FOLIO OLIO: THINGS THAT MAY NOT BE ART

The story above is true. She knocked out internet service over a vast area. Why the cable was buried so shallowly was not addressed.

You know what's really, really funny? Watching a film of a woman giving birth backwards.

TRUE: During the Master's, the color man on TV said, "Every continent except the Arctic and Antarctica is featured on the leader board."

The recent deaths of 20,000 Japanese afforded the whole planet a solid 15 minutes in which everyone acted like a human being.

This artist carved a "life-sized" sculpture of Johnny Depp. He may need just a little more training.

The time between something being fascinating and being extremely irritating down to 4 minutes.

The last of the Christmas puppies have just been euthanized, which marks the official start of spring.

Yesterday I got my dick stuck in my zipper. I'll never wear zip-up boots again.

If you don't understand this...It's okay...it really is....

The US government is turning into an insurance company with an army. And if it doesn't do something soon about health costs, it won't be able to afford the army.

I changed all my passwords to "INCORRECT" so my computer just tells me when I forget.

SARCASM: the ability to insult idiots without them realizing it.

Live every day as if it's your first.

On first dates, young men should avoid substituting the word "shabang" for orgasm. And don't dress in her clothing....ever.

I kind of like this one actually....I may have used slightly tinted water...

When I see rude drivers, I tell myself that they are hurrying because a loved one is in labor, then, and only then, I run them off the road.

Have I already told you my alzheimer's joke?

What do spinach and anal sex have in common?
If you were forced to have it as a kid, you'll hat it as an adult.

Sometimes I like to ask people the date, then when they tell me I ask what year....just to see the look on their face.

The other night I looked at myself in the mirror for half an hour trying to catch myself blink....I missed it every time.

I think Santa Claus could beat Peter Pan in a fight.

I got hauled down to jail the other night. A cop showed up at a party and asked who had the gun and I thought he said who had fun, so I raised my hand...then he found my gun.

Me and some buddies were so drunk when we went through the Taco Bell drive-thru that we couldn't figure out how much each person would have to pay, so we took turns ordering and drove around the building four times.

I buy my grooming aids at a hardware store.

I'm sorry your car's fuel efficiency is rendered meaningless by the size of your ass.

A recent study observed 28 people pooping in three positions: sitting on a high toilet, sitting on a lower one and squatting like they were catchers at a baseball game (catcher's mitt optional, but encouraged). After initially being mistaken for a German porn company, the researchers found that pooping took about a minute less when done squatting and that participants rated the experience as "easier" (God, we hope they were getting paid).

What is marijuana without the high? Still a very effective painkiller. And now, scientists believe they can harness the drug's anaesthetic action while doing away with its psychedelic effects. In a new paper published in the journal Nature Chemical Biology, Professor Li Zhang and a team of scientists at the U.S. National Institute on Alcohol Abuse and Alcoholism report that THC can potentially be used as a side-effect-free painkiller. Is a new class of "non-psychotropic cannabinoids" on the way?

I have a friend who has spent time in federal prison and he learned that the first thing you ought to do upon arriving at the prison is to declare yourself a Jew. Jews have their own kitchen where only kosher food is prepared and it is much better than ordinary fare. Further, you get many more holidays, thus you are excused from your work schedule for more days.

Now the real art. Ten thousand "half-shoes" arranged to protest land mine deaths. Bravo, young artist.

The Obama Administration is urging Congress and the Senate to pass sweeping legislation that will provide new benefits for many Americans: The "Americans With No Abilities Act" (AWNAA). President Obama said he will sign it as soon as it hits his desk if he's not busy watching basketball.

The AWNAA is being hailed as a major legislative goal by advocates of the millions of Americans who lack any real skills or ambition.

This is Roy Lichtenstein. I don't like Roy Lichtenstein and here is why.
He had a studio in New Hampshire or some such place. He would paint all year, then load all his stuff in a big truck and take it to New York and one by one show them to art dealers. For many years he was rejected, then he hit upon the idea of painting images using the same style as comic books....and now he's a mult-millionaire.
My concern is the pure, unadulterated commercialization of the whole affair....art as a mere commodity as it were.

Children learning about Stone Age man in a German classroom ended up in tears and one fainted when their teacher killed two rabbits in front of their eyes with a hammer. "They didn't have a supermarket to go to," he told the 10 and 11-year-olds at the Cesar-Klein-School in Ratekau in northern Germany. "So this is how they did it."

I like this...

TRUE: Guy buying ticket for lottery stooped over to buy a Snickers and another guy broke in front of him. The guy didn't protest, but because he let the rude dude go first, the Snickers guy won millions.

More book re-use art...

THINGS THAT MEAN THE OPPOSITE
With all due respect...
I'm not a prude, but...
Nothing personal, but...
I'm not comparing you to Hitler, but...

I read somewhere that women are thinking about bringing back the shoulder pads.....please don't.