FOLIO OLIO: SHIT THAT BLEW ME AWAY

This is a abandoned, fake Disneyland in China.

Let's all be naughty and save Santa the trip.

A beach in California when they had oil....

My wife likes to brag to her friends about the night I saved her from choking to death, thus becoming her hero.
But in all modesty, all I did was pull my dick out of her mouth.

So ladies, if some homosexual man in a New York fashion house announced you had to start wearing these, would you?

Sorry the Patriots did to Tim Tebow what he's yet to do to a woman.
(no I'm really not sorry)

I had no idea these things even existed....

That awkward moment when a sentence doesn't end the way you think it blowjob.

You think this is real? I hope so.

TRUE: The museum in my hometown has a suit that was worn on the moon. I had an opportunity to go behind the scene, as it were, when they were building the exhibits.
The suit had dozens of notices on every part and layer of the container of the space suit telling you NOT to clean the suit, since the gray dust was moon dust.

(that tells me that somewhere, at some time, a museum cleaned the moon dust off a suit....how embarrassing)

DAMN!

The same people who will laugh at this will eat a little cracker and pretend it's the flesh of a 2000 year old dead guy.
Go figure...logic, what's it good for?

If judging others is a sin, Santa is fucked.

Now this guy is an entrepreneur....

(if the customers won't come to you, you take the pole dancers to the customers)

This is one of the most unusual things I have ever seen....but brilliant!

Don't do bad things to people who have nude pictures of you.

There are too many fucking idiots.

Apparently, 1 in 5 people in the world are Chinese. And there are 5 people in my family. I know I'm not Chinese, so it's either my mom or my dad. Or my older brother Jimmy. Or my younger brother Ho-Chan-Chu. But I think it's Jimmy.

A comma splice walks into a bar, it has a drink and then leaves.

Michael J. Fox's last day on the striping crew....

A bar was walked into by the passive voice.

A dangling modifier walks into a bar. After finishing a drink, the bartender asks it to leave.

Months ago I opined about why they didn't sell wine in a can. Now......

SUICIDE: A very permanent solution to a temporary problem.

I am a very courteous driver. I ALWAYS let people in and shit, and it really pisses me off when they don't wave or at least nod.

Everyone is scared. Some people just hide it better than others. I prefer under the bed with my .357 magnum.

This guy used a power washer to remove some moss from a wall to make "art".

And after all that work, this is the BEST he could come up with?!?!?

I'm not perfect, but which ones of us is?
(read that again)

Remember the bandaged guy I posted a while back that had his big toe replace his thumb. Well, here it is today....

(I wonder if those are Chinese symbols for "thumb", and "not thumb")

CROSSWORD CLUE:
Rubber man
_ _ _ _ _ _ _
[ MASSEUR ]

(Sorry about the size of your penis, Ulei)

I once broke up with a girl in high school and she said that I had stolen her virginity. I promised never to do it again.

This is now the world's smallest adult person at 24".

(but don't her teeth look nice)

If aliens ever land on earth and demand to see our leader, our best chance of survival is to bring them Bill Murray.

Yeah, I fell for it too.

My wife thinks she is so smart. Tonight she said that the onion is the only food that makes you cry. So just to prove her wrong, I waited until she was leaning over checking the pot roast, then I shoved a nine inch cucumber up her ass.
She just sat there crumpled on the floor staring up at me....in what I assume was awe at my ingenuity.
(if you didn't laugh at that, you have no business on this blog)

Beautiful.

I care about the chickens who have to lay all those eggs for McDonald's damnit! I care!! I FUCKING CARE!!!

Never have I seen anything like this....you?