About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Friday, July 6, 2012

FATTEST FRIDAY POST EVER



The Boy left this comment about how the US coming up short in many, many areas:
"America is still the best at a lot of things. i read this great article on slate yesterday that identified 23 categories that we as a nation still stand head and shoulders above the rest in some of those categories include: cheese making (no one makes more of that than us), olympic medals (summer and winter, we still kick your ass), we have (believe it or not) the highest rate of CO2 emission reductions of any nation on earth, we have the highest worker productivity, 13 of 20 top research universities on the planet, more rollercoasters, more marine protected areas, and a few more."
Well, I guess we could play a game of "I'll see your infant mortality and raise you rollercoasters", but I'm not sure you want to go there.
*********************
Let's revisit this...

Overcome with emotion...(so glad to see other people misspell things - see below)......(it's not stupidity, folks, it's lack of time)....
 It didn't take him long to recover...

So, what to do now? Make fun of it, of course...

This is supposedly commentary on the Higgs boson....I don't get it....




Then there's this....
Just click on the "CLICK HERE" for an elementary animated explanation of the Higgs boson.


"CLICK HERE"


*******************

This is the 17hp Renault Twizy. I think we should embrace things like this. Driving a two ton tank to the grocery store for a loaf of bread just don't make sense.....

People standing beside the track of RFK's funeral train...


"Okay, I regret putting your contact lenses in the cat's eyes.
I hope you find him real soon."



Mother Teresa, 1920 (left)...
 Shit! That bitch was fuckable!


Speaking of nuns....
I'm sick and tired of being humiliated by my dry cleaners with his "Tsks" and sighs.

Build a river with holy water and the people will come...

Politician's worst nightmare is a voter with a good memory.





Protect yourself at all times....

This reminds me of a window display in Boston....
 They had planks (boards) in each of their dozen windows. I forgot all of them, but one had photos of famous film directors ("Board of Directors"). Others had governors, cheese, and others about health and education.
So, how many can you invent?

This is the chair Lincoln was sitting in when he was shot...
 Wouldn't it be great if they had a barstool where Lincoln had his last shot?

If you have any doubt that we (Americans) are dumb and getting dumber.....you haven't been paying attention.

DO NOT fuck with this man!

No, I would say blisters mean your shoes don't fit properly.

Glamor shots.....don't.....ever.....even if free......even if they pay you.....
Your grandchildren will thank you.

This are called "Batman on Pizza Hut, Jiffy Lube"...

Try me? Could any of us resist?

During the war, loud noises were not encouraged...
During an all-out war there are agencies for every aspect of life. Now we are asked to make no sacrifice whatsoever.


I cried because I had no shoes, then I saw a man who had several pairs he didn't even wear. Then I wept like a child...great heaving sobs until I could hardly breathe.





I just want to live long enough to be the only person on earth who has not developed an app for the iPhone. 




It's called the Darwin Point (D.P.)....

If your hair is wrong, your entire life is wrong....


Does this make your cooter quiver?

What an interesting photo......unaltered.....


His inability to fully grasp a concept never stands in his way to act boldly.



I find action irksome.





Dear America,
Fuck you and all your social media friends.
 My wife was so upset with the outage that she called her friends on the phone and asked them to verbally describe their breakfast to her. Such is the magnitude of the problem.

Subtitles amuse me...
Also, if you pay attention to closed caption on TV, you will discover some gems from time to time.
Don't often see closed caption? You are not hanging out in enough bars.


Reading a book about anti-gravity....found it impossible to put down.



There is still time to change your life for the better, unless, of course....
...you have already used the ax.



I like unusual clocks....


Here's one for the workplace.....

My brother ate at a place in Alaska that did shit like this...
Their menu would say things like this:
Cheeseburger - $5
Hamburger with cheese - $4
BLT - $4
LBT - $3
Of course, the locals knew which to order.

 One of my very own...

Got any idea what this is?...give it a moment before scrolling to the answer....
 Old map of the Tour de France.
For listing leaders at each stage?

There's a beating a dead horse joke in here someplace...

Schadenfreude.....look it up....makes it funnier....

???????
 I think it would have been more effective with a mirror on the wall.

And then this....
Good point, mate.


You might want to raise your sights a bit there, Spanky....

What a very bizarre image....I haven't a clue...I mean that...


Freedom means drunk people can shoot off fireworks at 2 am without fear of death.




Do you think these are real people arranged like that, or some computer mumbo jumbo?
 I would like to think they are real people.



America: What do you want to watch: college football, pro-football, baseball, hockey, NASCAR, NBA or one of the million stupid X-sports we've invented?
Europe: What do you want to watch; soccer or soccer?
(but as NdT tells us: On the day we reserve to tell ourselves America is great - July 4th - Europe reminds us that we suck at science)
(Dear America, Peter Higgs is English)

Last night my wife went with her friends to watch Magic Mike. This morning she bought me a gym membership.

Have you ever been sitting in a bar and had a thought that was so fucking bizarre that you looked around to make sure no one could read minds, or, god forbid, you said something aloud.





FUCK CLOTHES!




Never lived in the South? Well, this is a typical Souther teenager. Maybe now you can understand why we fuck our sisters.....

I spend more time on Netflix picking out a movie than I do watching it....TRUE!





The world used to seem incomprehensible and crazy, but then I realized that opulent sociopaths ran it. Now everything makes perfect sense.






Pretty cool back of bus ad....


I found out the hard way that historical re-enactors don't appreciate it when you keep shouting out who's going to win the battle and adding "Just wait....JUST WAIT!"






Do you remember when you were a kid and had to pretend to read the card after the money fell out?






I have a fear of speed bumps.........but I'm slowly getting over it.




(if you don't think that is funny....read it again)


What if Elvis really is dead?






TRUE: News report stated that 30% of gay and tranny men in prison are raped.......30%.
To be honest, I thought it would be 30% for the general population and more like 156% to 2,343,344% for gays.




TRUE: Someone finally solved the Obamacare "tax/penalty" debate once and for all. They called it "A penalty imposed by the tax system."
Perfect. Now can we move on with saving our country from total collapse?
I would appreciate it very, very much.






I enjoy a glass of wine each night for it’s health benefits. The rest of the bottle helps me blog provocative and/or ambiguous statements of indeterminate truthfulness posted in order to stimulate response. It also helps with my flawless dance moves.








You might want to scroll this one sloooooooowly.......


I love this absurd bastard....


It was stated this was a real intersection violation photo...
But that looks like a hurricane to me...but maybe the cameras were still working.
Comments?


This is why I think engineers are overpaid....


If you don't know this.....oh, never mind....




You remember when she got on, then OFF the life boat?
Women? What can I say?


He said he had gold condoms....


If you don't get this, it's okay....it really is....


 Said alcohol.




I have no idea....


Then why the fuck are you showcasing them?




Whoa, bitch! Who the fuck did you piss off?"


And then there's this...
Got some time on your hands? Go to Google and type in "One of my very own Folio Olio". I had forgotten how funny some of the were. Hope you enjoy.


I have posts coming out on Saturdays now. Tomorrow is a mix of pretty fucking funny and pretty fucking serious....I like it.


3 comments:

Pacodog said...

Hi. I love your blog; I read it every day. There's one thing I really hate about it, though. It's the caption:

"If you don't get this, it's okay...it really is."

Really? Gee, thanks, asshole! I wasn't sure if it was "okay" for me not to get your dumbass joke or observation or whatever. Thank you so much for your fucking approval. Dick.

Seriously, though, that shit really comes across as condescending and generally douchey. Thought you should know.

Anonymous said...

Ralph, your work is truly part of my day. Daily, I take a break to read, relax, laugh, learn, relect, and think. Thank you- Mel

Ralph Henry said...

Dear Pacodog,
We here at Folio Olio aim only to be "undouchey", and any inattentiveness on our part is truly regretted.
Your concerns have been forwarded to our board of directors who are sure to give it the attention it deserves.

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