About Me

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I'm an artist, educator, militant anti-theist , and I write. I gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog contains observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Monday, April 26, 2021

MONDAY #4506

 One Of My Very Own

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EMAIL: 

ralh.henry.at.folio.olio@gmail.com

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India: Currently 1 covid death every 4 minutes.

India’s crematoriums and burial grounds are being overwhelmed by the devastating new surge of Covid-19 infections tearing through the populous country with terrifying speed, depleting the supply of life-saving oxygen to critical levels and leaving patients to die while waiting in line to see doctors.

*Did they put Donald Trump in charge?

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Am I the only one who wonders how they get the cars inside the mall?


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Did you notice the movie on the TV?

But that's not a missile it's a bomb.

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LET'S TALK 

ABOUT ME, SHALL WE


Anybody who makes art out of cash really appreciates absurdity.

But look at the rock wall. It was pieced together just like this floor only with heavier pieces.

The trick is to have a plethora of pieces to choose from.

^^A1^^

Folio Olio in a nutshell.

^^A18^^

I talk a lot about risk assessment. These people are awful at it.

How did they live as long as they did?

But her stoic reaction and his...

Reminds me of myself. I usually sit and wonder how I could have been so stupid.

^^A2^^


I am the only one I've found to have noticed one of the guys in The Ten Commandments who were pouring the gold burn the shit out of his leg. I tried to photograph it off the TV screen but to no avail.

^^A3^^

We've all experienced this level of frustration.

I was once reinstalling the oak quarter round on the baseboard and did not know I was supposed to drill a pilot hole for the nails. 

After I bent dozens of nails I flung the hammer across the room.

From behind me, I heard my then-wife say, "My, what a mature thing to do."

^^A4^^

My wife cooked me pork chops and mushrooms in a heavy cream sauce last night.

But as has happened many times during our staythefuckathome, it was just too much work to duplicate.

^^A5^^

I am a husband.

It's what I was meant to be. I can't imagine living alone. In my opinion, sharing life is what life is all about.

^^A6^^

As mentioned before, my wife and I gamble on Erin Burnett on CNN every weekday evening.

We take turns guessing whether she will have cleavage, whether the part in her hair will be crooked or straight, and what color she will wear.

The red circle around a whole line indicates a trifecta - someone picked all three components correctly. As you can see, we've gotten pretty good at it.


To bet on NASCAR we pick odd or even at random.

Our winnings are registered by the number of discs we have. We both start with ten and whenever someone wins all of the opponent's discs it cost them $5.

^^A7^^

My house is full of beautiful items like this. I even changed out all my cheap hollow core doors with very old doors from a salvage company. 

All my screen door handles are solid brass artifacts I preserved from an old school built in the 1920s.

I think your environment says a lot about who you are.

^^A8^^

I have begun working on my grandson's toy box that will look like a bookshelf.

The books represented will be the books I expect him to read before he graduates from high school.

The books vary in thickness and depth.

^^A9^^

I had to buy a small table for the toy box. 

I also upgraded my safety gear.

^^A10^^

Well, I am not in my prime. I have to pace my efforts in my studio. My back is my biggest problem so I do most of my work sitting on my ass.

^^A18^^

The idea for my next toy box comes from Louise Nevelson's assemblages.


Entertaining the eye is my aim. I will keep you informed.

^^A11^^

A friend once described me as "Always thinking".

But some of the things I think about really don't matter. Like the crop duster guy in Independence Day being ridiculed for saying he was abducted by aliens even AFTER the aliens had arrived.


I also have a very fine-tuned crap detector.

Every car insurance company says that they can save you hundreds of dollars if you switch to their company. This is simply impossible.

^^A12^^

As a muralist with hundreds of murals all over the country, it surprises people when I tell them I'm afraid of heights.

I used to tell my new crew members, "If you fall off the ladder you're fired before you hit the ground."

^^A13^^

I was not only good at painting murals, but I was also good at selling murals. I learned to charge $500 to visit the site and evaluate the wall, roof, etc, with the promise that if I was hired the $500 would be deducted from the cost of the mural. With that procedure in place, I never lost a commission.

When asked for the price I would say something like, "$5600" and if they didn't blink I would add, "Plus paint and other supplies." And if they still didn't blink I would add, "And expenses for me and my crew."

^^A14^^

I bought a basset from a dear friend. It was the only non-mutt dog I ever owned.

^^A15^^

I am not a cat person.

If a cat ever did that to one of my children it wouldn't wake up for a week. And when he did wake up he would be in a cage at the pound.

But I would do the same to a dog who growled at one of my children.

^^A16^^

I remember when car radios had these marks.

They were always at 640 and 1240 which were the Conelrad channels. These channels would tell us how best to survive incoming Soviet nukes. Yeah, go figure.

^^A17^^

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You know what would suck? If you died and found out that there were ghost jobs...like you had to work at the ghost post office or some such shit.


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WOULD YOU LOOK AT THAT


Building teamwork? Seriously.

^^B1^^

Do you think the blade has teeth?

^^B3^^

Speaking of horses...

There's a 'carry your wife across the threshold' joke in there somewhere.

^^B4^^

It kind of looks like the camera is zooming out, doesn't it?

^^B5^^

Nice idea. You could also do it with dye on a light-colored shirt.

^^B6^^

^^B2^^

^^B7^^

The concern on his face.

^^B8^^

Hormoz Island, Iran

^^B9^^

Which plague was that?

^^B10^^

144-year-old wisteria in Japan.

^^B11^^

Making round wooden things...

^^B12^^

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I find it very strange that we have never seen a Girl Scout eat a Girl Scout cookie.


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MODERN TIMES


^^C1^^



^^C2^^

America is the only country where statues and place names of a failed rebellion litter the landscape.

^^C3^^

Never ever flush wet wipes!

I think the mop heads they are talking about are the modern disposable kind.

^^C4^^

Conspiracy theories are a security blanket for people who don't like thinking.

^^C5^^

And that's why our prisons are stuffed with citizens.

^^C6^^

^^C7^^

After lockdown

^^C8^^

You really need to read this.

^^C9^^

That one of the saddest things I've ever seen.

^^C10^^

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And we don't even know his name.

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*Think spousal abuse

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*I made that up myself.

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The lady with the pan.

Yeah, that oughta work.

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2 comments:

David said...

B2 - Why's it gotta be a HAT? What's wrong with having a falcon sex TABLE?

Land of hunger said...

I'm fucked in the head and I kinda like it.

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