About Me

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I'm an artist, an educator, Pastafarian and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like unusual juxtaposition, but I love my wife...and beer. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while. Oh, and I mispell alot.

Wednesday, July 25, 2012

WEDNESDAY



Patrick,
I appreciate very much your recent comment.
I can only think of one solution to the problem with Mensa Boy.
First a little nuts and bolts. There are three ways I can handle comments to my blog. 
A:  I could let all of them be posted automatically, but then there would be a dozen spam ads a day for viagra and loan sharks.
B: I could curtail the computer spam ads with a filter that would make people like you copy strange words and symbols, but to me, that's a pain in the ass.
C: (the way I choose to do it) I could have all comments sent to me via email and I make the decision to approve or disapprove them for posting.
I would appreciate it if you would send me a comment with your email address. I will not post this information to my blog, but I will use your address to send you a document file of Mensa Boy...which I consider my best short story.
Further, you will, of course, have my email address, and I would love to hear your appraisal of my story...which, believe it or not, is absolutely factual....with some embellishments.


And now, let's resume the frivolity.....

Let's do politics first....


Boy, we've been waging this war a long, long time...


I have delved into Ayn Rand lately. But by the material above, I do not want you to get the idea that I am far left wing. I like to think of myself as far sanity wing.
We are going off a cliff; we are going to get fucked; and, there ain't a fucking thing we can do about it. I just want someone to tell me the fucking truth so I can prepare (further prepare)....and Mitt ain't he.




CLUE: Crude letters
_ _ _ _
Highlight - [ OPEC ]






I accidentally used aol.com to search for something today. I feel like everyone who works there probably high-fived each other and got really hopeful about the future.




Some people just need more attention than the rest of us...


One of my very own...

Fruits and vegetables?


If I didn't have any arms, my vest would be my coat.





PIRATE = THIEF + BOAT + BANDANA - LEG





You never know how fast you can move until somebody says, "Don't move, there's something in your hair."


NO!


TRUE: In India, the keeping of snakes has been outlawed since 1972...but seldom enforced. Now, however, with a new law, it seems the days of the snake charmers are numbered.




This is a good idea....

The proactive, and thoughtful, bar owner....

Another of my very own....


What if you could shit out of your dick? Would you, like, write stuff in the bowl like a cake decorator? I would.


Does this guy look smart? Read on....

Apparently, these motherfuckers watch and wait for the culprits to leave, then stand clear while they disarm the snares. Damn!


No matter how impossible it sounds, NEVER bet on another man's bar trick. I put myself through college from the people who did not heed this advice.




You should read this....
 And here he is....
So, apparently, weapons of mass conception are okay.
On another site I read that he lives with his mom and hasn't had a date in two years....take it for what it's worth.

It's International Breathe Through Your Nose Month....


Everyone should try frozen anal beads.....once.




I may have posted this before...I don't remember.
I included this because of his baby daughter there in the studio with him. I used to take my daughters to my studio with me.
 Wine corks.....why not?


Outside of a dog, a book is man's best friend.
Inside of a dog it's too dark to read.


Did Carter say this? Hell, I don't know. But I like the comment.
Along the same vein....I read a rather impressive post to another blog that stated that two (2) studies had concluded that running in the rain got you 7% wetter than walking briskly.
I told my science-trained bartender about this and he was very, very skeptical. So I came home and did my research.
According to the BBC, which I assume we can trust, the results were just the opposite. The main reason being that runners are in the rain for a much shorter time.
But that's not the point. The point is, of all the fucking things somebody could lie about on a blog, why the holy shit would they lie about how wet you got in the rain?!?!?
I just don't get it.


People said I was dumb, but I proved them.




Did you know that of the dozens of "saviors" that popped up two thousand years ago, almost all of them had a virgin birth....
Oh, look, here's some more. Having a virgin mother is very popular among gods....

Religion = Crowd Control + Sense of Superiority....pure and simple....
Yoga?!?!?!


Most people don't get rid of their land line because they use it to call their cell phone when they can't find it.



If the US loses it's corn crop, the world could starve...
But not everyone takes the threat seriously....

My daughter is in Africa for two weeks. This amazing image reminded me of her....

Be good only to those who are good to you.
Tell the rest to suck your dick.




I'm a sucker for dramatic reflexions.....


When faced with danger, most everyone is a pussy.
I actually believed that until I found out that four young men died in that theater in Colorado lying on top of their girlfriends.
My bartender and I discussed that today and we both had the same thought at the same time.
Can you imagine how IN you would be with her had you not been killed? Imagine what that woman would do to/for you if you survived.
He: (sitting outside her mom's house) Hey, we have five minutes before the turkey will be done, how about a blow job?
She: Are you nuts? I just spent two hours putting on make-up and this is my best dress!
He: Oh, alright. It's not like I took a bullet for you....oh, wait................


THIS. IS. NOT. A. JOKE.


1.  You are not famous. Get over it.
2.  Some days, no matter who you are, you just have to eat shit.
3.  You bore most people.





Men do not stare a boobs.
Boobs stare at men.





Fool me once, shame on you.
Fool me twice, shame on me.
Fool me again and I'm going ghetto on your ass.



What a great idea!
There's an app for that.


Nothing is truly lost until your wife can't find it.





T-shirts are the bumper stickers of the torso.




Honest advertising....


TRUE: There are men who are sexually aroused only by scenes on TV or the movies in which a woman loses a shoe or shoes.



Squint to see it better....
And another....


You are very lucky to be born male.



I bet he was on the phone...


You are very lucky to be born female.



???????
Speciesism?!?!?!

A few good ideas I didn't know....

Airtight caskets + floods = Welcome back Grandma.....


Subtitles...you got to love subtitles...


That's either one smart turtle or one stupid ass dog...


DEATH = NAP + FOREVER





MONARCHY = (RULER + INBREEDING) - ELECTIONS
(fuck those pricks)

My hero....
 (My hero is not the naked guy. My hero is the judge.)

 Warren Buffet's toilet paper....


 As I understand it, this is the Australian hurdler's normal warmup....

Wouldn't you like to know the story behind this....


"My, what a big trunk you have"....


PLACEBO = PILL - MEDICINE




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