TUESDAY #3565

One Of My Very Own

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EMAIL: ralph.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com

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PEOPLE HAVING ONE OF THOSE DAYS

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Kool-Aid needs a bit more sugar.

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"Hello, State Farm...?"

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Years ago there was a fad in New York City of making pets of Vietnamese miniature potbellied pigs. So the story goes that a good ole redneck boy filled his truck with piglets and drove to NYC where he sold them for a hefty profit.

The problem was that they were not the lilliputian pot bellies, but plain ole commercial hogs that would not only get very large but would eat you out of house and home while doing it.

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We've all had that look from time to time.

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Remember when we thought that was a joke?

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Show some mercy.

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Australia is currently undergoing a strawberry crisis after sewing needles have been found inside the fruit. Massive recalls have occurred with farmers having to dump tons of stock. A $100,000 reward is being offered to catch the culprit/s and copycats are being warned they face 10 years jail if caught.

Copycats? "Putting needles in fruit...that's something I could be good at!"

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"You in the wrong neighborhood now homie."

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Every wonder how they test motorcycle racing jackets?

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OUCH! That's gonna leave a scar.

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A woman pours iced coffee all over a 7-Eleven checkout counter and two shocked employees after the penny-pinching customer became furious about the price.

The guy was right on the verge of returning the favor.

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Wife's outta her goddamn mind if she thinks I won't purposely fall off this ladder to prove we should've hired someone to wash the windows.

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SMILE WORTHIES

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Science, by god.

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The most terrifying part of swimming in the ocean isn't the sharks, it's leaving your phone on the beach.

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THINGS YOU MAY FIND INTERESTING

What kind of wizardry is that? Seriously, what is that? Some kind of a color sensitive polarization?

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Yeah, put that on your fucking resume.

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Today's Ask the Internet question is: If you scaled that up 100 times, then placed a turbine in the stream of falling liquid, could we have free electricity forever?

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At least he is wearing a hard hat.

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This took me much longer than it should have...

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Yeah, like I would buy the model without the motor.

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Guess what this is.

A vintage eggshell cutter for serving soft-boiled eggs.

I would have bet money it had something to do with a dick.

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A tank made with images of tank crews.

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During WWI Germany sent squadrons of these over London at night to bomb the city.

Took an hour for British fighter planes to climb to the 10,000 feet cruising altitude of the Zeppelins.

This tactic forced Britain to divert war resources to homeland defense.

This is Germany's greatest Zeppelin commander.

Then Britain developed incendiary bullets to set his blimp afire. This is where Ernst's body embedded itself in the Earth after he jumped out of his Zeppelin from 10,000 feet.

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Penguin: So I’m a bird, but I can’t fly.

God: Ok yes, but you also get to have the same mate for your entire life!

Penguin: 

God:

Penguin: Did I do something wrong?

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WHAT THE FUCK IS WRONG WITH AMERICA

During WWII the Allies bombed the shit out of Germany. I totally understand railyards, factories and any and all military facilities.

But we didn't stop there. We bombed the shit out of apartments, schools, and hospitals.

Even after years of intensive bombing, the war production of Germany INCREASED.

It started in WWI when the German Zeppelins bombed civilians in order to break their will to continue waging war. That failed miserably. But they tried to do the same thing in WWII. Then the Allies turned around and did the exact same thing. Of course, when you bomb people you don't break their will to fight, you enrage them, making them a much more fierce enemy. 

Think about the World Trade Center on 9/11.

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PROBLEM-SOLVING IN AMERICA

If you have a problem with your car, then you see how other people fixed that same problem and do the same. You have been solving problems like this all of your life. It is only logical. Until a bunch of people decide to join together in a country, then that problem-solving logic doesn't apply anymore.

Take education:

Our educational system sucks. You know it and I know it. But Americans refuse to look at successful systems in other countries to use as examples of improvements that actually work.
Same with health care; super easy weights and measure (metric system); public transportation; and, of course, the penal system and drug prohibition.
I just don't get it.

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I know that's over-simplified, but Americans hate to take personal responsibility for anything.

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And these are the Afghanistan people who find our folly hilarious.

I will repeat, if there wasn't tons of money to be made off war, then there would be no war.
After Vietnam, I thought we would never repeat the exact same mistake.
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It used to be said that Americans had big hearts...

Now it is said we have big hearts, arms, necks, backs, etc. 

I wouldn't care except for the vast sums of other people's money it takes to keep these huge people alive. How about we come up with a weight...300, 400, I don't care, but then take punitive measures for each pound over that number. 

We took punitive measures to curtail smoking. Smokers protested, but most of us accept our new lot in life and dealt with it. Is obesity any less an evil?
And illness is not the only risk.

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Just too easy, but I don't make them up, folks, I just steal them...or as I like to say I "preserve an artifact."
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SAVED BY THE BELL