PLACES AND OBJECTS I FOUND INTERESTING

I'm going to leave most of these without comment...hope you enjoy.

I was walking past the mental hospital the other day. All of the patients were shouting, "13....13.....13...."
The fence was too high to see over, but I saw a little gap in the planks, so I looked through to see what was going on. Then some jerk poked me in the eye with a stick and all the patients began shouting, "14...14...14...."

Have you ever read a quote and thought, "Oh my god, other people think that, too! I'm not alone."
Me neither.

thanatopsis - contemplation of death.

If you don't stand for something, you'll fall for anything.

In the world of emoticons, I'm the colon, capital D.

Clean up your mess, she said. Don't talk with your mouthful, she said. Why don't we talk anymore, she said. Put down the gun, she said.

I'm one of the nicest assholes you could ever hope to meet.

Don't use that Caps Lock voice with me!

I told my wife that I would love her until I forget who she is.

What would happen if a person who could read minds met another person who could read minds?

There are people so poor, that the only thing they have is money.

Do you think we are all living in just one big consensual hallucination?

I never sleep on public transportation. 
I don't want to get incepted.

I don't procrastinate.
I just like to do things later.

There's a "How cold was she" joke in here somewhere....

Back when I was somebody in this town, each year I would invite local children for a free painting workshop, and then make them paint my workshop.

 The answer is 12. Go back and look at it again.

And once you see it, you can't unsee it.

Don't you just hate people who always play the game "Whose life sucks the most".

You smile, I smile.
You cry, I cry harder.
You jump off a bridge,
I'll go to your funeral.

I'm so hard of hearing that one time my daughter said, "I'm fine, dad, how are you today?" And I said, "No daughter of mine is getting married in an arcade!"

I'm really good at three things:
Procrastinating.
Doing absolutely nothing.
Not feeling guilty about it.

Gentlemen, did you know your wife spends upwards of a thousand dollars ON HER PURSE?

Good girls sit.
Bad bitches ride.

If someone says "I love you" and you don't feel the same way, just say "I love YouTube" really fast.

Dear Young People,
There is much more to a relationship than exchanging bodily fluids.

This guy bought a $20 punching bag from China.

It was full of garbage.

DEJA MOO: The feeling that you've heard this bullshit before.

This is an airport terminal. Yeah, go figure.

You people who know of some of my sculptures know why I think this is fucking awesome....

"They peed on my rug, man!"
"They peed on your fucking rug?"
(if you don't know which movie this came from, you might want to get out more)

What would Johnny Cash do?

Every three seconds a new baby is born.

If vegetarians love animals so much, why do they keep eating all their food?

 Just a little too close to home, yes?

In lieu of toons, today you get T-shirts....

One of my very own...

NAKED WOMEN IN VARIOUS ACTIVITIES JUST FOR OUR AMUSEMENT....AND THE SLUT THING....