TUESDAY 8/21/12

Confidence is the prize given to the mediocre.

Something you don't see everyday...

Very few people can brag about getting a handjob from their barber after a haircut nowadays.

I watched a rather long video clip about a tour bus on one of those highways of death in Peru or some such place, and there was a slight collapse making the already narrow road narrower. So the tourists get out and walk to the other side of the collapse and wait for the driver to negotiate the peril alone. Well, he didn't make it and he and his bus fell 13 million feet down into the valley. Instantly, all the tourists rushed to the edge of the road to photograph the gory affair on their cellphones. I found that interesting.

What a wonderful idea. I'm assuming they used it as an ornament for the next tree....

I am not lazy. I just take a lot of horizontal life pauses.

Don't make fun of people with a lisp. I'm sure they are thick and tired of it.

The guy who invented the "High Five" must of been left hanging 99% of the time that first year.

"Mitt Romney and Paul Ryan" and "My Ultimate Ayn Rand Porn" are anagrams.

Life got real weird when I used my birthday money from Grandma to buy porn and a tube of KY.

I want some of what he's drinking...

LEGALIZE CRYSTAL METH NOW!!!!!

How to win her love:

1. Hold doors.

2. Tell her she's beautiful.

3. Make her laugh.

4. Be confident.

5. Pull her hair and smack her ass....hard.....glitter optional.

Whoever put the letter "B" in the word "Subtle" deserves a pat on the back.

The best argument against democracy is a five-minute conversation with the average voter.



The problem, identified almost immediately, was that instead of the normal concealment ploy, this man is now the best target on the battle field.

This is the Curiosity crew doing the McKayla pose....

I don't like morning people......or mornings.......or people.



This man does not get paid enough money....period.....

My neighbor brought her son over during a visit today. He took one look and asked, "Mom, what's that big box behind their TV?"

I wonder how many people have choked to death on Lifesavers.



What's up with the red graphics in her hair?

My extreme phobia of elevators has more than once tempted me to take the stairs.



If you think this is stupid, then you would have a rough time touring my art collection....

A good looking girl put a hidden camera on her ass to catch guys looking at her butt, with the expected result...

 But almost every girl stared also...this one did it all the way up the escalator....

Another look at Clint Eastwood dog....a noble beast, he...

I wake up in the morning and piss excellence.

I used to hold my children like this...

I wanted my daughters at my sight level. When they studied something, I could sense it and linger for closer examination. If they heard something and turned around, I would turn to see what they found interesting.
My most trusted advisor sent me this today...

It's the worst idea I have ever seen. First you have no idea what the child is interested in and second, he can't reach out and touch it...investigate it...which is the only job they have.

One of my very own...

Once you can accept the universe as matter expanding into nothing that is something, then social gaffs come rather easily.



This morning I fantasized about her taking a shit at the same time I was taking a shit....

AR 15's are like dogs.
Probably.
Somehow.

Question: Do you think they "trained" their voices, or do you think it just came natural?
And just for the record, I would get a hard on listening to them read a phone book.

Remember, 100% of the people who drink water, die.

There have already been cases of astronauts having severe cabin fever in the ISS as well as MIR and even Sky Lab. And they were up there for weeks. What will be the effects of months or years confinement?

My friend emailed me this yesterday...

(Thanks for sharing that, Fran)

One of my very own...

Life is like a nipple. It can be hard sometimes not to get poked in the back by it when you crowd on an elevator.

Some women are way...WAY too easy....

I used to hate being nice to people I didn't like. You know there's a not so surprising simple solution to that problem, right?

Well, one would think so, wouldn't one.....

Speaking of making fun....
This is Mel Brooks. He is a Jew. He can make all the Hitler jokes he wants......you see my point?

It was when I found out that I could make mistakes that I knew I was on to something.

Okay, one of you smart motherfuckers explain this to me...

I don't like raw hamburger, but sometimes I sit in my yard eating it just to piss off my neighbor's cats.

Floods....and life goes on....

That's the way it always goes, but every once in a while it goes the other way.

No matter how you feel about these, no one can deny that they are incredibly beautiful....

There are Two Typos of People in This World.



Damn, girl, slow down! I haven't even finished my cobbler yet....

If you are going to sneak around at night and apply art to someone else's property without permission, you better have a very good reason.

Writing your stylized name is not a good reason.

One should know where the food ends and the hand that feeds you begins.



Fuck the playoff game...I'll be right there....

What the fuck does "semi-permanent" mean? Seriously.

This is worth the read....

My dog's testicles once got caught in a mouse trap.



I would like to try this.....

One of my very own...

This was photographed out the front window of a ship...

It was rechristened "USS Everybodyshitthemselves".

The Jack Daniels is the real show stopper...

I saw a spider in my bathtub, so I got a piece of tissue and very, very carefully burned the house down.

Words fail me..................check out cross..........and scars.....

Not all those who wander are lost.
I say, Not all those who wonder are confused.



I have tried my hand at writing for thirty years. I loved it, but (honestly) it was the hardest thing I've ever done. Lately I have realized, that everything I've ever written lacks something....I know not what. But here's some advice for you other writers that I though worthy to share....

Feet are like retarded hands.

I've never heard a skinny dipping story that didn't involve alcohol.