About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Friday, July 20, 2012

FRIDAY


I found a new blog I've investigated thoroughly. It's called "Grumpy man with too much time on his hands", and I laughed all afternoon. I'm also jealous that I didn't think of the name.



My buddy who owns my favorite pizza place is such a Gamecock fan that in his employee's handbook it states that they are forbidden to wear orange....the color of the Gamecock's archenemy, Clemson.

Look, topless pissed off demonstrators....


Google Rule #3:
If you can't find it in 3 minutes or less, it doesn't exist.



19th century Masonic porn...


My wife doesn't like to be told what to do unless we are naked, then all bets are off.



Oh, look, more topless pissed off demonstrators....


If Breaking Bad has taught me anything, it is to keep my porn-filled computer away from giant magnets.



You think these words have ever been arranged in a sentence before?


Remember back when if you wanted to see funny videos, you had to go through Bob Saget?



If you know anything about poker, you know somebody is about to lose it all....bummer, that.....


Yesterday I made the mistake of placing my two Carolina Panther's season tickets on the dash of my truck. I came back later and somebody had broken out my front windshield and put 2 more season tickets on my dash. Now I have FOUR season tickets AND a busted windshield.



Fuck hate.



Doth thy desire chips with that?


Adding "and shit" at the end of a sentence can make anything sound thug.
Example: "I was playin' with my Cheerios and shit."




Get it?
 Get it?





Who would have thunk?


eenie meenie minie mo
suck my dick
you fucking hoe




Honey, just because they made it them your size doesn't mean you have to wear them.....

 I will never do anything as well as this man acts.


 BWAHAHAHAHAHAHAH!!!!


Back when I was your age, dope came in a panel truck.....


My daughter was very precocious. When she was about two she looked at me and said, "Stop singing Rock A Bye Baby to me at night. A song about putting an infant in a cradle in a tree and then it comes crashing down doesn't exactly make me want to close my eyes around you. 





Right before Christmas one year, my young daughter asked me, "Does Barbie come with Ken?"
I said, "No, dear, she comes with G.I. Joe. She just fakes it with Ken."




There's no need getting bull headed about it....
(that, Gentle Readers, is one weird-ass image)


Asking me how my day at the proctologist went is like asking how a drive-by shooting went....I'm just lucky I got out alive!





My wife got up complaining of chest pains, then I pointed out she was standing on her nipples.




Redneck real estate....

Bummer.....

I find shit like this fucking hilarious...
And I bet his mother is proud...no really...proud.

"Hello. I'm Maximus Meridius."
"The Man in Black.....Leather."

Wow! Grandpa ought to be proud of that!

And now we know....

The cheap way to get a Brazilian...

Scientists are concerned that all the barbecues in the America during the 4th of July may affect the climate...


Hey, guys, so I was playing Call of Duty 4 and I was having some real problems. I just played a great game of Team Death Match. After the game I went to check the leader board and now that all the girls have stopped reading this, does anybody know any good new porn sites?



So, that reminded me of something. I told my bartender about the number of condoms used at the Olympics and he said most of them were probably taken as souvenirs. 
Damn!
So now what am I going to masturbate to during floor exercises?


And don't they look overjoyed at the honor....


Have you ever noticed that when some people are unhappy, they think it's their duty to make everybody else unhappy also.
When I notice this, I make special effort to show them an insufferable amount of gleefulness. 
TRUE.




I'll let this one speak for itself...

When buying a wife in Thailand, make sure she doesn't run off at the airport...

How do you say "Ah shit" in Anchiceratopsese?

This is one from the Grumpy Man blog. Yeah, he's funny as shit......

A real headline...
(goddamn I love wording like that)


Whenever people ask me how my day is going, I've started just saying, "Well, she dropped the charges."
When they ask, "What woman?", I just say, "Oh, I thought you knew. Never mind."
Try it just once. It's a hoot.






I'm more worried than you know about the below. Remember, the world economy is a house of cards.....



 Well........shit............
 Your other left, dummy.
(actually, I think he, being an officer (note uniform), is supposed to face his troops)

Mars.....
Next week we are landing a rover as big as my truck into a crater that has every indication of once having water.
I'm actually very interested in this.


Well, this is disquieting....

 Cohan was given the highest decoration the United States can bestow on a civilian for writing this song.
Pure propaganda.....but the very best propaganda money can buy.
I write this because I recently watched "Behind the Lines" which concerned shell shock.
I strongly recommend it.




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