About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Thursday, July 5, 2012

THURSDAY



Dear Ignorant Bastards,
The term "Barbecue" is a slow cooking technique usually involving a whole hog cooked outdoors for at least 12 hours.
Hamburgers, hot dogs, etc, are not barbecued; they are "grilled".
The phrase "Let's barbecue some veggie burgers" sends us into a rage.
Thank you,
Southerners

Give these folks a minute of your thoughts....

Deployed dad reading a storybook to his child over Skype...

And before you judge that man too harshly, you should know that Patrick Henry did the same thing after the Battle of Williamsburgh.

There are some very silly images on today's post, but I like silly images....



A lot of what is called low self-esteem is simply seeing yourself as others do.




I know that because of them we have fed the world, but at what costs?


Let's hope you have better luck reciting the alphabet to your child than you did to that police officer.




What would make a grown man so mad at birds as to do this?
Oh, now I get it.....

One big happy family....

Charlie Chaplin, 1916

For Bruce.....looks like we have a computer glitch....


Shot my first turkey yesterday. Scared the shit out of everybody on the frozen food aisle.
Getting old is so much fun.




You remember the concrete figures placed on the sea bed that I posted a few years ago?

Well, here they are today...

This man woke up from a coma after a long time. Did he write out his love of family? Did he thank his doctors?
No, his first communication was for a KFC burger w/gravy....
 And, pray tell, how did this ugly fuck get a smokin' hot wife like that?

One of my very own...


I'm sorry my awesome sense of humor offends you.
And by sorry I really mean fuck you.



A flask belt buckle....


So, you could eat meat every day, but you choose not to?



50 Shades of Gay.

Some person's idea of what heaven would be like....

How many can you name?

Shit like this ought to scare the holy shit out of dissidents..

Germany has outlawed circumcision even on religious grounds.
 (these are not Germans)
I have always thought that the act of mutilating babies (whether male or female) had barbarism written all over it. Even if there is a mild health advantage, I vote we ask them when they reach the legal age.
Is my circumcised penis more beautiful than some sheathed hideous appendage dangling from some men? Of course. But as per the illustration above, wait and ask an 18 year old if he wants a beautiful, women adoring penis or the crude sausage like abomination they were born with.


??????


Never realized before, but there is no letter "A" in the spelling of the numbers 1 through 999.




Never date a girl who can kick you in the eye...


After midnight, clowns aren't funny.




I told you there were some silly images....

And not one fuck was given....

Yeah, it's my fault that a woman wears a see-through dress with thong underwear, then leans over. Yeah, it's my fault.

You ain't never takin' the trailer park out of the redneck...


Heavens forbid....


A new meme is born...Drunk Baby....




 Cat scratches baby.
Baby cries.
Baby punches cat.
Cat tries to claw baby's eyes out.
Cat dies a painful, slow death by the hands of baby's dad.

 My daughter will love this......


I hope your 4th was exciting also....


One of the most common lies: I won't laugh, I promise.



 Another person struck by lightning...
 ...and the most un-sexy bra I have ever seen.

These are Segways made up to look...well, have a look...


I'm so lazy my smoke alarm has a snooze button.



Skull binding....

 When my wife saw this, she started whining like a little puppy staring at a steak scrap...

I find it surreally interesting that on the thumb is located "Logic".


It's so hot that the wife and I have begun to eat ice sandwiches.





Several days ago I posted images of simple machines that changed the world: lever, wheel, pulley, etc. I left out the all important ice maker in the door.....and remote.





Donating sperm is so much more fun than donating blood.



TRUE: My wife and I once found a pregnancy test laying on the ground next to a gas pump. I bet it had a hell of a story behind it.

Define "better".......


Quidditch: If the snitch is worth 150 points, why does anybody ever bother with the quaffle?





I am of the opinion that Dorothy got a hold of some of those mushrooms....explains a lot.



 No.....no you won't.

Some say there is a soul in there...






1 comment:

The Boy said...

a few things today. one i hope you read the article about the 5 billion dollar blunder our military caused via troop uniforms. apparently these new uniforms with the pixilated pattern have been nothing but big flashing signs for shoot me and attack us while our boys in uniform have been overseas.

second, america is still the best at a lot of things. i read this great article on slate yesterday that identified 23 categories that we as a nation still stand head and shoulders above the rest in some of those categories include: cheese making (no one makes more of that than us), olympic medals (summer and winter, we still kick your ass), we have (believe it or not) the highest rate of CO2 emission reductions of any nation on earth, we have the highest worker productivity, 13 of 20 top research universities on the planet, more rollercoasters, more marine protected areas, and a few more heres a link hope ya enjoy.
http://www.slate.com/articles/news_and_politics/politics/2012/07/the_greatest_country_in_the_world_the_usa_is_tops_in_cheese_production_and_these_23_other_categories_.html

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