About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Tuesday, July 24, 2012

TUESDAY


This is called "Friction Welding", which means you rub the two items together fast enough and they become one. I think it is mostly used when the shaft has to be absolutely straight. But I could be wrong....


I heard my wife explaining her and my marital bliss this way: "Wives just needs to be a cook in the kitchen, a maid in the rest of the house, and an acrobat in the bedroom.
And I can hire a cook and maid."





I get out of bed when my urge for coffee outweighs my pain of existence.




One that I wish was my very own....
(ps: can you believe that the creator of that gag used the name "Beatrice"?!?! That is MY name of choice when I create a gag!!!)


My head is where ideas go to die.




I have no idea what this means to you and I, but it looks important...


I'm high on life.
Or pot.
Okay, it's just the pot.
Hahaha. Haha. Ha.
Fuck.





TRUE: Let's talk about Obamacare "Death Panels", shall we.
A 86 year old man...very stubborn man...was in a hospice hospital for only three days until he talked him into letting him go "die at home". A day after he got home he fell and broke his hip. They rushed him to the hospital and gave him a complete hip replacement....curtesy of Medicare.
They were just following the rules.
We need smarter rules...or rule makers.



Notice person at tip top of the rock...


I post many pictures of people in high places. They all do strange things to my stomach, and I didn't want to be the only one....


TRUE: When I was in Germany, my Texan roommate and I went to a bar and spotted two girls sitting alone. He walked over and in his best drawl asked, "Any of ya'll speak any English?"
The girl looked up and said, "A damn sight better than you do."
She was from Ohio or some such place. And, yes, we got lucky anyway.



(polydactyly: having more than five fingers)


Fully 20%  of us now select "None" when asked for religious preference.
There may be hope after all.




Is this cheating?


The other day I caught myself telling my wife, "I'm sorry if I behaved in a way that made you think I should apologize."
It didn't work. That will never work. Don't do this stupid thing.









Republicans: A candidate's tax returns is a waste of time, yet spend three years asking for a birth certificate.



Dolphin mom keeps her dead calf on the surface for three days....

Here's how to fold an origami rhino....
(let me know how that works out for you)

Oh, the irony....


Man gets arrested for his hobby.
His hobby?
Removing screws from highway signs.
(persistence is not always a virtue)

This is how I feel when I skip forward two minutes in a porn movie....


Claustrophobia is the fear of closed spaces...I may have it. Every time I'm going to the liquor store I'm scared it might be closed.





It's so cruel that the Boy Scouts won't let a gay kid get together with other boys to make bracelets and wear scarves.






Christopher Robin Milne....


Before I married, my dad gave me advice about women this way: "There will be times of the month when you might as well go camping or something."
I ask my young, soon to be married friends in similar circumstance if they know what PMS means, then I correct them with the facts, "Prepare to Meet Satan."
(I'm glad I edited this. Before I reread it, I had left the comma out of the first sentence)




These are Olympians practicing in the best facilities they have....

Fame has it's advantages...

Cat fucking up new wax job?....no problem....

So, it has come to this...


DO. NOT. FUCK. WITH. THIS. MAN........


What do you call a kid with no arms and an eye patch?
Names.





You're only young once, Grandma......


Extraordinary.....
One day, the skill to do this may again be valuable.


The most ironic tattoos ever.....
(did you give that enough time to appreciate it fully?)



Doorman at a Russian nightclub....supposedly true...



I know it's vandalism. I know the store owner was pissed. But I think we need MORE shit like this. A smile here, a smile there, and maybe, just maybe, we start joking with each other again.


My, my, my.....what do we have here?


Women have no need for pants while riding. As a matter of fact, I've read, they sometimes really, really enjoy it....if you know what I mean....


When will it ever stop?
There is no organization or person to take over the administration of Syria once the tyrant is dethroned.
That's a real problem.


Now let's all get that strange feeling in our stomachs....again....


And yet another woman's face is fucked up...
She didn't need all those teeth anyway.


I really liked throwing pots. I hated losing half of them in the kiln, however....




That kid reminds me of when I bought an old, oak "mission chair" and I cleaned it real good and recoated it with a special oil. 
But then I found out that the brittle, faded paper label "kind of" glued to the bottom was the proof that it was a real Mission Chair, and it's removal reduced it's value from several thousand dollars to several hundred.
Bummer that.
But I still like the chair.


Check this out....The Soup Nazi has taken his soups on the road....

This fucker.....
 ....confirmed that our fears were not unfounded....

 That ego-freak sent 21 people to the hospital with 2nd and 3rd degree burns to their feet.



This is my new buddy, Max. Here he is posing with a time card from my wife's store. You see, my wife makes room in her stores for new born babies...something more companies ought to do.

This whole Olympics corporate thing is starting to piss me off...

I knew it...I just knew it!!!!

Fuck this prick....



This video showed a man waking his sleeping wife in the front seat when he got very close to this towed truck. He woke her with his screams......
 She, of course, found no humor in his gesture.


So...ah....did he get an email or what?

Sanity...we could all use more of it....





2 comments:

Patrick said...

You're killing me here, Ralph! I keep clicking on Mensa Boy, trying to read it and it won't let me! Aaaaah! You're such a tease!

Ralph Henry said...

I'm new at this shit. I probably fucked it up somehow.
Sorry.

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