About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Monday, July 16, 2012

MONDAY


A "bum bag" coolie....do want...

The world is a scary place, boys and girls...
(I don't even know how to respond to that)



Ladies and gentlemen, I give you the face of unexpected victory...


"She's got a real sexy adams apple," said no one ever.





I wish I didn't have to take my clothes off to be found attractive.





You guys ever think about stuff like this? Or am I preaching to the....the what....the.....obedient?


Is unconditional reprisal what we want to teach our children?........

Proof that if you are cute you have a real leg up when it comes to survival....


Speaking of Babe Ruth...seems legit....

Whenever they say it can't be done, remind them that they make a jellybean that tastes exactly like popcorn.


 Oops.....

The interweb is very observant....

This machine makes you "perform" for a free treat...
 It then asked her to bow to the machine.
Others had to stand on one leg; press the button 100 times; and dance, and other very funny things.

This is a car a dad made for his son...
It's wooden.
 But I have posted wooden cars before. I include this one because he built it in his basement and had to dig out a hole in the foundation to get it out...


And you criticize me for irreverence......


Most of the time, the best birth control is good lighting.



Survival dog...

Next spring I am going to Canada for an extended roadtrip.
I have no idea what this means...
Anybody?.........anybody?

One of my very own...

I'm getting very tired of teenagers giving me bits of wisdom on every site I visit. This guy seems to feel the same...

Quick, there's been an earthquake...run to the store and get everything we need....


I eat each and every little sticker I find on fruit, and if I ever choke I'm going to sue the shit out of them.
And I'm actually looking forward to it.




Imagine living here and having natural building material just laying around....stackable blocks of granite just waiting to be turned into a profitable brothel......

Good balance?
 No. The bit is probably three feet long.

The hands of Keith Richards....

Mexican trailer trash jail bait...something you don't see every day...

Happens every time I pee in the jungle...

Another one of my very own...


I can't afford to go on vacation so I'm just going to drink until I forget where I am.





If you are the smartest person in the room, you are in the wrong room.



Commented on this before...

So a decade or so ago, they dumped millions of tires in the ocean to form a reef and wildlife refuge. Well, that was the idea. The truth of the matter is that it killed off all the wildlife and the area is now barren.
So they are now removing all of them.


If there was a holiday for people who don't do shit all day, I would be the grand marshal.




I know this is childish, but the elbow part made me smile...

Back when dying was actually considered extraordinarily funny.........


I wonder if the clothes in China say "Made around the corner".



It's amazing what makes some people happy...
So, when you combine snakes and trailer trash, what would you expect.....

It's called juxtaposition....and this should give you pause...


They are going to leave Joe Paterno's statue up, but they're going to have him look the other way.
He's the only person who ever got off light by dying of cancer.



Of all the surfing images I've seen....never seen this....

This is not a gag. It's a real ad...


You can be the ripest, juiciest peach in the world, and there's still going to be people who hate peaches.



Shit, shit, shit, shit, shit....shit, shit.......SHIT!

Never ever say never...Mai Lei; Japanese-American internment; the list goes on....


This is a character on an episode from "Twilight Zone" where this guy loved to read and used to go down in the bank's vault to do so during his lunch break.
Well, during one such lunch break, there was a nuclear attack and everyone and everything was dead but him.
He found a library, collected the books he wanted to read and then............he dropped his glasses and they broke.
That, gentle reader, was what we watched on TV when we were being taught to get under our desks if there was a bright flash in the distance.



I advise all children who are being bullied to use one statement to make them leave you alone. That statement is, "Oh, stop, you're giving me an erection."





This is a cross-section of an underwater transcontinental cable.
I find it extraordinary.





Today I saw a print ad for Bud Light featuring the words "Bold, Smooth, Effortlessly Sophisticated". That, Gentle Reader, is what we call linguistic mumbo-jumbo.
Why don't they just be honest - "A pretty good buzz with less puking".




A mashed potatoes and gravy machine. Where is your god now?

TRUE AS FUCKING SHIT: I once went to a family wedding where I was supposed to meet the extended family of the bride for the first time. I wore Bubba Teeth that looked very similar to these.
I was amazed that the strangers would take one look at me and divert their gaze instantly, never to look me in the face again. My nephew was there and, of course, every time he looked at me, he died laughing. I think the other people thought he was being extraordinarily insensitive. 
And remember, with my huge white beard and long whitish hair, plus my demeanor, I already had my bum-look down pat.

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