MOSTLY SERIOUS STUFF I THINK ABOUT SOMETIMES

I once had a man tell me that the Marines never taught him to hurt anyone....but they had taught him 50 ways to kill them. Many of our husbands, nephews and uncles will return to civilian life with one basic skill and that is multiple ways to kill people. They will need our help, whatever that takes. Do something...donate money, give them a job, whatever...but do something.

(a 12 gauge shotgun, 000 buckshot. is my weapon of choice, by the way)

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A good friend of mine spent time in Iraq and another friend, Rupert, and I got some empty bottles like the ones above, filled them with Scotch, heat shrunk the sealing sleeve over the top, attached a professional hot sauce label, then packed them up with the same labels glued to the outside....very professional looking.
Then after a while he let us know that he needed some more and it was decided to send it to a friend of his.  When the package got to his base in Iraq a bottle had broken and, due to the smell, the post office called the ADO (Alcohol Disposal Officer) of the day. And as luck would have it, my friend was the ADO that day.

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"Yeah, guys, what did you do today for your country today?"

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There are a whole bunch of Mexican non-citizens serving in the US military. These men and women should be granted citizenship automatically upon honorable discharge.

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SO WHAT EXACTLY DID THE CHILEAN MINERS MISS?

- A witch has come out and attacked masturbation. Despite living in the least populous state in America, she is currently the nation's most well known politician.
- A family in Alabama survived a scare when a rapist attacked a young woman in her bedroom at night. It goes without saying that people all over the world thought this was the funniest thing they had ever seen. (see picture above)
- An anti-Muslim pastor actually had no Koran.
- Speaking of Muslims, they (American Muslims) decided to build a rec-center in an old Burlington Coat Factory and sent millions of normally rational Yanks into a tither.

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 I lay America's obesity problem squarely at the feet of Madison Avenue. We Americans will buy anything that has an adequate advertising budget. ...and the shit we put in our bodies....insanity.

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I find it interesting that on one hand women want to be taken more seriously and yet they seem to do everything in their power to make sex objects of themselves.  Confusing that.

(but don't her teeth look natural...and her hair...and her eyes....and her nose...)

 Ms. Applegate has an interesting story. She found out that she had the gene that made her more likely to get breast cancer. Several women in her family had already contracted the disease, (contracted?) so she voluntarily had a preventive double mastectomy. Pity that.

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 From letters written by and conversations with soldiers who served with Adolf Hitler in WWI it is evident that he was gay....not that I have any problem with that.

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 Columbus has been bashed around of late. I would just like to remind the critics that the land Columbus claimed had already changed hands many times and the title was purchased with the blood of the previous inhabitants. But being the last scoundrel doesn't make you less of a scoundrel. But now days I don't see any of those indigenous people from around the world voluntarily reverting back to poking a rodent with a stick for breakfast. Thank you very much. Plus we introduced them to Jesus, who, had he been around, could have provided them with all the fish and chips they could consume in one sitting. And wine. I mean damn! I'm cool with that part.

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 And there are some folks who still hold the same view of Marijuana. I'm not a pro-drug nut, I'm a pro-rationality nut. "The menace of the living dead" indeed.

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Speaking of living dead....

 Mother Teresa did in fact comfort dying men, women and children in India. However, many of the illnesses that they had could have been cured if the Catholic Church had just bothered to pony up the money to send them down the street to the hospital. They did not. Her primary concern was the conversion of the Indians to Christianity. Noble? Saint worthy? I think not and it drives me nuts the praise she gets. (thanks A)

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Speaking of driving.....several weeks ago I posted a factual article about the worst drivers in America and it just happened to be my home town of Columbia, South Carolina. After exhaustive research I have ascertained the culprit. The University of South Carolina (the real USC) has a kick-ass Master of Business Administration degree program. I don't know why. Anyway, Asians are flocking to Columbia to learn the American business model....again I don't know why what with our track record.
So these people have their own housing complex which is right across the street from the American Legion that I visit every day at 4pm sharp...I don't know why either of those facts exist...the complex's location or my punctuality.  So I have to drive passed (past?) these Asians' cars everyday and I know for a fact that not one of them have either side mirror (they have either been completely knocked from the vehicle or they hang by the wires) and most have AT LEAST one bumper hanging to the ground.  Problem solved.

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 "Ya, think?!?!"

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 I have some friends who think that all our problems can be solved if government would just get out of the way of free enterprise.  Good luck with that.  We have seen what free enterprise is capable of.
("Well, somebody had to make the rent payment on the tenement that we also owned.")

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The key phrase is "...edge of the known universe." I would have said, "To the limits of our instruments to measure this universe."

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 Silicon lip implants.  She sees sexy....I see scary.

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What's brown and sticky?

A stick.

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 Is there anything these fuckers won't protest?
"DOWN WITH CALL WAITING!!!"
"EXTERMINATE CEREAL EATERS!!!"
"BEHEAD PEOPLE NAMED BOB!"
"DEATH TO CRAYON USERS!"

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 I find this next observation.....puzzling...

Let's assume that each dot on the line above is one of the tens of thousands of religions ever invented by mankind. Some sprung up, then died out when the culture died out. Then the Muslims pick their dot on the line (red arrow). They, of course, truly believe that all religions before that dot are false as are every dot after. How rational is that? This is not like picking a sports team to root for; people die over this shit.
Now further suppose that I move the red arrow to any dot on the line. Every adherent felt the exact same infallibility bullshit. Without even a math degree that tells you that 99.99 percent of the people who have ever lived are or were delusional.  Are you one of them?

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But people, it seems, will believe in just about any fucking old thing...check this out...

I particularly like the idea that if prayer actually worked, then it would be used instead of or at the least in concert with, modern medical care. Interestingly, studies were conducted that found that when a patient was prayed for by people in another room....absolutely nothing happened. However, if the people prayed for the patient in the same room, then he showed improvement. Placebo effect pure and simple.
(I wonder how many amputees were in the study....seriously. "Let's pray for little Robbie's lost arm and ask our god to restore it." Yeah, you see my point.)

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Life expectancy in the west is only about 936 months.  Looks kind of weird when you see it presented this way.

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If you work in a cubicle...well, you work in a fucking cupicle, what can I say to make it any worse? But I will try.  To me the image above is one of the most dehumanizing things I know. Also they are not much protection when Larry from accounting finally snaps and brings in his AK-47 to "vent" his frustrations.

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A friend told me that my computer's dictionary would not find the word EXPLOITABLE, which I found odd. So I tried it and sure enough it's not there. What's up with that?

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Why did I include that image, you ask? Because I like polka-dot dresses worn by women who spank other women and leave little red finger marks on their buttocks...that's why..

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One of my very own...(and I really, really like this one)

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