FOLIO OLIO: JUST T-SHIRTS CAUSE I'M BUSY THAT'S WHY

I have been extremely busy getting ready for this big mural in Georgia. Spent $5000 on paint today....not my money, but still it spooked me. Then the truck rental people didn't have my truck and I had to deal with that. Then I locked my fucking keys in my truck. I always have a spare zip-locked up under the rear end, but I had nothing to cut it with.

Anyway, I've set up some rather lame posts for each day this week and will try to keep you updated, but with no internet service handy starting Tuesday, it will be touch and go.

TRUE: Charleston, SC - Another stupid motherfucker called the cops when a drug dealer short changed him....after he smoked the crack...that he admitted. He was arrested.

One day, long, long ago, there lived a woman who did not whine, nag or bitch.

But it was a long time ago........and it was just that one day.

The End

POTENTIAL LAST WORDS:
I'll get a world record for this...
It's fireproof....
He's probably just hibernating...
What does this button do....
I'm making a citizens arrest...
Watch this....
You sure the power is off....
I've seen this done on TV.....
Let it down slowly....

TRUE: Unsure of death toll in Alabama tornadoes since some bodies were ripped into pieces and found in widely separated locations and counted as more than one person.

My wife asked me if her new pants made her ass look big. I said, Why no, of course not, princess....cheesecake makes your ass look big.

I'll bet money all three of them are....

And I'm sure your mom is proud...

You need an ark? I Noah guy.

?????????

Well, bless their.......hearts....

We are born naked, wet, and hungry...then things get worse.

A WORD I HAVE NEVER USED OR TYPED UNTIL NOW: Peregrinate - to travel on foot.

Tell me, if a man who can't count finds a four-leaf clover, is he still lucky?

TRUE: It is physically impossible for pigs to look up into the sky.

Someday someone may kill you with your own gun, but they should literally have to beat you to death with it because it will be empty.

I can't read this one, but....

This one actually took me a minute....

Give up? Highlight [ rock, paper, scissors ]

Speaking of virgins, what do the women suicide bombers get in heaven?

The world's hardest tongue twister: "The sixth sick sheik's sixth sheep's sick."

TRUE: They are unsure of the death toll in Alabama tornados since some bodies were ripped into pieces that were counted as more than one person when they were found in separate areas.

Last night I was sitting on the sofa watching TV when I heard my wife's voice from the kitchen. "What would you like for dinner, my love? Chicken, Beef or Lamb?"
I said, "Thank you, I'll have chicken."
She replied, "You're having soup. I was talking to the cat."

NAME THE SOURSE OF THESE FIRST LINES:
A: Mr. and Mrs. Dursley of Number four Privet Drive were proud to say that they were perfectly normal, than you very much."
B: "A green hunting cap squeezed the to of the balloon of a head."
C: "All this happened, more or less."
D: "It was a bright cold day in April and the clocks were striking thirteen."

Highlight [A: Harry Potter and the Sorcerer's Stone. B: A Confederacy of Dunces. C: Slaughterhouse-Five. D: 1084.]

You're hired....

I have no idea what her T-shirt says, but, really, who the fuck cares....

"Fuck it, let's attack Tunisia. They started this mess," said Libya.

Nice...

Not so nice....

I like to look at the forgotten shopping lists in the carts at my grocery store and try to figure out what kind of person they are.

TRUE: Lisa Rice of Trenton, Ga., and her two daughters, Stormy and Sky, are among those who escaped a terrible fate from the recent tornadoes by hiding in a tanning bed.

???????