My bartender told me that there was a bum standing in front of Starbucks selling vitamin D. I laughed out loud. Nevermind that he probably got the pills out of the dumpster behind the drugstore, VITAMIN D IS FUCKING SUNSHINE. Couldn't his customers, WHO WERE STANDING OUTSIDE at the time of purchase, just roll up their sleeves or something?

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When I was growing up we used to practice diving under our desks in case of a nuclear attack. Yeah, that ought to do it.

But now the world is actually contemplating Iran having a bomb big enough to wipe out a whole city. That, gentle readers, is terrifying.

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FOUL!!!! FOUL!!!!!!!! _____________________________________________

Jeeeeeeeeeez.... _____________________________________________

We have all needed one of these, haven't we? ______________________________________________

The next two guys have way too much time on their hands... ______________________________________________

This is a wonderful example of my mantra, which is: IF IT CAN BE MADE FUNNY, THEN MAKE IT FUNNY... ______________________________________________

These guys would have been stuffed in a locker 30 seconds after stepping foot in my high school... _____________________________________________

They have discovered another planet... _____________________________________________

Read carefully... _____________________________________________

If you are one of the seven people on the planet who does not know what happens when you put Mentos in Diet Coke, I offer this tutorial... ______________________________________________ One of my very own...

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