WEDNESDAY 8/22/12

My new hat. I like it very much.

Never kill anyone without a very good reason...and there will almost certainly be a test on this.

I've often wondered why more science textbooks don't tell teenagers that the only thing sharks like to eat more than fish are dead prostitutes.

Well, thanks for the honesty......I guess...

TRUE:  My old buddy, Bernie the Jew, came into the bar today with white tape holding his glasses together. I told him he looked like a nerd. He said (I swear), "What's a nerd?"

"Let's play the fart game. I'll go first."

I used to play around with making games like this....

 My question is, what would make the little ball just jump to the starting position of the lever at the bottom?

I wonder if Joe Biden sent Todd Akin a thank you note.

Sources close to Akin say he refuses to pull out.
Ewwwwwwwwwww.

Boy, this ought to look good on her resume....

A new take-off on the old "Kick Me" sign....

Smart man, he....

Not really into making fun of fat people...

 ...but goddamnit, sometimes they ask for it....

Roll model? Hell, yeah!!!

Watched Fahrenheit 451 last night. Here is a bit of dialogue....

Husband: I’ve just come home from work and found my wife unconscious on the floor.

911 operator: Does she take pills?

Husband: Of course, she takes pills!

O: What kind?

H: Red #5 and Gold #8.

Also of interest, this woman starred in 451 a year before Dr. Zhivago.

 Also, all the men were running around in skin tight pants just like modern hipsters.

I bet the rent on those are through the roof...

Anybody want to guess the movie this line came from:
"If we wanted to hit mailboxes, we could have let Ralph drive."

Getting married during the blitz....

Green Bay fans....

It bothers me that Donkey Kong isn't even a fucking donkey!

Congratulations to Todd Akin on securing the rapist vote.

At least we can agree that Joe Biden's IQ is as low as Mitt Romney's tax rate.

I did this and liked it....

Do these images make you feel differently about trying to balance your checkbook?

Sorry summer's almost over and you're still paler than Julian Assange.

Well...duh!

I'd have better people skills if I worked with better people.

I'm getting just as tired of these as you are, but if the truth be told, I missed the bitch the first time I looked at this.

TRUE: A 16 year old is under arrest for shooting someone. A friend of my wife mentioned him on Facebook and wondered where his mom was while he was out at 3 o'clock in the morning. Then the thug's mom replied.....

Well, that answers a lot of questions.

 Do you remember the article I shared with you about bicycles and vaginal sensitivity?

She's either doing it very wrong, or very right.

I like thinking about the social lessons we can learn from this....

"Obesity runs in my family."
What a wonderfully telling statement.
Nobody runs in your family.

How I imagine the leader of the anti-Semitic party in Hungary looked after he discovered he is Jewish.

My goal in life is to have a psychiatric disorder named after me.

I only flew first class one time. They let me on the plane first, which was cool. Then when the coach passengers filed past me, one of them looked down at me and said, "I wish I had enough money to fly first class."
I took a sip of my beer and said, "All I did was give the pilot a hand job in the bathroom in the terminal."

Don't know much about it, but apparently the Delta 32 gene was present in everyone who survived the plague, and in modern times the same gene makes people immune to HIV.

Spoleto once presented a performance of Doll's House with the female lead dominatrix was 6'4" and all the male roles were played by midgets.

 Did you see the skull?

Try squinting.