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FUN WITH LANGUAGE
I wonder if I understand that.
CO-WORKER 1: Ralph, your mute is on.
CO-WORKER 2: Ralph? Can you hear me? Your Zoom’s muted.
CO-WORKER 1: Ralph, you have to turn off your mute.
CO-WORKER 3: I don’t think Ralph realizes he’s on mute.
Dogs are man’s best friend because a dog would never blindside you with an eleven-person group text.
PEOPLE
I taught twins who were totally different. The mother said that one of them knew no fear and the other one would have crawled back into the womb if he could. Then one day when they were 7 years old they switched personalities. Come to find out that is relatively common.
Whatever he's being paid it's not enough.
That is the point in the game when you run out of curse words and have to start making up new ones.
Don't ever forget - the woman on the right once looked like the woman on the left. And to prove my point I offer Shelley Winters:
First in Posiden Adventure...
The Hanzo Cleaver
I'm assuming the removed part is edible.
Holy Mother of God
The Peach Cobbler Incident
Edibles Aftermath
Sometimes I procrastinate on many things at once. It's like multi-tasking but I call it multi-crastination and it is exhausting.
They should invent a navigation app that shuts the fuck up when you're within sight of your house.
PLACES
Some of them scrap much better than others.
In my city, a homeowner can be fined $10K for doing that. All you have to do is call them and they will mark where every utility is buried.
Is that a hippo?
Hippos like nothing better than killing humans. Why would anyone film children in such a situation?
Speaking of...
That millions of people live near such a threat astonishes me.
I have listened to so many books on CD that I can no longer select from the convenient shelves. I now have to stoop to the bottom selves.
A waterfall that creates perfect spheres of ice.
*Sorry for the poor quality.
Remember this?
I'm thinking it wouldn't necessarily crash to the bottom of the shaft. It is rather light and flat it might just flutter down like a leaf on a lawn.
Mount Nemrut Turkey
It’s actually a little puzzling that the Centaurs for Disease Control didn’t approve horse dewormer.
Fill in the blank song lyric “You are always on my __________”
( Wrong answers only! )
THINGS
That is a view of Earth with the Pacific Ocean as the center point.
"If you scaled the Solar System to the size of a 10p piece, the Milky Way would be roughly the size of the United States."
*OSIT
Mine says something similar...
The three XXXs on a jug of whiskey indicate how many times it was run through the still.
Ant Bar
Boeing 777 Just Showing Off
Righting a Truck
Most Unusual Tattoos
That's unbelievable.
Me trying to match all my Tupperware with the correct lids is how I imagine it was for the prince trying to find Cinderella by making every woman in the land try on a shoe. But with a hell of a lot more swearing.
JOSEPH: Oh, thank god you’re here.
MARY: Did you bring the diapers, blankets, and formula?
WISE MAN: No, but I brought myrrh.
MOCKING MAGA CULTISTS
ONE MEME AT A TIME
NOTE: I'm sent a plethora of hilarious items in my email and I appreciate every single one of them. Here are a few I received in the last few months.
PS: I asked many times for conservatives to send me funny stuff but so far no takers. Maybe this will spur them into helping me instead of just whining.
Please let this be a moment of clarity for you. Fox News not only lied to you about the election being stolen but they also lied about masks and vaccines.
Not all Republicans are Nazis but all Nazis are Republican.
*OSIT
Earth On Fire
A Man With A Point To Make
NOTE:
If you believe that the political humor from an old man's blog must be 100% valid then you might want to reevaluate your information acquisition tactics. I do not have all the right answers...but neither do you.
Thank you for your understanding.
That's hardly devastating enough to qualify for this section. Let's try that again.
I favor the lithe.
When you see it.
3 comments:
https://edition.cnn.com/2023/03/15/asia/missing-lost-radioactive-cylinder-thailand-search-intl-hnk/index.html
"The cylinder, measuring 30 centimeters (4 inches) long and 13 centimeters (5 inches) wide"
Y'all will never figure this metric thing out. How the fsck can you not see 30 is bigger than 13 thus it's impossible for it to be 4 inches... Just that should tell you your conversion is wrong even if you know fsckall about metric.
A Carl Sagan quote comes to mind :D
^^A3^^ Obviously a comment by someone in their 70s. Does that help?
^^A4^^ This one I don't get.
Whoever is hosting the zoom session (or whatever it is) can unmute Ralph if they really want to hear what he has to say, which may be the actual joke here.
^^B3^^ That's one crappy looking golf course.
^^C2^^ A contractor working for the city did that outside my house once about 10 years ago. Took the phone company about 8 hours to reconnect everything. About as many wires as in this picture. Color-coding is remarkable.
puzzle I assume you mean the man standing there with the wonderful paint job?
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