About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Thursday, February 3, 2011


I want this to be my studio....

If the Egyptian government wants people to stay home and do nothing, why don't they just turn the internet back on?

And on a very serious note:

From Al Jazeera: 33 year old woman on front line, watching people die around her was asked why she didn't flee and she said, "I have never known freedom. I've read about it in books, and I want my children to live free for the first time."

Know who these two people are?
Hermoine and Ron
TRUE: It has been proven that cursing aloud helps people tolerate pain.

Why is creationism still being taught in public high schools?

A new survey reveals that only 62% of all biology teachers favor science over religion.


Speaking of gambling...
These are some of the weird bets you can make on the Super Bowl (TRUE)

1. How long will Christina Aguilera hold the word “brave” at the end of the National Anthem? Over or under six seconds? Other Xtina-related bets: will she wear a cowboy hat? Will her hair be a color other than blonde?

My guesses: over, no, and no.

2. What will be the color of Gatorade dumped on the head of the winning coach? Yellow, 
clear/water, orange, lime green, red or blue?

My guess: Yellow.

3. Will the Fox announcers say Troy Polamalu or Clay Matthews has better hair on TV during the game? This must be a direct reference on TV comparing the two players’ hair.

My guess: Polamalu, of course.

4. How many times will Fox announcers mention Brett Favre on air during the game? Any taped or past video does not count; the announcers must say “Brett Favre” exactly.

My guess: eight.

5. Will the Dow Jones be up or down the day after the Super Bowl? 

My guess: up.

6.Will Fergie be dressed as a Dallas Cowboys cheerleader at some point during halftime? If she busts out the costume and you said she would, you can make five times your bet.

My guess: No. If she was going to appear in a cheerleading uniform, wouldn’t it be the Miami Dolphins, since she’s a minority investor in the franchise?

7. Will Fox show Aaron Rodgers’ girlfriend first (actress Jessica Szohr) or Ben Roethlisberger’s fiancee first (Ashley Harlan)? Odds are on Big Ben’s boo. 

My guess: Rodgers’ girlfriend.

8. Will the MVP thank his family, God, coach or teammates first? Or will he thank no one? My guess: teammates.

9. Will a punt hit the scoreboard during the game? A successful “yes” bet will earn you 10 times your money.

My guess: no.

10. Will Barack Obama pick the Steelers or the Packers to win? 

My guess: Steelers.

Marriage is like a deck of cards.
In the beginning, all you need is two hearts and a diamond.
By the end, you wish you had a club and a spade.

Remember this?

A cartoon that took me a second or two...
What if you were actually retarded and your parents just paid everyone around you to act normal?
Show off.
Marriage lets you annoy one special person for the rest of your life.
Yes, this is a strip joint and yes, that's a fake leg...

HE: Did you know that elks have sex 10 to 15 times a day?"

ME: "Aw shit...I just joined the American Legion.


Dementia test

Let’s see how you do:
1. You are participating in a race. You overtake the second person. What position are you in?
Answer: If you answered that you are first, then you are absolutely wrong! If you overtake the second person and you take his place, you are second!
Try not to screw up next time. Now answer the second question, but don’t take as much time as you took for the first question, OK ?
2. If you overtake the last person, then you are…?
Answer: If you answered that you are second to last, then you are wrong again. Tell me, how can you overtake the LAST person?
You’re not very good at this, are you?
3. Very tricky arithmetic! Note: This must be done in your head only . Do NOT use paper and pencil or a calculator. Try it.
Take 1000 and add 40 to it. Now add another 1000 . Now add 30 … Add another 1000 . Now add 20 . Now add another 1000 . Now add 10 . What is the total?
Did you get 5000 ? The correct answer is actually 4100.
If you don’t believe it, check it with a calculator! Today is definitely not your day, is it? Maybe you’ll get the last question right… Maybe.
4. Mary’s father has five daughters: 1. Nana, 2. Nene, 3. Nini, 4. Nono. What is the name of the fifth daughter?
Did you Answer Nunu? NO! Of course ! It isn’t . Her name is Mary. Read the question again!
5. A deaf-mute person goes into a shop and wants to buy a toothbrush. By imitating the action of brushing his teeth he successfully expresses himself to the shopkeeper and the purchase is done.
Next, a blind man comes into the shop who wants to buy a pair of sunglasses; how does HE indicate what he wants?
He just has to open his mouth and ask…It’s really very simple.
So… Are you demented?

There are hundreds of Lego things made to mimic movie scenes.
I like this one best.

Bobby Fisher (the batshit crazy chess champ) came out of a South African brothel and was quoted saying, "Chess is better than that."

You gotta love this guy...

Can't you just feel the cool and smell the purity?

I must have bought a hundred tubes of this stuff.
And don't tell me you didn't put it in your mouth.



Is it just me, or is this just cool as fucking shit?

Yes, we have no bananas...

If you don't know what these are about, then you have never lived in a dorm...

Three of my favorite things in the world...


Two of my very own...



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