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I'm an artist, an educator,,and I write. I also will gamble on just about anything. And I like beer...but I love my wife. This blog is observations from a funny old man who gets pissed off every once in a while.

Thursday, August 2, 2012


IRONY: They told me to use the brain god gave me. I did. Now I'm an atheist.

Terrible is not the word I would have used. Terrifying is the word I would have used.

War and The Innocents....a supremely powerful combination...

College is just high school with more expensive books.

"Just thinkin' about the universe and stuff. You?"

I don't always say something clever online. But when I do, I go back and read it over and over again.......and still screw it up.

I'll never tire of sharing pictures of modern weaponry in the hands of one of the last remaining hunter/gatherers....

Batman doesn't use guns....except on every single vehicle he owns.
And why does he use that voice around people who know he is Bruce Wayne?

Check out her smile.....

The fact that I'm not scared of dying scares me sometimes.

To repeat...I love this cartoonist....

SAID TO BE TRUE:  Continum, a magazine focused on AIDS denial, was shut down when all of its editors died from AIDS.

I hope this is the last I have to say about this subject....
TRUE:  Bernie the Jew came up to me this evening very angry. He began his tirade with this explanation: He had gone to Chick-fil-A for lunch even though he doesn't like their sandwiches. He went to counter the protests heaped upon the owner for simply stating his opinion, which is covered under free speech.
I countered that the boycotts are a form of free speech that he should celebrate, not condemn. I further stated that I think we need MORE of such action, but not just for the rights of gays, but for the right to breathe clean air, walk down safe streets, eat foods that aren't polluted by Dow Chemical, etc. Then I asked, how allowing two men to marry could possibly affect him. 
He said that if you did that, then you would have to start letting a man take three, five or twenty wives. 
I said, So fucking what? How would THAT affect you? 
He said, (and this is a legitimate concern...he being a lawyer) So, what do we do about Social Security survivor benefits? Give them to ALL the wives.
I said, Pass a law that says two wives split it and twenty wives divide it up equally.
Then my very smart friend, Bernie, took a walk on the wild side. He asked, So you think a man should be allowed to marry his dog?
I smiled and told him the conversation was over and for him to come back when he had a bout of lucidness. Then I winked and said, But if I wanted to fuck my dog, what business is that of the government?
He said, What about on the grounds of animal cruelty?
I said, Oh, it's not cruel. They like it.
He said, How in the world could you know that?
I said, Because of the look she gives me when she glances back at me.
Then we all laughed.

My wife told me about a movement to go ask for water in every restaurant, because the bible says a Christian must provide water to visitors or some such shit.
Final word: There is a barbecue restaurant in town that is owned by a man who is so fucking racist he has KKK-like pamphlets in his lobby.........but he has very, very good barbecue....if you catch my drift.

And now, the final, final word...
John Goodman as Colonel Sanders...it's a hoot...
>>>> CLICK HERE <<<<<<

I never said she was the brightest bulb in the tanning bed.

Axyl Rose, that is all.

Even if the voices aren't real, they have some good ideas.

I won't bore you with the details, but there is a move afoot to undermine that this man is who he says he is....seriously...
TRUE: On an online dating service, this guy gave the length of his dick.

Rock is dead.
(paper killed it)

Metaphorically, of course....

TRUE: I know a woman who moved from Myrtle Beach to the west coast. When she came home for a visit she said, "Out there they have the sand, the palm trees, and the surf just like we have here, but the ocean is always on the wrong side of the road.
(you might want to think about that a minute)

Her dad is an American soldier...

After watching the physique on the swimmers, I finally decided to do something about my flab problem.
I bought my wife a membership to the gym.

I actually believe that, and I think helplessness is epidemic in America.

This is the way I look when my visiting daughter and I leave the bar at the same time and I, using a shortcut only I know about, beat her home....
(that's true)

TRUE: In America many locales have solved the whole "Rodney King"-like incidents....they made it illegal to photograph a police officer. Give that a moment's thought, please.
And on top of that, they photograph every fucking move we make. But it's okay, they said, we live in America and nothing bad could ever happen with a lopsided system like that.

My friend forgot his laptop on the floor in my studio, and my wife thought it was a scale. Conclusion, my wife weights 950 dollars.

Asshole?!?! I just ask questions....like "Do you think the following is normal human behavior?"
And let me be perfectly clear. If you believe that priests used to pull devils out of people's asses....
...I DON'T GIVE A SHIT! I find you....entertaining. But if you belong to a church that preaches taking away some rights of Americans because you happen to disapprove of that behavior, then, Gentle Reader, I am going to be right in your fucking face.
But the star of the Olympic Opening Ceremonies says it much better than I.

TRUE: When asked to fill in race on a form, my wife has begun writing in Human. I think I will, also.

How do they know for sure that it's the same tree?
I mean, maybe the guy's great-great-great grandfather dropped the thing and luckily he had a replacement out in the shed. Just sayin'.

The only way I can explain this image is that he just caught his underage daughter doing the same thing....

There is no "I" in Team, but there are three "U's" in Shut the Fuck Up."

What the fuck are we looking at here, people?!

A Few Things You Can Say To Your Dog But Not Your Wife:
- Come.
- I'm going to give you a bath, then a nice bone.
- Grab the ball. Grab the ball. Grab the ball.
- Get off the mailman. Get off the mailman.

By the way, I had someone ask me "Why do you need an assault rifle?" I just laughed and said, "I don't need an assault rifle. I want an assault rifle."

 Oh, shit, my wife is off her meds again....

You can't find quality video like this on just any old site, folks.....

Holy fucking psycho bitch, boys and girls....

Sometimes I pretend I'm asleep so my wife will carry me to bed. A good wife will do that.

 This is one of the oldest jokes in the world...literally....

This is well worth the read....

This is one of those flashlights that you have to shake to make it work.
 Periodically I cut the main power to my house just to watch my wife do that for an hour or so.

I still catch some flack over including naked women in my blog. I really don't give a fuck about the criticism, but it confuses me.
Why is this some sort of male exploitation.... 
Yet this is not female exploitation? I'm waiting for an intelligent answer to that question.
And this is just a few of the Olympians who have posed naked or nearly so...

The trick to a happy life is to always keep a little buzz going.

This used to be one of the coolest things you could do to a car....

Earth women are so easy even the dog wants in on the action...

TRUE: Before the Civil War, they said, "The United States are....", and after the war they said, "The United States is..."

You find the most excellent advice in some of the most unlikely places.....and this is excellent advice....

I am fascinated by the things that turn people on.
Sometimes I feel kind of weird that I never got turned on by any weird shit....like I've missed out on something.
But, honestly, can you imagine me talking my wife into something like this....

Am I the only one who listens to the MacGyver theme song while building IKEA furniture?

One of my very own...

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