About Me

My photo
I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Tuesday, January 25, 2011

INTIMACY: A TUTORIAL

Intimacy means entirely different things to men and women.

One of the funniest things I ever heard was a young soon-to-be-groom telling me that soon he could have sex anytime he wanted it.
Men actually fantasize about such things...a lot.

The best advice I have ever been given was that you need to start making love to your women in the morning, then with luck she will let you actually use your dick that night.

Fortunately, there is an alternative. I sent my wife to Wife Training School.

It costs me $50,000, and all she learned that she loved her "Special Little Friends" more than she loves me.

Of course, now that I have discovered internet port.....

*****
SCIENCE STUFF

As a segue between sex and science, I give you AIDS.
I am not a dispassionate person, but this is a totally preventable malady...kind of like heroine overdose.
Listen up, people....STOP STICKING YOUR DICK IN STRANGERS' BUTTS!


These next two are extreme magnifications of common objects. The answer can be found by highlighting between the brackets.
 [ velcro ]

 [ salt and pepper ]

I found several things humorous about this image. First, you stop a HUGE icebreaker, climb down a ladder, just to photograph a penguin. But just like the penguin, all the people look just alike.

SPEAKING OF ANIMALS

Monkey being cute...

Monkey being un-cute...

People behaving sanely in front of a bull...

Person behaving insanely in front of a bull... 
 (Shouldn't the cape go between you and the bull?!?)

Human doing something cool in the ocean...

Humans doing something uncool in the ocean...

Cute elephant...

Uncute elephant...

None of these are the ugliest dog in England...

This is the ugliest dog in England...

This is worth the read...
 (Orphans preferred...HAHAHAHAHAH!!!)

*****
CARTOONS OF THE DAY




One of my very own...
 ("It's free, you know".)

WOMEN WHO LOOK LIKE SLUTS,
BUT PROBABLY AREN'T...
( This lady is all over the internet...I can't image why )
____________________________________________________________

No comments:

Random Post

Random Posts Widget

Blog Archive