This, gentle readers, is my favorite food in the whole world.

These people call it "Egg in the Basket", which is just stupid. Most people in the South call it "Egg in a Bird Nest", which is just fucking boring, but my family call it "Bird in the Nest Egg", and I have no idea why, but it is sublimely poetic.

It is the best hangover food EVER!

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!!!!!!!

(The Waldrop's family reunion must have been held at a nude beach)

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How many mimes have died because nobody believed they were choking?

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...Yeah, we know....Your neighbor, who still lives with his mother, told us you squealed like one during the whole, for you, unpleasant ordeal.

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

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A: "So you have sworn off any more "that's what she said" jokes?"

B: "I have."

A: "Wow, that's hard."

B: .............

A: "You really think you can go all day long?"

B: .............

A: "Well, you are so good at it..."

B: .............

A: "Okay, okay, I give up."

B: ......................................................."THAT'S WHAT SHE SAID!!!!!!!!"

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I couldn't read the date, but this illustrates the problem of statistics. This forecast probably made logical sense when looking at the data at the time.

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There's a lingerie football training camp? Yesssss, pleeeeease.

This shit has GOT TO BE PUT ON TV!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

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A Frenchman walks into a library and asks for a book on war.

The librarian replies, "Fuck off, you'll lose it."

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My GPS says "Estimated Arrival Time", but all I hear is "Time to Beat".

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I think this is an amazing work of art. I like it very, very much.

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BEWARE: For a young woman, the world is full of optional doors. Think about it carefully before rushing into door #1, or you'll miss out on the new car every year and a vacation house on the beach, and end up with just a big ass and a lifetime supply of Drunk-A-Roni.

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TRUE: The band, Kings of Leon, had to stop a performance at the Verizon Wireless Amphitheater in St. Louis because of a deluge of pigeon droppings.

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When taxidermists go bad... __________________________________________________

Abby, my favorite bartender, told me that a young man asked her if he could get some cash from his credit card. She said she could give him $20 and then the young man handed her a piece of paper with a credit card number written on it. She laughed out loud at his gall.

___________________________________________________ People never cease to amaze me...Horoscopes, Alien Abduction, Ghosts, Crop Circles, Big Foot, Prayer...DAMN, YA'LL!

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My friend, Billy is very fast. He's kind of like Forest Gump only not as stupid.

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Passwords are like underwear...

-You shouldn't leave them out where people can see them

-You should change them regularly

-You shouldn't loan them out to strangers

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If you don't know who Banksy is, it's okay...it really is...

(but you could go to Google images if you weren't such a lazy bastard)

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Bloggo's lawyer had a unique argument concerning his client's corruption trial. He said that Bloggo was just too stupid to be corrupt.

OUCH!

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My friend sent this to me from a museum out west. No, all art is NOT created equal.

The label reads: 3x3 large framed Indian Head - made of old coins - mostly pennies.

(and when you think about it just right, that's probably what it's worth)

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How important does a person have to be before they are assassinated instead of just murdered?

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Only in America, my friends... __________________________________________________

I KNEW IT!! I JUST KNEW IT!!!!! __________________________________________________

This was supposed to be North Korea's crowning achievement. This hotel dominates the skyline, but.... In 1992 construction just stopped. No explanation was given, and now it just sits there. __________________________________________________

Speaking of buildings...while waiting to get permission for a mural from the Architectural Review Board in Beaufort, SC, I watched an architect show designs for his proposed building. The building (nothing special) had the ugliest railing on the balconies that I had ever seen. The review board noticed them also and demanded that they be redesigned and he agreed to do so. After the meeting I met up with him outside and asked if he had thrown the board a bone. At first he didn't understand, then he smiled and nodded.

"Throwing a bone" is the practice of purposely giving someone a minor fault for them to chew on, thus allowing the major part of the project to escape unmolested. And, of course, it almost always works.

I suggest that all you husbands do the same. Always do little things that your wife can harp on, then take your time correcting that insignificant behavior. With something to chew on she will leave your major flaws alone and you will be much happier.

For instance, try dropping food on the floor during meals, then ignoring it. This will drive her up the fucking wall. Then when she screams and shit, do a half ass job of cleaning it up. While this is going on she will completely ignore the fact that she does the shopping, she puts the groceries away, she cooks the meal, and she does the dishes, while you sit on your fat ass watching women's beach volleyball on the TV.

And then there's sex. You can get away with any damn thing you want if you will just let a little spittle slowly dribble down from your mouth directly in her open eye from time to time. Then you can ask to do that most disgusting, debasing, humiliating skullduggery that you saw in that movie you keep in the top of your closet - and if you just add "I promise not to dribble spittle in your eye", she will happily acquiesce.

See?

Your welcome.

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One of my very own... __________________________________________________