversation I pronounced it IN-U-I.

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My kid microwaved a fork. My dog barked at an Amazon Prime box for 4 hours. Just waiting for the third verse of my country song.

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AN ATTEMPT AT HUMOR

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"My god - do you suppose it can read?"

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Harry? You?

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Is that, in fact, a fact?

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In hell, it's always the last minute of a staff meeting and someone raises his hand for "one more quick question."

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IMAGES YOU DON'T SEE EVERY DAY

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"Nice purse, Duke."

I'm not sure I've seen a camel toe on a guy before.

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This was about as old as Jay Leno was when he partied on my deck until dawn. True.

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"Yeah, I know he's not much to look at, but somebody has to take out the garbage," she said.

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When in Naples (from left to right: money, past times, affirmation, stupid, good, wait a moment, to walk backward, to steal, horns, to ask for.)

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Oh, my.

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Remember this?

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