The speed of light is now the new "hip" god. And I think it's just as bullshit as all the other gods mankind has fabricated to explain where he has found himself (herself).

We know no "laws" of the universe...only our interpretation of the limited data that we can collect with our pathetically primitive tools. In the cosmic sense we have collected relatively nothing. We (humanity) remind me of the inhabitants of the interior of New Zealand. Their whole civilization never knew that there was an ocean just over a couple of mountain ranges ( well, not until the white man showed up). I predict that the notion that there is just one universe will one day be considered just as quaint. This should not in any way suggest that I think inquiry or exploration is futile...I'm just saying that our minds are so narrow and the universe(s) so extraordinarily vast that it would be like analyzing a 747 by merely touching one of its lug nuts with the tip of one finger...not even the best finger.

And we have only crude stabs in the dark as to what time is...and that's a whole fucking dimension. Time is like the new fallen angel...the evil one that kills us all and we don't really know why.

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This is fucking awesome. I want one in my home!!!

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I recently quit my job at the helium gas factory...I won't be spoken to in that tone of voice.

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!!

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I've failed math more times than I can count.

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This is a beautiful image and gesture.

You go girls! There is no such thing as bad love...unless of course it's your love of my TV and it leads to a break-in.

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Know what happened 160 years ago back in 1850?

California became a state.

The people had no electricity. The state had no money. Almost everyone spoke Spanish. There were gunfights in the streets.

So basically, nothing has changed except the women had real tits and the men didn’t hold hands.

(HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!)

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Whoever said that laughter is the best medicine has never had a blowjob.

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I went to the sperm bank to make some extra money. When I was walking out the receptionist said, "Come again", so I did.

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This is how I DON'T want to die...DAMN!......but he obviously had a nice dental plan...

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A friend of mine adopted a black kid and named him Google. I mean, it makes sense - he is going to get searched constantly anyway.

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HAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!! Those zany papist.

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A friendly German, a brave Frenchmen, a slim American, and a unique Chinaman walk into a bar and a Jew says, "Drinks are on me."

( you either laugh at this joke or you get a look of bewilderment. My friend Jack said it best when he said, "The joke that never was."

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I saw a very funny video...but not funny enough to share with ya'll...and it took about thirty minutes for it to go mega-viral. Here is exactly what this guy said on the news about a man who broke into his sister's bedroom at night.

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My uncle is a hypnotherapist...who has never touched me inappropriately.

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I used to be a mime. It's only now I can talk about it.

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Busticate is a word and means just what it sounds like.

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Don't fry bacon naked.

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These people!?! Has she no idea what anarchy would do to that freedom that she now flaunts? That bitch would be chained to a mattress in a basement and rented out to anyone with fresh water. I feel so sorry for these people.

One of my very own...

Check this out...

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