About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Saturday, July 7, 2012

SATURDAY



My wife and I now have a new member of our extended family. We have a habit of adopting a whole bunch of people, and this is the newest member of the people in the "Humans That I Love" part of our hearts. His name is Max.
And the only thing I will do, if allowed, is to teach him to think for himself........just like he's doing right now.


Last night my wife and I were seated across from one another at a restaurant, and I wanted to make a point about plots in modern movies. I said, "Now that I have unlimited Netflix access...."
She interrupted me with, "Did you say, 'Excess'?"
And I laughed, "Yes, yes I did." (which I thought exceedingly humorous)
The point I was making involves plots. A very smart man, whose name I can't recall, once said that there were only seven jokes, and all the rest were just derivatives of those seven. Well, the same goes for movies.
If I'm watching a spy film, the guy who is the most trusted will be the bad guy....every fucking time.
The most naive and unprepared character in a horror movie will survive.
I could go on, but what's the point?
That's why I so enjoy films like "Groundhog Day"; a film whose plot I had never imagined.


To put it bluntly....when was the last time you saw the hero venture out to save the world (town, tribe, etc) and not succeed?


Now to our regularly scheduled inanity.

Zipline in Nepal drops passengers 2000 feet at speeds of 90 mph along it's mile-long path.
Bare-fucking-footed.

Advertised as waterproof, shockproof, dustproof and freezeproof; captures video at 1080/30 and offers Wi-Fi connectivity.
Isn't that just what we all need...to document every fucking moment of our miserable lives?

Can you imagine chewing roast beef flavored bubble gum?
 This would be funny except it concerns children who can't speak for themselves....


You might want to do some research on Monsanto...

SEX: A TUTORIAL
Lesson #1:

Lesson #2: Don't forget to take chances...

Lesson #3: You have a whole arsenal of tools at your disposal...use them....

Lesson #4: Don't be afraid to take the show on the road from time to time....

Lesson #5: There is no "correct" time or place for anal...


Lesson #6: The show stopper....You say these words and he will be hard enough to drive nails in 4....3....2...
You're welcome.

I'm not absolutely certain I know what this means...




For The Boy.....
Is that what we fought our wars for?



I don't get it...is it a mere play on pronunciation?


There, I fixed it.....



I wondered why my package took so long...
(that was for Mel)

How...ah...hot is it?

Greatest home theater ever....


If that didn't excite you, then why don't you go back to reading about that talking snake giving dietary advice.

Animal bridges...
 And...

Deer escaping Colorado fire photographed jumping through fence....
(hair flying is cool as shit)

Men who still stand up to pee will get this...


TRUE: Yet another man chews off somebody's face...

Prom pictures have come a long, long way...Bro....

Yes, it actually dials...

In my opinion these beat a pack...

Just something else to think about...

An experience he ain't soon too forget...



Can't we all just get along....seriously...

I have seen hundreds of photograph that were cut up to resemble the last of these images....it's a new trend, I guess.
This one is made the old fashion way....mirrors.....

 (That was almost too silly to include until the peel pissed on the guy)

Juxtaposition, thy name is Pity....

Yeah, laugh now non-parents. Just wait.....


 Oh, look! A statue of an armed pregnant woman with a wine bottle shoved up her ass...
 Somethin' you don't see everyday.


The more things change, the more.........

I liked the simplicity of that.
But a more fundamental question begs an answer.
If you don't agree....why? What possible difference could it make to you? And if you try to quote me some advice you received from a 2000 year old book, written by a long dead writer from a long dead civilization, then we have a real problem.
More to the point....You want to take away one of my most fundamental rights as an American on the basis of advice you received from people who believed totally demonstrably naively false "facts"?
I'll pray for you.


And then there's this:
Aaron, am I being too harsh with these people? 
Is there a way to sway with caresses of a feather rather than a bullying blow from a sledge hammer?
I respect your opinion, my friend. My door is always open to you.


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